for Love, Sweets9/20/2009 c1 
1faienceface
Yes. Yes! This is good! This is very good!
Likes:
The end, good god the end, it's very fun.
"Chocolate vows" straddles the border between creative use of words and cliche, but it's not bad.
The ambiguity of the word 'sweets' is fun. Kind of nasty, like you're confronting somebody. I like it muchly!
"secret promises/spoken on riverbanks/and so on"-I would never have put the line breaks there, but it works really well.
Dislikes:
The question format (What is love?...Is it hearts and lace?...Is it a shape?) is pretty overdone in poems. Just getting rid of one of them (I'd say the third) would fix that.
"Ingrained in our brains from birth" is a little redundant, but not too serious.
Overall, this is really fun! And I wish I wrote poems, good poems at that, in biology. I just sit there. Absorbing facts about carbohydrates and stuff.
1faiencefaceYes. Yes! This is good! This is very good!
Likes:
The end, good god the end, it's very fun.
"Chocolate vows" straddles the border between creative use of words and cliche, but it's not bad.
The ambiguity of the word 'sweets' is fun. Kind of nasty, like you're confronting somebody. I like it muchly!
"secret promises/spoken on riverbanks/and so on"-I would never have put the line breaks there, but it works really well.
Dislikes:
The question format (What is love?...Is it hearts and lace?...Is it a shape?) is pretty overdone in poems. Just getting rid of one of them (I'd say the third) would fix that.
"Ingrained in our brains from birth" is a little redundant, but not too serious.
Overall, this is really fun! And I wish I wrote poems, good poems at that, in biology. I just sit there. Absorbing facts about carbohydrates and stuff.