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5/25/2010 c1 eiyuang999
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10/9/2009 c4 7indigo-blue
Hey Sarah

I knew Sweet Dream would come into it somewhere! *wins*

It's a bit... difficult to read.

Some of it is really good, but there's other bits where there really should be a full stop and it should be two sentences, or you really, really need to put some commas in there. That sort of thing. (Come on, you know I'm a grammar nazi)

Full stops on the end of “Exactly!” Lottie said. Talking of which, full stops *at all* would be an improvement.

And huh? should have another h in it, you're (with an e) not on msn now.

I actually full on love Lottie.

Can you make it a bit less rushed? More detail in the wierdy bits?

And no man/boy/bretheren of whatever says 'so', I'm sure.

Sorry, that's a really harsh review! I'm only trying to help.

~Indy x

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