for What's A God To Do?12/20/2009 c3 
14K.M.Simpson
I'm really enjoying this story, it's really adventures and the characters are very likeable. Just be careful with your Grammar errors with ... at the end, make sure you use commars if it's he said, or she said.
Aapart from that good work.
- Pay back via I Saw Bella Kissing Santa Claus.
-From trh.
14K.M.SimpsonI'm really enjoying this story, it's really adventures and the characters are very likeable. Just be careful with your Grammar errors with ... at the end, make sure you use commars if it's he said, or she said.
Aapart from that good work.
- Pay back via I Saw Bella Kissing Santa Claus.
-From trh.
12/19/2009 c1 6Devil's Playground
This was an interesting first chapter! It definitely hooked me at the beginning, and the end left me wanting more. I like how some things were left untold to make you wonder, but at the same time it gave you enough information that it wasn't too confusing or hard to follow. The dialogue was well done, and even though there are a bunch of characters introduced here, they were well characterized enough that they all left an impression.
It was a little fast paced, so I was confused about some things. It wasn't too bad, though. And there were just a couple typos, like "havee" instead of "have."
The concept seems very interesting. I love reading about mythology, even though I don't know a ton about it or anything. Norse mythology is really cool, too! I love the idea of Ragnarok. Writing that into a story would be so much fun... are there going to be big epic god battles! Because that would be freaking awesome!
Anyway, nicely done, and I definitely plan on reading more in the future! :D
6Devil's PlaygroundThis was an interesting first chapter! It definitely hooked me at the beginning, and the end left me wanting more. I like how some things were left untold to make you wonder, but at the same time it gave you enough information that it wasn't too confusing or hard to follow. The dialogue was well done, and even though there are a bunch of characters introduced here, they were well characterized enough that they all left an impression.
It was a little fast paced, so I was confused about some things. It wasn't too bad, though. And there were just a couple typos, like "havee" instead of "have."
The concept seems very interesting. I love reading about mythology, even though I don't know a ton about it or anything. Norse mythology is really cool, too! I love the idea of Ragnarok. Writing that into a story would be so much fun... are there going to be big epic god battles! Because that would be freaking awesome!
Anyway, nicely done, and I definitely plan on reading more in the future! :D
12/18/2009 c2 22Mizzuz Spock
I love that tension between Thor and Nyxia. Their relationship is a strange one, but it's believable. And that poor baby.
I thought you did a nice job portraying Nyxia and explaining her motives without going into too much detail. Interesting bit with the stone and the demon. It's going to be really interesting to see how Kaeryn's going to affect her when she gets older...
GAH! I really love Norse stuff. And the stuff you added in feels natural, like it fits in pretty good. :]
22Mizzuz SpockI love that tension between Thor and Nyxia. Their relationship is a strange one, but it's believable. And that poor baby.
I thought you did a nice job portraying Nyxia and explaining her motives without going into too much detail. Interesting bit with the stone and the demon. It's going to be really interesting to see how Kaeryn's going to affect her when she gets older...
GAH! I really love Norse stuff. And the stuff you added in feels natural, like it fits in pretty good. :]
12/18/2009 c1 Mizzuz Spock
GAH! NORSE MYTHOLOGY! BRILLIANT!
Even thought Greek/Roman/Norse all share some common characteristics, I've always been a fan of the Norse mythology, mostly because it gets little love. But this! This has me excited.
I love the Norns. You have clearly defined their characters and Thor, jeez. What a playboy. xD
I love the way this is set up. Thor, not listening, Skuldy, telling him what's going to happen, and...MIMIR! I love that head. xD
The stuff you made up sounds pretty darn cool and I can't wait to see it in later chapters. Good job so far. :]
GAH! NORSE MYTHOLOGY! BRILLIANT!
Even thought Greek/Roman/Norse all share some common characteristics, I've always been a fan of the Norse mythology, mostly because it gets little love. But this! This has me excited.
