for What's A God To Do?1/20/2010 c2 Canaletto
Another interesting chapter. I’m quite curious as to where your inspiration for this comes from. Aside from the Norse mythology, is the rest of it all original, or are you drawing from other mythologies as well? I’m quite impressed with what you have developed, so if you’re going for a mash up of different archaic beliefs, I’m looking forward to how that all pans out.
Some new characters this chapter to. Though the characters themselves probably aren’t going to show up again for some time, they do shed a bit more light on the world you’ve created, as well as add it bit more personality to the story. Nyxia seemed surprisingly coherent for a woman giving birth, but considering exactly what she is, maybe it isn’t so surprising. Her feelings on Thea are also quite intriguing, as she seems very conflicted when it comes to her new daughter.
Overall an engaging read, and I’ll check out chapter three shortly.
Canaletto
Another interesting chapter. I’m quite curious as to where your inspiration for this comes from. Aside from the Norse mythology, is the rest of it all original, or are you drawing from other mythologies as well? I’m quite impressed with what you have developed, so if you’re going for a mash up of different archaic beliefs, I’m looking forward to how that all pans out.
Some new characters this chapter to. Though the characters themselves probably aren’t going to show up again for some time, they do shed a bit more light on the world you’ve created, as well as add it bit more personality to the story. Nyxia seemed surprisingly coherent for a woman giving birth, but considering exactly what she is, maybe it isn’t so surprising. Her feelings on Thea are also quite intriguing, as she seems very conflicted when it comes to her new daughter.
Overall an engaging read, and I’ll check out chapter three shortly.
Canaletto
1/11/2010 c3 
7zombie chickens
Aww, that chapter seemed too short. Thor is such a-ugh! Guys sho8uldn't come home with some other lady's kid and expect their wife to take care of it. I feel really bad for Sif, but how she never expected that Thor would be unfaithful is beyond me. Seems like he's been unfaithful more than a few times.
There were a couple parts in this chapter where you didn't seperate the lines when it switched to other speakers which get's a tiny bit confusing. Other than that it was another briliant chapter and I absolutely can't wait for more.
7zombie chickensAww, that chapter seemed too short. Thor is such a-ugh! Guys sho8uldn't come home with some other lady's kid and expect their wife to take care of it. I feel really bad for Sif, but how she never expected that Thor would be unfaithful is beyond me. Seems like he's been unfaithful more than a few times.
There were a couple parts in this chapter where you didn't seperate the lines when it switched to other speakers which get's a tiny bit confusing. Other than that it was another briliant chapter and I absolutely can't wait for more.
1/11/2010 c2 zombie chickens
Thor seems like a really crappy father figure. And I kind of wanna kill him myself from what I read in this chapter. lol, This is still really good and I LOVE it lots. If the review is short it just means that I can't think of anything to nit pick at. There are only little gramatical errors and typo things that you are probably already aware of and don't bother me that much. Gotta read the next chapter now!
Thor seems like a really crappy father figure. And I kind of wanna kill him myself from what I read in this chapter. lol, This is still really good and I LOVE it lots. If the review is short it just means that I can't think of anything to nit pick at. There are only little gramatical errors and typo things that you are probably already aware of and don't bother me that much. Gotta read the next chapter now!
1/10/2010 c3 1RetardedChicken
This is getting good! It's very interesting and different, and I like all the characters so far, they are well developed and likable. Great work! UPDATE SOON.
1RetardedChickenThis is getting good! It's very interesting and different, and I like all the characters so far, they are well developed and likable. Great work! UPDATE SOON.
1/2/2010 c1 Canaletto
An interesting start, though there is not really enough material to tell where you plan to take this. I was rather surprised that the gods spoke with such flippant tones, but I suppose that that is a writing choice on your part, and does break away from the cliché of gods always speaking in regal tones. Still, it is somewhat unsettling to see the characters act so differently from the norm.
One thing, you make quite a few grammatical errors in some places. They aren’t anything big, but you should probably proof read some of your chapters again. Or, get someone to check over your work when you’ve finished each chapter. Again, it doesn’t detract from the story, but it would make for a little bit smoother reading.
Still this is an interesting read, and I’ll definitely continue with the later chapters.
