for Wikipedia and WebMD5/26/2010 c1 
23AvidWriter-92
Wow. This is pretty angsty. 0_0
But... I love it! :D
Lol.
Anyways...
I was a little confused about the whole WebMd thing... Sorry! :P
But, otherwise, I think that this is full of emotion, and is very well written. It flows very nicely from one thing to the next. :)
I think that the narrator kind of has a thing for the person that he "hates" so much. That's what I got from it, anyways... His anger and conviction that this guy is not good, seems a little stronger than just plain dislike. :P Maybe my imagination's just getting away, too? :P
My favorite line that jumped out at me was:
"You'll get a shitload of medication, and I hope that you take it all at one time."
Lovely sentence, very raw and powerful. :P
Great job! I enjoyed this immensely! :)
~AvidWriter-92 from Roadhouse. :)
23AvidWriter-92Wow. This is pretty angsty. 0_0
But... I love it! :D
Lol.
Anyways...
I was a little confused about the whole WebMd thing... Sorry! :P
But, otherwise, I think that this is full of emotion, and is very well written. It flows very nicely from one thing to the next. :)
I think that the narrator kind of has a thing for the person that he "hates" so much. That's what I got from it, anyways... His anger and conviction that this guy is not good, seems a little stronger than just plain dislike. :P Maybe my imagination's just getting away, too? :P
My favorite line that jumped out at me was:
"You'll get a shitload of medication, and I hope that you take it all at one time."
Lovely sentence, very raw and powerful. :P
Great job! I enjoyed this immensely! :)
~AvidWriter-92 from Roadhouse. :)
5/26/2010 c1 1in6million
Heh, gotta say: fucked-up characters sure make for good reading. And what's more - the quality you ascribed to this "'half-starved faggot's" personality being "It's like a puzzle. The edge pieces are so easy to figure out." It's interesting to think that this applies to anyone and everyone...
Anyways, as for specifics about this I thought that having no names included was a great idea. Your language is deliciously morbid and it feels somehow... right in the story. The flow is near perfect. What's more is that it's fascinating to think that the one being described as potentially bipolar-autistic-OCD (basically, there is something fundamentally wrong there) is being so described by someone who thinks that being able to taste food and appreciate a good fuck "are the only things in life that mean anything." Both are as fucked-up as each other, I surmise.
Has to be said that I liked this pun: "You're such a fucking cocksucker and I hate you for it."
Anyways, sorry for the rambling review. It basically boils down to: I like this. A lot. Probably the best one-shot I’ve read in a long time.
~ 1in6
Heh, gotta say: fucked-up characters sure make for good reading. And what's more - the quality you ascribed to this "'half-starved faggot's" personality being "It's like a puzzle. The edge pieces are so easy to figure out." It's interesting to think that this applies to anyone and everyone...
Anyways, as for specifics about this I thought that having no names included was a great idea. Your language is deliciously morbid and it feels somehow... right in the story. The flow is near perfect. What's more is that it's fascinating to think that the one being described as potentially bipolar-autistic-OCD (basically, there is something fundamentally wrong there) is being so described by someone who thinks that being able to taste food and appreciate a good fuck "are the only things in life that mean anything." Both are as fucked-up as each other, I surmise.
Has to be said that I liked this pun: "You're such a fucking cocksucker and I hate you for it."
Anyways, sorry for the rambling review. It basically boils down to: I like this. A lot. Probably the best one-shot I’ve read in a long time.
~ 1in6
5/18/2010 c1 Diogeneszeno
The word works n this setting because it's selfhang and spiteful. That was really good.
The word works n this setting because it's selfhang and spiteful. That was really good.
12/27/2009 c1 xXhootsXx
Wow...that was...interesting...(: I liked it a lot...It was kind of messed up though...Not a bad thing! :D
Wow...that was...interesting...(: I liked it a lot...It was kind of messed up though...Not a bad thing! :D
12/23/2009 c1 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
Wow...that is one majorly messed up mind! I think you've found your niche in writing ~ screwed up people are your forte! What's more worrying is that I wasn't as freaked out by this as I think I should've been... -.-:;
Keep it up, huggles and kisses, and LJ me NAO!
~ Sakina x
9Sakina the Fallen AngelWow...that is one majorly messed up mind! I think you've found your niche in writing ~ screwed up people are your forte! What's more worrying is that I wasn't as freaked out by this as I think I should've been... -.-:;
Keep it up, huggles and kisses, and LJ me NAO!
