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for Children of Winata

9/29/2011 c52 99Dreamers-Requiem
I knew they wouldn't all make it :( But I think that works quite well. I like the way you draw them all together for the ending, and I love the imagery of the animals coming out and defending their home. Really good stuff. However, I do think the ending feels just a little rushed - in some places, it's just a bit jumpy, and I would have liked to have seen more emotion from the characters themselves, especially near the very end. Other than that...a wonderful novel, one I've very much enjoyed reading. Great stuff.
9/19/2011 c51 Dreamers-Requiem
I am going to be very, very sad once I finish the next chapter. Anyway! Review! Really good build up chapter, although I think you could have made more of the tension here, between them. So let me get this straight...Max is Number One, right? But not the overall top dog? Does 'V' outrank him? Are there letters that outrank the numbers? I was just a little confused by that. And I would have expected a bit more of an emotional reaction from Max regarding Claire being captured. I loved Lillian's little fight, here; I think it was very much in her character to act like that, and I like the observation that it may be because Captain looks like his son. (that still makes me sad.) Wonderful stuff. I will be reading the last chapter soon. (And cursing you for this ever having to actually end.)
9/15/2011 c50 Dreamers-Requiem
I really like the way the characters are uniting. As always, a really good chapter; with the imagery, I could really picture what was going on, especially with the rain. The dialogue worked brilliantly. The characters remain consistant with what we know of them, and I love how it was Gleo who ran forward to help the woman. You do a great job of keeping the reader guessing; I have no idea how this is going to end, and although I'm hoping that the Children of Winata win out, that Will, Pan, Gleo, Black etc. survive, part of me is aware tha the ending may not be totally a happy one. Great stuff, as always.
9/11/2011 c49 Dreamers-Requiem
I can't believe how close to the end of this I am. I don't want to finish reading it! Anyway, as always I really like the style and tone; I think you do a great job of switching between characters, and showing how the different plot strands are now merging together. The one thing I would suggest is cleaning up a few of the sentences. Lines like [Zeen noticed fury blinded Black.] read a bit awkwardly. Perhaps (Zeen noticed how fury had blinded Black.) [The tension in the air came hard, palpable; it was liable to snap.] again just sounds a bit awkward to me. Perhaps replace the ; with a comma, and drop the 'it was'? Just suggestions, as always! Will be back to read the rest soon.
9/5/2011 c48 Dreamers-Requiem
Poor Gleo. Again, really good chapter, although again, I do feel that you could build on the emotions, just a bit. I will admit, the sentence [And tears blurred his vision and washed clear a foresight of death.] reads a bit awkwardly to me; perhaps "Tears blurred his vision..." ? As always, I like the interactions between characters, and I think you do a great job of subtly revealing the motives of the different characters. great stuff!
9/2/2011 c47 Dreamers-Requiem
Poor Claire. As always, a really good chapter. I loved the way you wrote the interaction between Black and Claire, and his hesitation in telling her of Jack's death. Very well written. The only critique I have, really, is that you could have perhaps built up Claire's emotions a bit more. I think it could have been more effective if we saw more of her reaction to her son's death. Especially with the idea that her emotions may be conflicting; excitemnet and happiness about seeing her husband again, sadness and grief over her son's death? Anyway, loved it as always.
8/24/2011 c46 Dreamers-Requiem
Everytime I finish another chapter of this, I feel a little sad that I've almost finished it. Anyway, I'm starting to feel that these last few chapters have been a bit short; maybe consider lengthening them if/when you edit this? Other than that, I love the way you're building everything up, and the uncertianty that Gleo, Black and Claire feel about their plan; it works to instill that same feeling in the reader, as well as making us feel the hope that they don't fail. I like the way Gleo's thoughts reflect what, I feel, we know already; that Maximilian doesn't love Sheruna as she loves him. The poor girl. I think you did a really good job of showing her vulnerability here, too. Great stuff.
8/20/2011 c45 Dreamers-Requiem
I'm going to be very sad when I get to the end of this. Anyway, that chapter was a joy to read, as always. I like the way you shift the focus between the battle and Black, it flows quite smoothly. I also like how you mention the war horn in the second half, and indicate how much time has passed. [Death could only be tempted so many times.] A great line, and it does a great job of sort of casting a shadow over this part of the plot. Great stuff.