Canaletto
An interesting start, though there is not really enough material to tell where you plan to take this. I was rather surprised that the gods spoke with such flippant tones, but I suppose that that is a writing choice on your part, and does break away from the cliché of gods always speaking in regal tones. Still, it is somewhat unsettling to see the characters act so differently from the norm.
One thing, you make quite a few grammatical errors in some places. They aren’t anything big, but you should probably proof read some of your chapters again. Or, get someone to check over your work when you’ve finished each chapter. Again, it doesn’t detract from the story, but it would make for a little bit smoother reading.
Still this is an interesting read, and I’ll definitely continue with the later chapters.
Canaletto
1/1/2010 c1 jsnuaieifhew
Quick typo alert: in the second paragraph you missed out a y on the end of every ;)
I love the mythology in this. I don't know that much about the Norse gods but I'm still enjoying it and loving the references I do catch.
Interesting start, and I'm interested in this demigod daughter.
There was a part that confused me - [Thor's eyes lightened up. He believes he's going to achieve at least something if he gets a son. I can see it in his eyes, well at least his son would grow up to be a warrior...]
Why is this is first person pov? If it's someone's thoughts then you could put it in italics, but I'd still be a little confused to whose thoughts it was.
Apart from that I like it :)
Quick typo alert: in the second paragraph you missed out a y on the end of every ;)
I love the mythology in this. I don't know that much about the Norse gods but I'm still enjoying it and loving the references I do catch.
Interesting start, and I'm interested in this demigod daughter.
There was a part that confused me - [Thor's eyes lightened up. He believes he's going to achieve at least something if he gets a son. I can see it in his eyes, well at least his son would grow up to be a warrior...]
Why is this is first person pov? If it's someone's thoughts then you could put it in italics, but I'd still be a little confused to whose thoughts it was.
Apart from that I like it :)
12/31/2009 c1 7zombie chickens
Wow. this was so much fun to read. I'm really into mythology stuff and especially the norse variety. The humor in here is fantastic and I especially love the jabs made at Thor. I'm definitely gonna keep reading this one.
7zombie chickensWow. this was so much fun to read. I'm really into mythology stuff and especially the norse variety. The humor in here is fantastic and I especially love the jabs made at Thor. I'm definitely gonna keep reading this one.
12/28/2009 c2 3solitaryAce
the story is picking up a bit.. kind of confused since im not into the whole mythology thing.. but the demon inside the baby is interesting I wonder what her role in all of this is.. some kind of master plan to get back at THOR? lol well done :-)
3solitaryAcethe story is picking up a bit.. kind of confused since im not into the whole mythology thing.. but the demon inside the baby is interesting I wonder what her role in all of this is.. some kind of master plan to get back at THOR? lol well done :-)
12/27/2009 c3 99Dreamers-Requiem
I really like this; it's different and unique, and I can't wait to see more. I'm intrigued to find out more about Thea and how she grows up. One problem though; some of the grammer is a bit odd, and I don't think you need a lot of '...'s, especially in the description bits. Other than that, a great idea and well written. Am looking forward to the next chapter.
99Dreamers-RequiemI really like this; it's different and unique, and I can't wait to see more. I'm intrigued to find out more about Thea and how she grows up. One problem though; some of the grammer is a bit odd, and I don't think you need a lot of '...'s, especially in the description bits. Other than that, a great idea and well written. Am looking forward to the next chapter.
12/27/2009 c1 Palm Tree
AH! Scandinavian mythology! That's something I have not seen in a while or read before in a story so three cheers for something refreshing and new!
I must say that I really, really liked the humorous twist you gave to the described figures. My favorite has to be Mimir. ;] The pacing was fast but I think that gave it a wonderful momentum which carried through 'til the chapter's end. In other words, I was easily engaged. Your dialogue, making up a good portion of the chapter, was done well as it did not seem at all forced and revealed valuable information on top of building up the characters speaking. Despite a few missing commas or semicolons, I have no complaints. The whole chapter had a steady flow and, being the first, did an excellent job of sparking curiosity. I can easily see how this kicks off a story and am really curious about what Thor's demigod daughter will accomplish in her life. I'm also curious about precisely who the mother is since it seems to be quite a big deal. oO'
AH! Scandinavian mythology! That's something I have not seen in a while or read before in a story so three cheers for something refreshing and new!