I love the Norns. You have clearly defined their characters and Thor, jeez. What a playboy. xD
I love the way this is set up. Thor, not listening, Skuldy, telling him what's going to happen, and...MIMIR! I love that head. xD
The stuff you made up sounds pretty darn cool and I can't wait to see it in later chapters. Good job so far. :]
12/8/2009 c1 6MantraMagazine
It's so cool to see a Mythology story! I love Mythology, my favorite being Venus and Mars. Anyways, I like where you're going with this, the set up (idea wise) was spot on. You did have a few problems with punctuation and capitalization, sometimes leading to confusion, like here:
"It's a girl..." Skuld finally said something that was serious, Thor was quiet A girl? What could he do with a girl?"
The part 'Thor was quiet A girl?' totally threw me off. Try a period after 'quiet'.
Other than that, I do have one teeny tiny suggestion. When describing someone's appearance, you could try mixing the facts in with how he was standing, the expression on his face and so on. Sometimes just listing attributes, 'he was tall, he was muscular, he had brown eyes" can sound weird.
Anyways, I like it! This seems like an interesting story. There's so much mystery in the first chapter, who is she, where is she, what will she become, and on and on until I'm dying of suspense! Good thing there's another chapter!
6MantraMagazineIt's so cool to see a Mythology story! I love Mythology, my favorite being Venus and Mars. Anyways, I like where you're going with this, the set up (idea wise) was spot on. You did have a few problems with punctuation and capitalization, sometimes leading to confusion, like here:
"It's a girl..." Skuld finally said something that was serious, Thor was quiet A girl? What could he do with a girl?"
The part 'Thor was quiet A girl?' totally threw me off. Try a period after 'quiet'.
Other than that, I do have one teeny tiny suggestion. When describing someone's appearance, you could try mixing the facts in with how he was standing, the expression on his face and so on. Sometimes just listing attributes, 'he was tall, he was muscular, he had brown eyes" can sound weird.
Anyways, I like it! This seems like an interesting story. There's so much mystery in the first chapter, who is she, where is she, what will she become, and on and on until I'm dying of suspense! Good thing there's another chapter!
12/6/2009 c3 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Well, to be honest when we're talking about womanizer in Norse mythos, Heimdall takes the cake and in this aspect, I do find it rather interesting that Thor is the one who took the role here. And I maybe missing out something, but isn't Thor's words on Thea's lineage a lie? Anyway, all in all I guess this one is just a filler chapter since nothing much on a plotworthy note happened here. I will be interested to know what will happen next though.
Sorry if this review is uber short, my brain isn't in it's best mode as of now. And yeah, I've got a new story up entitled Ancient Legacy. Actually I wrote it as a means of distraction from the future possible stress I might get from writing my other stories, so chances are that I'm not gonna update much on it in terms of the timing. To be honest though, I'm looking forward to reviews for it, so I truly hope you can review it soon. :)
13Tsumujikaze no SoujutsuWell, to be honest when we're talking about womanizer in Norse mythos, Heimdall takes the cake and in this aspect, I do find it rather interesting that Thor is the one who took the role here. And I maybe missing out something, but isn't Thor's words on Thea's lineage a lie? Anyway, all in all I guess this one is just a filler chapter since nothing much on a plotworthy note happened here. I will be interested to know what will happen next though.