~ Sakina x
12/18/2009 c1 36MissGreySunshine
Well, I thank you for finally writing a piece like this. Second person, but fiction with a hell of a lot of emotion. I could never write something so powerful. Let alone in second person.
As I have said already, if there were a kudos button, it would be clicked a million (or more) times.
I am adding this to my favourties.
And I think the stron profanity definately worked to your advantage in this story. It emphasised how the narrator felt about him.
Wow...
That's all I can say
-MGS-
36MissGreySunshineWell, I thank you for finally writing a piece like this. Second person, but fiction with a hell of a lot of emotion. I could never write something so powerful. Let alone in second person.
As I have said already, if there were a kudos button, it would be clicked a million (or more) times.
I am adding this to my favourties.
And I think the stron profanity definately worked to your advantage in this story. It emphasised how the narrator felt about him.
Wow...
That's all I can say
-MGS-
12/8/2009 c1 22Mizzuz Spock
I love pieces like this for two reasons: One) I can't write them. They come off sounding forced and way too whiney, like I'm some emo little kid who hates the world. And two) It's so...the only word I can come up with is "raw." It's real, it's gritty, and it's deep. I really, really like that.
The character is so well-developed here. And it's definitely because of the word choice. There are some people who would be too scared to drop the f-bomb and toss around a couple of s-grenades. And "faggot?" That word is so taboo. I like how you didn't shy away from "colorful" language. The depth and emotion it conveyed felt far more real than if you'd tried to substitute.
I'm normally not a fan of this kind of writing, but I found the character and his twisted situation to be strangely likeable. Oh, unrequited love. The end almost made me cry. (But, then again, I cry at the end of a lot of things that aren't even sad, because they remind me of other things...that are sad.)
Anyways, I digress. This is a wonderful piece of prose and I found it to be fun, emotional, and sarcastic. My favorite line throughout the entire thing: "A very clean window, the kind that birds fly into because they just can’t tell if it’s there or not."
Kudos on an awesome one-shot. One of my faves for sure. :]
22Mizzuz SpockI love pieces like this for two reasons: One) I can't write them. They come off sounding forced and way too whiney, like I'm some emo little kid who hates the world. And two) It's so...the only word I can come up with is "raw." It's real, it's gritty, and it's deep. I really, really like that.
The character is so well-developed here. And it's definitely because of the word choice. There are some people who would be too scared to drop the f-bomb and toss around a couple of s-grenades. And "faggot?" That word is so taboo. I like how you didn't shy away from "colorful" language. The depth and emotion it conveyed felt far more real than if you'd tried to substitute.
I'm normally not a fan of this kind of writing, but I found the character and his twisted situation to be strangely likeable. Oh, unrequited love. The end almost made me cry. (But, then again, I cry at the end of a lot of things that aren't even sad, because they remind me of other things...that are sad.)
Anyways, I digress. This is a wonderful piece of prose and I found it to be fun, emotional, and sarcastic. My favorite line throughout the entire thing: "A very clean window, the kind that birds fly into because they just can’t tell if it’s there or not."
Kudos on an awesome one-shot. One of my faves for sure. :]
12/8/2009 c1 6MantraMagazine
Well, I like reading stories about 'twisted characters and weird relationships' so I thought your story was awesome. (Thank you by the way for apologizing about using 'faggot' so much, that you understood how important it was to use it to get your character and your point across but still had enough modesty to say sorry was really cool of you.)
I can see where you draw inspiration from anime and the like here, but I don't feel that your story is consumed by it. I've read stories where it's been like a convoluted mess and the only think you could get out of it was the strange allure of anime characteristics.
So in the first chapter I was able to get who your characters are (roughly), where they stand with each other, certain habits that help shape how they react with each other, and what your main character wants from it all. Good job! And I like this guy's perspective. It's always extremely difficult for me to write from a nastier point of view, even when the story really needs it. I admire you for being able to pull off the complexity (or maybe it's something else ; D) of a character who's more than a dainty flower and who thinks about and expresses things that normally people don't have the guts to write.
I'm glad you're having fun with this (those are always the best stories, for both of us) and I hope this turns out to be a long one, cause I like where you're going. Thanks for posting! I really enjoyed this.
