
9/2/2016 c3 Shiina
Waaaaaay too much inner talk. It just can't keep my attention.
And Dimitri's pessimism/apathy/lack of self-worth feels unnatural. Like he's trying really hard to make the reader believe that he should be pitied. Like someone crying unnecessarily loud went they're hurt to get attention. "Here I am, I have this big dark secret that makes me deep and profound unlike all the shallow people around me", he acts and basically says that he's special; different than 'these people' that he puts in boxes and judge before knowing.
What's with you writing in the first chapter's a/n that your story is good I was expecting better.
Waaaaaay too much inner talk. It just can't keep my attention.
And Dimitri's pessimism/apathy/lack of self-worth feels unnatural. Like he's trying really hard to make the reader believe that he should be pitied. Like someone crying unnecessarily loud went they're hurt to get attention. "Here I am, I have this big dark secret that makes me deep and profound unlike all the shallow people around me", he acts and basically says that he's special; different than 'these people' that he puts in boxes and judge before knowing.
What's with you writing in the first chapter's a/n that your story is good I was expecting better.
3/14/2016 c66 SlashLover
Excellent story. Extremely well written, only a few typos. Good storyline and likeable (and unlikable) characters throughout.
I think the Layla/Kevin thing seems highly unlikely and out of place, and I wished we'd have seen more Dimitri/Layla interaction (I think she's one of my favorite characters). All in all, though, a solid piece.
I'm sorry you didn't have better luck publishing it. It's better than some of the crap I've paid for at Amazon that I've regretting purchasing.
Thanks so much for sharing your story.
Excellent story. Extremely well written, only a few typos. Good storyline and likeable (and unlikable) characters throughout.
I think the Layla/Kevin thing seems highly unlikely and out of place, and I wished we'd have seen more Dimitri/Layla interaction (I think she's one of my favorite characters). All in all, though, a solid piece.
I'm sorry you didn't have better luck publishing it. It's better than some of the crap I've paid for at Amazon that I've regretting purchasing.
Thanks so much for sharing your story.
2/25/2014 c66 sup
this story is a good example about how you have to finish a story before you review.
Of course he is depressed his father is (spoiler) a fucking serial killer (btw I KNEW IT!)
I really love this story and I think it would be good enough to be published
this story is a good example about how you have to finish a story before you review.
Of course he is depressed his father is (spoiler) a fucking serial killer (btw I KNEW IT!)
I really love this story and I think it would be good enough to be published
10/6/2013 c10 Makayla
I really don't like Demitri.I just don't understand why he acts the way he 's so withdrawn and robotic it's ridiculous. I like the story, don't get me wrong. But I just don't know what fuels him. He gets mad when someone smiles. Hates people for reaching out to him . And then swipes a harmless music box out of that lady's hands the gets upset at himself. He's so bitter it's people could read his mind he wouldn't have to worry about people reaching out to him, because no one would want to. But on the other hand,I guess he had about of pain inside and maybe further into the story il understand why he act's the way he does. Some, this is a great story so far, I just don't like the main character.
I really don't like Demitri.I just don't understand why he acts the way he 's so withdrawn and robotic it's ridiculous. I like the story, don't get me wrong. But I just don't know what fuels him. He gets mad when someone smiles. Hates people for reaching out to him . And then swipes a harmless music box out of that lady's hands the gets upset at himself. He's so bitter it's people could read his mind he wouldn't have to worry about people reaching out to him, because no one would want to. But on the other hand,I guess he had about of pain inside and maybe further into the story il understand why he act's the way he does. Some, this is a great story so far, I just don't like the main character.
7/23/2013 c53 Guest
So..casually a body was found at the house where dimitri lived with his father and the body happened to be that of his wife. Also he has been with five women and all of them died or "dissappeared". But he's still innocent? And he stabbed beth and his son and the knife he used must've had tons on fingerprints. Oh and almost forgot, he butchered his first wife and hid her in his basement (where the police found her) and then moved out. How could "someone else" do that and that twisted dimitri's mind? I mean, like his father didn't know his own wife was rotting in his basement? That is what his lawyer is saying? Bit unrealistic if you ask me. Still, I likes the story up until here
So..casually a body was found at the house where dimitri lived with his father and the body happened to be that of his wife. Also he has been with five women and all of them died or "dissappeared". But he's still innocent? And he stabbed beth and his son and the knife he used must've had tons on fingerprints. Oh and almost forgot, he butchered his first wife and hid her in his basement (where the police found her) and then moved out. How could "someone else" do that and that twisted dimitri's mind? I mean, like his father didn't know his own wife was rotting in his basement? That is what his lawyer is saying? Bit unrealistic if you ask me. Still, I likes the story up until here
7/23/2013 c1 Sethian
What an incredibly beautiful story! You made me cry and go all 'Aww'. I love Dimitri, he is so sweet. Your story is very well written!