Sorry if this review is uber short, my brain isn't in it's best mode as of now. And yeah, I've got a new story up entitled Ancient Legacy. Actually I wrote it as a means of distraction from the future possible stress I might get from writing my other stories, so chances are that I'm not gonna update much on it in terms of the timing. To be honest though, I'm looking forward to reviews for it, so I truly hope you can review it soon. :)
12/6/2009 c2 Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Herro there from the Roadhouse. Hope ya remember me. :) Anyway, sorry for the immense delay. If you've seen my recent posts in the forums, you will know why. Anyway, it seems that things are officially going underway here. At least I can see the source of the plot here. :) All in all, this chapter actually gave an interesting anticipation for the future plot. To be honest though I got a bit lost for this chapter mainly because whatever had gone on between Thor and Nyxia in the past was pretty much hazy, but I guess that's your intention. Anyway, I wonder what role Thea will play in this story. Now onto the next chapter. :)
Herro there from the Roadhouse. Hope ya remember me. :) Anyway, sorry for the immense delay. If you've seen my recent posts in the forums, you will know why. Anyway, it seems that things are officially going underway here. At least I can see the source of the plot here. :) All in all, this chapter actually gave an interesting anticipation for the future plot. To be honest though I got a bit lost for this chapter mainly because whatever had gone on between Thor and Nyxia in the past was pretty much hazy, but I guess that's your intention. Anyway, I wonder what role Thea will play in this story. Now onto the next chapter. :)
12/3/2009 c3 WutNow
Oh, I didn't know the mother died giving birth? Was that said or did I just miss something? And what happened to her negotiation with the devil? Try to transition the chapters more nicely so the readers could follow. There's still a lot of grammar/punctuation mistakes. Reread them and you can spot the errors. Overall, great concept
-Agent
Oh, I didn't know the mother died giving birth? Was that said or did I just miss something? And what happened to her negotiation with the devil? Try to transition the chapters more nicely so the readers could follow. There's still a lot of grammar/punctuation mistakes. Reread them and you can spot the errors. Overall, great concept
-Agent
12/3/2009 c2 WutNow
I think this chapter is a slight improvement from the first. There were still a lot of commas in weird places, but the structure is slowly developing. I don't think you should put a date on the birth though. If that date is significant,then that's fine, if not then just remove it. And I thought all these legends happened in the past and not the future? Eh, maybe it's just me. I'm a little surprised at why she's angry for having the baby. She tricked Thor? He's a god, how could he have been manipulated by a woman? And how did she trick him anyway? It would have been nice if you explained that. And wow.. gave it to the devil. You gave a demigod to a devil OMG XD! Did she intended that to happen? Was her revenge killing Thor? He's a god (cough cough) and the child is just half. lol. And why is Thor afraid of her?
-Agent
I think this chapter is a slight improvement from the first. There were still a lot of commas in weird places, but the structure is slowly developing. I don't think you should put a date on the birth though. If that date is significant,then that's fine, if not then just remove it. And I thought all these legends happened in the past and not the future? Eh, maybe it's just me. I'm a little surprised at why she's angry for having the baby. She tricked Thor? He's a god, how could he have been manipulated by a woman? And how did she trick him anyway? It would have been nice if you explained that. And wow.. gave it to the devil. You gave a demigod to a devil OMG XD! Did she intended that to happen? Was her revenge killing Thor? He's a god (cough cough) and the child is just half. lol. And why is Thor afraid of her?
-Agent
12/3/2009 c1 WutNow
Here from Roadhouse! Sorry it took me so long, but here's my review!
Oh, and I love Greek Mythology too! I became a fan when I watch "Clash of the Gods" on the television XD.
Oh, just to let you know, I think its best to put the author's note near the end of the chapter and not the beginning. Just a suggestion, you don't have to if you don't want to lol. And I strongly support and encourage you with this story since it is your first! Go you! Haha, anyway, on the the story!
Anyway, I liked the idea of a demigod. And are you sure that you want to use Thor as the character? I know he's the God of lightning or something (like the character from X-Men haha), but I'm not sure if he had kids. I could be wrong, but Zeus would have been perfect for you to use because Zeus had sex with everybody. He turned into animals to have sex with... things and turned into different people and do it with them and stuff lol. He had a list of demigod children, but he didn't care if it was a boy or a girl though. Anyway, I also liked that it's a girl. GIRL POWER!
