for What's A God To Do?10/24/2009 c3 
25KelaBelle
This is a brilliant story, I like the idea and the concept. The only probably with this story is it's full stops, you need to use them. You have missed out alot of grammar errors and that can ruin a story, if you put the fullstops on the story would be alot easier to understand and alot better.
Overall though good chapter.
25KelaBelleThis is a brilliant story, I like the idea and the concept. The only probably with this story is it's full stops, you need to use them. You have missed out alot of grammar errors and that can ruin a story, if you put the fullstops on the story would be alot easier to understand and alot better.
Overall though good chapter.
10/24/2009 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Herro there from The Roadhouse. :) Okay, basically this is an interesting starting chapter here. I'm really glad to see that you did an anti-stereotype on Thor himself. Definitely a refreshing change although I doubt I will forgive you if you do the same with Vidar. ;) Anyway, it seems that Thor's daughter would be the main character here not to mention the fact that she might be in for great stuff to come. And I wonder why Thor would be so scared to let Odin know. After all Heimdall (sp?) did have numerous affairs with human girls. As for Thor's weapon, the correct spelling should be Mjolnir if I remember correctly. Just say this part for shit and giggles lol! :D Anyway, interesting start to the story and I wonder what will be in store next.
P.S: Pay back this review via The Eternal Grail. :)
-From The Roadhouse. :)
13Tsumujikaze no SoujutsuHerro there from The Roadhouse. :) Okay, basically this is an interesting starting chapter here. I'm really glad to see that you did an anti-stereotype on Thor himself. Definitely a refreshing change although I doubt I will forgive you if you do the same with Vidar. ;) Anyway, it seems that Thor's daughter would be the main character here not to mention the fact that she might be in for great stuff to come. And I wonder why Thor would be so scared to let Odin know. After all Heimdall (sp?) did have numerous affairs with human girls. As for Thor's weapon, the correct spelling should be Mjolnir if I remember correctly. Just say this part for shit and giggles lol! :D Anyway, interesting start to the story and I wonder what will be in store next.
P.S: Pay back this review via The Eternal Grail. :)
-From The Roadhouse. :)
10/5/2009 c1 i88
It's a good start and I"m a fan of mythology but I think you could go into character and scenery detail a bit more. Sometimes it seems like we're in the dark about the plot at times but other than that a good start for a first story!
It's a good start and I"m a fan of mythology but I think you could go into character and scenery detail a bit more. Sometimes it seems like we're in the dark about the plot at times but other than that a good start for a first story!
10/4/2009 c1 17Eponine254
Greetings from the Roadhouse!
This looks like it could be really interesting, but I found it quite hard to follow. Be careful about using too many ellipses; it makes the story seem vague and disjointed. There were also a few times when you wrote one word when there should have been two - "any time", "in fact" and "best friends" should all be two words. I also agree with ADSpencer about the in-text author's notes. They can go at the beginning or the end - don't let them distract the reader from your story!
I think that it would really help to find yourself a good beta reader who can help you with the flow and structure of the story, because this really has potential and it's a shame to see such an interesting story get lost under little technical mistakes.
17Eponine254Greetings from the Roadhouse!
This looks like it could be really interesting, but I found it quite hard to follow. Be careful about using too many ellipses; it makes the story seem vague and disjointed. There were also a few times when you wrote one word when there should have been two - "any time", "in fact" and "best friends" should all be two words. I also agree with ADSpencer about the in-text author's notes. They can go at the beginning or the end - don't let them distract the reader from your story!
I think that it would really help to find yourself a good beta reader who can help you with the flow and structure of the story, because this really has potential and it's a shame to see such an interesting story get lost under little technical mistakes.
10/4/2009 c1 TymCon
Well i could say wat anoyyed me but its already been said in adspencers review. Im a sucker for these stories:S Love nords and especially loki. You might like a book called Runemark, takes a nice twist with Nordic myths. You should clarify wether Mimir has a body, since he did throw a towel, but otherwise its good:P
Well i could say wat anoyyed me but its already been said in adspencers review. Im a sucker for these stories:S Love nords and especially loki. You might like a book called Runemark, takes a nice twist with Nordic myths. You should clarify wether Mimir has a body, since he did throw a towel, but otherwise its good:P
10/4/2009 c1 109ADSpencer
This is a really interesting story idea. I love stories focusing on mythology, as do several other people I've met on the site, so you should be able to find readers for a story like this.
I have a couple concerns, however. One concern is that you might want to be careful how you use "crossover". If you're writing a story that is anything more than "slightly inspired by" another author's work, then I believe it's still considered fanfiction and should be posted on fictionpress's sister site fanfiction . net and not here. This includes using characters from those universes. Though, if you decided to just make reference to the characters as a tribute, say that they inspired certain characters, it would still be original fiction.
My other concern is author's notes in the text. Most readers really hate seeing that. (I've read whole forums about how detested author's notes in the actual chapter are.) So, for the sake of not loosing readers who hate that kind of thing, I would suggest that you keep the notes at the beginning and end of the chapter. Don't worry-folks won't be confused.
I hope my concerns/suggestions don't offend you-they're meant purely to help.
This is an interesting storyline, and I look forward to seeing what you do with it. Good luck :D
ADS, Roadhouse
109ADSpencerThis is a really interesting story idea. I love stories focusing on mythology, as do several other people I've met on the site, so you should be able to find readers for a story like this.
I have a couple concerns, however. One concern is that you might want to be careful how you use "crossover". If you're writing a story that is anything more than "slightly inspired by" another author's work, then I believe it's still considered fanfiction and should be posted on fictionpress's sister site fanfiction . net and not here. This includes using characters from those universes. Though, if you decided to just make reference to the characters as a tribute, say that they inspired certain characters, it would still be original fiction.
My other concern is author's notes in the text. Most readers really hate seeing that. (I've read whole forums about how detested author's notes in the actual chapter are.) So, for the sake of not loosing readers who hate that kind of thing, I would suggest that you keep the notes at the beginning and end of the chapter. Don't worry-folks won't be confused.
I hope my concerns/suggestions don't offend you-they're meant purely to help.
This is an interesting storyline, and I look forward to seeing what you do with it. Good luck :D
ADS, Roadhouse