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for When you took them, you took me

11/27/2010 c1 10QueenAlla
You definitely shouldn't be intimidated! You're a brilliant writer. I really enjoyed this piece. And I agree with it! Really good work, keep it up! ^-^
10/6/2009 c1 163sharks don't sleep
I like the end, with the list. I honestly think it sums up the poem better than anything else in the entire piece.

Wording/word-choice throughout does not really enhance the piece, I have to be honest. It reads like just another rant with not much in the way of style.

Some grammatical issues with comma placement made reading a little difficult in terms of trying to understand what you were trying to say in each sentence - commas have that sort of power.

Just to reiderate - I really do love the ending. Take out everything but that ending and you've got something great, hard-hitting, and emotional on a level above the rest of this piece by miles.


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