8/16/2011 c44 Dreamers-Requiem
Fantastic chapter, as always. Interaction between the characters was done really well, and I liked how Gleo, Black Dove and Claire came together. i think the snapshot style of the scenes really added to the feel that something big is happening and something even bigger may be about to happen. I don't know if you had scene breaks and FP messed them up, myabe, but if not then I would say I think this chapter needs them. I have to admit, i kind of squealed at the end when Claire noticed that Black Dove had said 'Captain'. Hopefully, there's one more reunion in this story!
8/5/2011 c43 Dreamers-Requiem
As always, a really good chapter. The dialogue works well, as always, and I liked the interactions between the different characters - especially between Claire and Max. I feel a bit like there's a lot more you could show of them and Sheruna - it's an interesting situation, and to a certain extent it feels like Claire has the kind of inner conflict that the Princess should be having. Personally, I feel that Sheruna is a bit self-absorbed, but I think that works well. the only thing that bugged me was the lack of scene breaks, but that could be more a problem with FP rather than you not putting them in. Anyway, great stuff as always, I'll be back to read more soon.
7/29/2011 c42 Dreamers-Requiem
As always, a really good chapter. I liked the scene between Rags and Claire, and her discovering her husband was still alive. I do feel that you could have a scene break between Rags and the bit with the girls in the bedroom, otherwise it feels too jumpy. The last bit, with Max and Sheruna, just felt a bit too quick, too. Maybe try expanding it a bit, adding in a bit more description around the dialogue? Anyway, there really is the feeling here that things are coming to a head. When I saw 'six chapters left' I felt my heart drop, so I checked, and I'm glad to see a few more than that :P Anyway, loving it as always.
7/26/2011 c41 Dreamers-Requiem
Nooooo! I can't believe you did that! I was really, really hoping for a beautiful, romantic reunion between the two but...well...dreams, shattered. Anyway! I really liked that chapter; the interaction between the two was perfect, and it fits the characters of both very well. I like the points that Black brings up in regards to the Cinah, and as usual you convey the emotions of the characters brilliantly.

(And sorry it's taken so long to review this chapter; I haven't had internet for a long, long time, only just got it back, so yeah.)
6/20/2011 c40 Dreamers-Requiem
Poor Zared! Poor Lillian! Poor everyone! Things really are building up, and you're doing a great job of keeping the tension high, as well as throwing curve balls for the reader to puzzle over. I like how they sort of split up the duties; it makes sense, and keeps it sort of realistic, for me anyway. Zared really is a great leader in terms of emotions and words, but War would be much better suited for the actuall fighting. I like how Pan is concered for Lillain - it adds a kind of extra feminine quality, to her as a character. Overall, flowed smoothly, still loving this, especially the style of writing. Great stuff.
6/14/2011 c39 Dreamers-Requiem
Just wondering, are you making these chapters longer in the edit? Just that at the moment, they feel just a little short. And, this chapter especially, I feel there could be a touch more description, to add to the feeling in the room and the tension. I like the song, and I feel like I'm going to have the original stuck in my head all day, now. I like the alternative lyrics, the way you change it to fit in with these men. I like Will's two words at the end, and the way in, such a short space, you convey the full barrel of emotions he must be feeling. Great stuff, as per usual.
6/11/2011 c38 Dreamers-Requiem
Awwwww yay! That last scene was so, so sweet. I'm glad Will is recovering, sort of, and I think the fact that it was Pan who helped the most fits really well with the characters and plot. Overall, a wonderfully written chapter. Lillian's swearing doesn't feel pointless or meaningless; it fits with her character, and with what's going on. It's how I would imagine her reacting to what is happening with Will, and to me, it does feel like a typically Lillian-reaction. It contrasts nicely with Pan's approch, too, and reflects nicely how Pan is able to get through to him with love and kindness, but that process is kind of kickstarted by Lillian's roughness. Plus, yeah, I can imagine after Jack's death she would be swearing, a lot. She's the type of character to react in anger. Basically; the swearing fits. As if it's not clear enough, I loved that chapter.
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