I think you have a good idea going on, but I think you need to work on your grammar/punctuation/ structure. The idea is there, but people want to read a story that they could follow. You have a lot of commas in places that either didn't need it or it should have been a period or something. More description would have been nice as well. I know you are eager to tell the story, but slow down and allow yourself to look over your work.
-Agent
Here from Roadhouse! Sorry it took me so long, but here's my review!
Oh, and I love Greek Mythology too! I became a fan when I watch "Clash of the Gods" on the television XD.
Oh, just to let you know, I think its best to put the author's note near the end of the chapter and not the beginning. Just a suggestion, you don't have to if you don't want to lol. And I strongly support and encourage you with this story since it is your first! Go you! Haha, anyway, on the the story!
Anyway, I liked the idea of a demigod. And are you sure that you want to use Thor as the character? I know he's the God of lightning or something (like the character from X-Men haha), but I'm not sure if he had kids. I could be wrong, but Zeus would have been perfect for you to use because Zeus had sex with everybody. He turned into animals to have sex with... things and turned into different people and do it with them and stuff lol. He had a list of demigod children, but he didn't care if it was a boy or a girl though. Anyway, I also liked that it's a girl. GIRL POWER!
I think you have a good idea going on, but I think you need to work on your grammar/punctuation/ structure. The idea is there, but people want to read a story that they could follow. You have a lot of commas in places that either didn't need it or it should have been a period or something. More description would have been nice as well. I know you are eager to tell the story, but slow down and allow yourself to look over your work.
-Agent
11/30/2009 c1 3solitaryAce
interesting opening, cant wait to see how the demi god daughter of Thor will be greater than her father, lol liked how Thor thought that she would give birth to 100 boys who would grow up to be heroes, laughed out loud when I read that.
3solitaryAceinteresting opening, cant wait to see how the demi god daughter of Thor will be greater than her father, lol liked how Thor thought that she would give birth to 100 boys who would grow up to be heroes, laughed out loud when I read that.
11/29/2009 c1 21RentBoheme
I'm sorry, but I'm a little lost. There is a lack of proper punctuation, which made this hard to follow. You use lots of commas where commas don't make sense, and then you use no periods. Practically no sentences end in periods. Also, you use too many elipses.
I like your variety of vocabulary.
I'm sure with some editing, this could be more easy to follow. Also, I might have had some trouble because I'm unfamiliar with Norse mythology.
21RentBohemeI'm sorry, but I'm a little lost. There is a lack of proper punctuation, which made this hard to follow. You use lots of commas where commas don't make sense, and then you use no periods. Practically no sentences end in periods. Also, you use too many elipses.
I like your variety of vocabulary.
I'm sure with some editing, this could be more easy to follow. Also, I might have had some trouble because I'm unfamiliar with Norse mythology.
10/25/2009 c3 4Guacamole
So Sif I'm guessing is going to be like Thea's second mom in a way? I guess all the thunder gods are womanizers...Zeus especially the greatest womanizer lol. Liked the chapter, can't wait for an update!
4GuacamoleSo Sif I'm guessing is going to be like Thea's second mom in a way? I guess all the thunder gods are womanizers...Zeus especially the greatest womanizer lol. Liked the chapter, can't wait for an update!
10/25/2009 c2 Guacamole
Whoa! She put a demon in her own baby? 0.o is it to make sure any of her daughter's power's won't be known by the people? I like this chapter though nonetheless, keep up the good work!
Whoa! She put a demon in her own baby? 0.o is it to make sure any of her daughter's power's won't be known by the people? I like this chapter though nonetheless, keep up the good work!
10/25/2009 c1 Guacamole
Hmm Interesting, Thor had a kid with an unknown Goddess at the moment...but anywho, I like the start of this, a nice little hook in there for people to want to discover who this future hero will be...I will continue to read!
Hmm Interesting, Thor had a kid with an unknown Goddess at the moment...but anywho, I like the start of this, a nice little hook in there for people to want to discover who this future hero will be...I will continue to read!