6MantraMagazineWell, I like reading stories about 'twisted characters and weird relationships' so I thought your story was awesome. (Thank you by the way for apologizing about using 'faggot' so much, that you understood how important it was to use it to get your character and your point across but still had enough modesty to say sorry was really cool of you.)
I can see where you draw inspiration from anime and the like here, but I don't feel that your story is consumed by it. I've read stories where it's been like a convoluted mess and the only think you could get out of it was the strange allure of anime characteristics.
So in the first chapter I was able to get who your characters are (roughly), where they stand with each other, certain habits that help shape how they react with each other, and what your main character wants from it all. Good job! And I like this guy's perspective. It's always extremely difficult for me to write from a nastier point of view, even when the story really needs it. I admire you for being able to pull off the complexity (or maybe it's something else ; D) of a character who's more than a dainty flower and who thinks about and expresses things that normally people don't have the guts to write.
I'm glad you're having fun with this (those are always the best stories, for both of us) and I hope this turns out to be a long one, cause I like where you're going. Thanks for posting! I really enjoyed this.
10/20/2009 c1 7Julia in Reverse
Wow, is it really twisted of me to say I kind of love this? And that I'm really upset that it's only a chapter long? And that I kind of want your permission to continue it? XD
So, I've also read Regan Saves the Drama Club, and I'm kind of in awe of the difference. This is just as wonderfully fantastic, but it's such a drastic change; it's bitter and angry and agnsty and so much love, while the other one is flimsy and fun and silly (but also so much love, lol). The way you alter your voice for different characters is amazing, and I find myself being one of the most envious people on the planet right now, because I wish I could write like you can. I feel a bit like a little kid playing dressup compared to you, if I may use that euphemism and still make sense. You're fantastic, and please continue the awesome work!
7Julia in ReverseWow, is it really twisted of me to say I kind of love this? And that I'm really upset that it's only a chapter long? And that I kind of want your permission to continue it? XD
So, I've also read Regan Saves the Drama Club, and I'm kind of in awe of the difference. This is just as wonderfully fantastic, but it's such a drastic change; it's bitter and angry and agnsty and so much love, while the other one is flimsy and fun and silly (but also so much love, lol). The way you alter your voice for different characters is amazing, and I find myself being one of the most envious people on the planet right now, because I wish I could write like you can. I feel a bit like a little kid playing dressup compared to you, if I may use that euphemism and still make sense. You're fantastic, and please continue the awesome work!
10/19/2009 c1 109ADSpencer
Wow, this was an intense, twisted little piece. I think the language use and the obsession fit the character perfectly. I mean, parts of it were confusing and ramble-happy, but it was all in a good way. It fit. Perfectly. It was as if you were possessed by this guy for a thousand words or so, seriously. (Which I believe is always a good thing when writing a character-based piece). Well done!
109ADSpencerWow, this was an intense, twisted little piece. I think the language use and the obsession fit the character perfectly. I mean, parts of it were confusing and ramble-happy, but it was all in a good way. It fit. Perfectly. It was as if you were possessed by this guy for a thousand words or so, seriously. (Which I believe is always a good thing when writing a character-based piece). Well done!
10/18/2009 c1 4Iku-Youko
I love this. The excessive use of profanities and hatred. I'm adding this to my faves!
4Iku-YoukoI love this. The excessive use of profanities and hatred. I'm adding this to my faves!
10/16/2009 c1 43Patricia Louise
Wow...I really love the emotion in this. You've got hatred and twisted down to a T, and that's a good thing! I usually don't get into stories written in second person, but I really enjoyed this one. I like your choice of title, in comparison to the story, as well!
43Patricia LouiseWow...I really love the emotion in this. You've got hatred and twisted down to a T, and that's a good thing! I usually don't get into stories written in second person, but I really enjoyed this one. I like your choice of title, in comparison to the story, as well!
10/15/2009 c1 27BaxterB
I...I really have nothing to say against this one. The best part I'd say would be the voice, which is just superb. The massive amounts of swearing and unnecessarily large words reminded me a great deal of the main character in Catcher In The Rye. I'm almost surprised that phony isn't in there. Anyway, this is an ace story you've got here, I do hope more people read it.
27BaxterBI...I really have nothing to say against this one. The best part I'd say would be the voice, which is just superb. The massive amounts of swearing and unnecessarily large words reminded me a great deal of the main character in Catcher In The Rye. I'm almost surprised that phony isn't in there. Anyway, this is an ace story you've got here, I do hope more people read it.