for When you took them, you took me11/27/2010 c1 
10QueenAlla
You definitely shouldn't be intimidated! You're a brilliant writer. I really enjoyed this piece. And I agree with it! Really good work, keep it up! ^-^
10QueenAllaYou definitely shouldn't be intimidated! You're a brilliant writer. I really enjoyed this piece. And I agree with it! Really good work, keep it up! ^-^
10/6/2009 c1 163sharks don't sleep
I like the end, with the list. I honestly think it sums up the poem better than anything else in the entire piece.
Wording/word-choice throughout does not really enhance the piece, I have to be honest. It reads like just another rant with not much in the way of style.
Some grammatical issues with comma placement made reading a little difficult in terms of trying to understand what you were trying to say in each sentence - commas have that sort of power.
Just to reiderate - I really do love the ending. Take out everything but that ending and you've got something great, hard-hitting, and emotional on a level above the rest of this piece by miles.
C
163sharks don't sleepI like the end, with the list. I honestly think it sums up the poem better than anything else in the entire piece.
Wording/word-choice throughout does not really enhance the piece, I have to be honest. It reads like just another rant with not much in the way of style.
Some grammatical issues with comma placement made reading a little difficult in terms of trying to understand what you were trying to say in each sentence - commas have that sort of power.
Just to reiderate - I really do love the ending. Take out everything but that ending and you've got something great, hard-hitting, and emotional on a level above the rest of this piece by miles.
C