I must say that I really, really liked the humorous twist you gave to the described figures. My favorite has to be Mimir. ;] The pacing was fast but I think that gave it a wonderful momentum which carried through 'til the chapter's end. In other words, I was easily engaged. Your dialogue, making up a good portion of the chapter, was done well as it did not seem at all forced and revealed valuable information on top of building up the characters speaking. Despite a few missing commas or semicolons, I have no complaints. The whole chapter had a steady flow and, being the first, did an excellent job of sparking curiosity. I can easily see how this kicks off a story and am really curious about what Thor's demigod daughter will accomplish in her life. I'm also curious about precisely who the mother is since it seems to be quite a big deal. oO'
12/27/2009 c1 1Eiya Weathes
I'm still in the first chapter. But from the looks of things, this is a good start.
I'm having troubles with the names cause I'm not used to them yet.
I'll try to finish the other chapters soon but I really have to go.
- .@. Amethyst Penn
1Eiya WeathesI'm still in the first chapter. But from the looks of things, this is a good start.
I'm having troubles with the names cause I'm not used to them yet.
I'll try to finish the other chapters soon but I really have to go.
- .@. Amethyst Penn
12/26/2009 c3 9Experiment101
I really like this as I thought I would skuld & urd their names caught me off gaurd a bit but I really like all the characters in this I feel they are well developed and youve put thought into this story!
-Experiment from the roadhouse.
9Experiment101I really like this as I thought I would skuld & urd their names caught me off gaurd a bit but I really like all the characters in this I feel they are well developed and youve put thought into this story!
-Experiment from the roadhouse.
12/22/2009 c1 JokiLoki
Interesting beginning, very interesting, definitely keep writing! My book has a lot to do with the Pantheons as well and it's always good to see different ways that they are personified in order to open up my mind to new ideas. Overall, seems like an interesting concept, although I would look for areas where a comma might be helpful, there were a few that jumped out at me when I read them, though this might just be a personal matter of preference.
Interesting beginning, very interesting, definitely keep writing! My book has a lot to do with the Pantheons as well and it's always good to see different ways that they are personified in order to open up my mind to new ideas. Overall, seems like an interesting concept, although I would look for areas where a comma might be helpful, there were a few that jumped out at me when I read them, though this might just be a personal matter of preference.
12/20/2009 c1 99Dreamers-Requiem
A very interesting start - I like the way you've built up the characters, and the last line of that chapter was just perfect. Great first chapter of what I'm sure will be a really good story.
99Dreamers-RequiemA very interesting start - I like the way you've built up the characters, and the last line of that chapter was just perfect. Great first chapter of what I'm sure will be a really good story.
12/20/2009 c3 22Mizzuz Spock
I almost feel sorry for Sif. :[
I felt this chapter was definitely on the short side. (Though I'm not complaining, since a lot of my chapters are short as well. xD) I would've liked to see more inner conflict with Sif. How is she feeling at this point? You say: [She had learned long ago before she married Thor that he was a notorious womanizer but she never dreamed that he'd really be unfaithful to her.] But really. The woman should've seen in coming. Also, I felt her reactions should be more on the betrayed side.
This baby isn't hers, and yet she's gentle towards it. I suppose that shows her personality, but I can't help but think that there's something sinister behind that friendly facade!
...
I doubt there really is anything sinister. But still. xD
Ah. I doubt you'll update soon, since you're revising Chapters 1-3... BUT I SHALL WAIT PATIENTLY! :]
22Mizzuz SpockI almost feel sorry for Sif. :[
I felt this chapter was definitely on the short side. (Though I'm not complaining, since a lot of my chapters are short as well. xD) I would've liked to see more inner conflict with Sif. How is she feeling at this point? You say: [She had learned long ago before she married Thor that he was a notorious womanizer but she never dreamed that he'd really be unfaithful to her.] But really. The woman should've seen in coming. Also, I felt her reactions should be more on the betrayed side.
This baby isn't hers, and yet she's gentle towards it. I suppose that shows her personality, but I can't help but think that there's something sinister behind that friendly facade!
...
I doubt there really is anything sinister. But still. xD
Ah. I doubt you'll update soon, since you're revising Chapters 1-3... BUT I SHALL WAIT PATIENTLY! :]