What an incredibly beautiful story! You made me cry and go all 'Aww'. I love Dimitri, he is so sweet. Your story is very well written!
6/17/2013 c5 hi
who the hell is Murphy
who the hell is Murphy
6/17/2013 c3 one
god i hate trolls that don't insult in funny ways. there just little cry babys bitches that wish they thought of it first.
ps. good story so far take it down i will destroy you.
god i hate trolls that don't insult in funny ways. there just little cry babys bitches that wish they thought of it first.
ps. good story so far take it down i will destroy you.
9/9/2012 c7 Michelle
Your story is so stupid and lame. Ught! It's obvious nobody'd want to publish this rubbish. I can't imagine why you would even try. It's not realistic at all. If Dimitri was as 'jaded' as he kept saying he was, he wouldn't have let Beau touch him, much less drag him around on his first day of school. I can't stand Beau, he's one of those idiots who wants to be a hero and save someone. He takes liberties with Dimitri he has no right to; and Dimitri is just a fucking whiny bitch. Were you a teenage girl when you wrote this piece of garbage you dare call story?
Your story is so stupid and lame. Ught! It's obvious nobody'd want to publish this rubbish. I can't imagine why you would even try. It's not realistic at all. If Dimitri was as 'jaded' as he kept saying he was, he wouldn't have let Beau touch him, much less drag him around on his first day of school. I can't stand Beau, he's one of those idiots who wants to be a hero and save someone. He takes liberties with Dimitri he has no right to; and Dimitri is just a fucking whiny bitch. Were you a teenage girl when you wrote this piece of garbage you dare call story?
7/29/2012 c5 Seretei
At this point in the story Dmitri seems like such a drama queen that I'm rolling my eyes. The reason behind his views hasn't been explained so it is difficult for me to take him and his very dramatic inner monologue seriously, especially since he's a high school student. I'm looking forward to discovering what events in his past caused his personality.
At this point in the story Dmitri seems like such a drama queen that I'm rolling my eyes. The reason behind his views hasn't been explained so it is difficult for me to take him and his very dramatic inner monologue seriously, especially since he's a high school student. I'm looking forward to discovering what events in his past caused his personality.
5/17/2012 c66 lunasea
Read it all in one night and just finished. Must say I love this story and the ending was the perfect type for this story! Great job:))
Read it all in one night and just finished. Must say I love this story and the ending was the perfect type for this story! Great job:))
5/14/2012 c29 too much booty in the pants
That's Dimitri's main problem, he's too wound up in self pity.
I've been feeling like Kia for awhile now. For someone who is 'mute' he sure doesnt listen well.
Obviously theres something wrong that happen with Beau. TWO different people have told him. It wasn't even a hint they slapped him upside the head with it. But NO all he cares about is being quiet.
He should at least tell Kia that his father told him to stay quiet.
Ugh Dimitri what to do with you?
That's Dimitri's main problem, he's too wound up in self pity.
I've been feeling like Kia for awhile now. For someone who is 'mute' he sure doesnt listen well.
Obviously theres something wrong that happen with Beau. TWO different people have told him. It wasn't even a hint they slapped him upside the head with it. But NO all he cares about is being quiet.
He should at least tell Kia that his father told him to stay quiet.
Ugh Dimitri what to do with you?
5/13/2012 c1 too much booty in the pants
I'm not really liking the typical high school
'stereotypes'. I went to a high school where it wasn't like that at all. The competitive cheerleading squad had most of its members in IB and Avid. Some were even in drama. The class vice president was gay. We were pretty much all mingled in.
I'll keep reading cause I'm bored but I really hope that the whole story isnt like this.
The writing itself, not the content, is excellent.
I'm not really liking the typical high school
'stereotypes'. I went to a high school where it wasn't like that at all. The competitive cheerleading squad had most of its members in IB and Avid. Some were even in drama. The class vice president was gay. We were pretty much all mingled in.
I'll keep reading cause I'm bored but I really hope that the whole story isnt like this.
The writing itself, not the content, is excellent.
12/8/2011 c11 magnanimousSquirrel
I think he's going to crack soon. The influx of emotions that he's been trying to suppress is going to get him.
I think he's going to crack soon. The influx of emotions that he's been trying to suppress is going to get him.