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for The Beauty in the Breakdown

10/8/2009 c1 37LaFarfalla
Oh, wow. This is excellent. Really beautiful.

Since you were able to create a really vivid story in such a short amount of time it shows what a great writer you are. Your characterization is really good too.

This story is really sweet. I feel like it's a movie scene. You could probably write a whole movie based off this one short story. Well done once again! I think I'll fav it!
10/7/2009 c1 5XeeWrites
I really, really liked this. The dialogue was so natural, and the characters so realistic despite the extreme situation. Even though it's so short, there's so much story hidden between the lines. I love it.

The only thing that bugged me was, to be honest, something very insignificant. I'd consider rewording '“Well, I wouldn't go that far,” she said' because at the moment It's sort a little ambiguous. It could mean 'I wouldn't go so far as to talk you out of it' or 'If I were you, I wouldn't go so far as to assume that.' It's not a big deal, and it is obvious which one she means, but it did make me pause and ruin the flow a little.
10/7/2009 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Herro there. me again if ya remember. :) Okay, basically I think this is a good work on the inner workings of a human mind. I like the way Zoe counselled John in a rather off beat manner. If there's anything I can suggest, it will be the fact that you can actually improve so much more in providing details on John's struggles instead of just a brief mention. In this way, Zoe can actually make a better and clearer connection to him in the process. Apart from that, nothing much to say except that I really like the ending. Really gives a serene feel to the whole story. :)

P.S: Pay back via The Eternal Grail. Skip the Omake chapter if you're not one for random crude humour. :) Be informed though that there some stuff in there that might help you in understanding certain stuff later on in the story. :)

-From The Roadhouse. :)
10/7/2009 c1 WutNow
I would like to thank you for reviewing my story. I really do appreciate it. I wanted to return the favor :)

First of all, I think the pace of the story was remarkable. The detail was vivid and the dialogue was amazing.

Zoe is a very loveable character. When she saw John, she didn't yell for help or panic or anything. She approached him calmly, collectively, and I laughed when she said "So, are you goin to jump?" which was pretty obvious yet she still said it haha. If that was me I would be calling the cops sayin that there's a crazy man jumping off the bridge, but what I liked about it is that she didn't. She connected with him and slowly talked him out of it.

The cold environment reminds me of John's cold view of the world. Zoe introduced him the warmth of the lights, the warm smiles, how her small gesture of kindess humanized him again.

You did a fantastic job Eponine :)
10/6/2009 c1 5Snowgoose
Beautiful and touching. I love the quiet, wistful tone that you write with, and the interaction between John and Zoë is poignant without seeming melodramatic or cliched. You ended it at a great point too - hopeful, but unresolved. This was the perfect story to stumble across on a chilly gray autumn afternoon.
10/5/2009 c1 1imaginethewordsxx
Hey thanks for reviewing my story!

I really liked this story, I like where it's headed, keep up the good work!

~GTCA
10/4/2009 c1 6Devil's Playground
I loved this! I really liked Zoë; she's obviously a very well thought out character, and even in this short piece her personality shone through, especially in the way she reacted to John in the beginning. The pacing of the story is also very well done - there's just enough description to let the reader know what's going on, but not to the point where it seems to drag on endlessly.

The only thing I didn't like was that John's dialogue seemed a little forced and awkward at times. Zoë's was great, but some of his lines just weren't realistic, didn't have the kind of emotion that someone in his situation would probably feel. Overall, though, it's really good!
10/4/2009 c1 25KelaBelle
Wow. Brillaint story, this catched my attention when I saw the title, it just automatically makes you want to read it. Plus your grammars was spot on too, nice story :DD
10/4/2009 c1 2Ashtonian151617
Um can I just say 'Amazing!' This is really beautiful and I am going there to vote for you this moment! But back to the story, I've read a lot of suicide stories, dealt with suicidal people, seen the movies ect. and you totally owned all of them! I have to admit, I've been in a read-sad-stories mood lately, but this was beautifully sad, which is what I absolutely love! If someone can write a story that makes you feel so sad and yet realize how beautiful it, and everything else, actually is, then you've found a great author! You also put that theme in this writing too, which is awesome. I also like how you ended it, not telling what happened but not really hinting at it either; just leaving it up to us.

I especially like the end where she just says Merry Christmas. Its as if she knows thats all he needed, someone to acknowledge him. Once again, this is such an amazing short story and yet it tells so much; love your writing!
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