for Respect for the Dead11/27/2011 c1 
1Wallflower.x
LOVED YOUR OPENING! Completely had me wanting to read more, I wish my openings were as fantastic as this one. :D
I also really loved your characters. I love this kind of story so it was fantastic that I also felt that I could relate to Amanda and would have acted the way she was acting! I really loved Addison right from the start and you did a good job in making him seem complete as a character as well as, well, very hot and likable in his way. Very good hold on all of your characters here, I love them. XD
You are very good at description and throughout this one shot it all seemed very vivd to me. Also, your character interaction was flawless.
Loved the sudden turn the story took towards the end. It was so amazing!
1Wallflower.xLOVED YOUR OPENING! Completely had me wanting to read more, I wish my openings were as fantastic as this one. :D
I also really loved your characters. I love this kind of story so it was fantastic that I also felt that I could relate to Amanda and would have acted the way she was acting! I really loved Addison right from the start and you did a good job in making him seem complete as a character as well as, well, very hot and likable in his way. Very good hold on all of your characters here, I love them. XD
You are very good at description and throughout this one shot it all seemed very vivd to me. Also, your character interaction was flawless.
Loved the sudden turn the story took towards the end. It was so amazing!
6/24/2010 c1 16Creeping Collarbones
The first line made me laugh!
This was a fun to read. It was interesting. Haha xD. I also didn't notice any mistakes and of that shiz, so that's really great!
Wonderful piece!(:
16Creeping CollarbonesThe first line made me laugh!
This was a fun to read. It was interesting. Haha xD. I also didn't notice any mistakes and of that shiz, so that's really great!
Wonderful piece!(:
6/24/2010 c1 12lianoid
Ha-ha, excellent first line. Fantastic way to grab a reader’s attention.
Overall I thought this piece was pretty interesting. I didn’t notice any clichés so that’s a big compliment on your part. Or perhaps I’m just ignorant when it comes to clichés... who knows. Either way, I meant it as a compliment.
Your writing is error free as always, which is always wonderful, and your sentence structures and word choices were great. I had a problem with Addie suddenly admitting he liked-liked her, though. I felt it was a bit sudden and you could have transitioned into it a bit better. The tone changed so quickly I literally had to stop and read over it again because I wasn’t sure what had spurred the sudden change.
I like the sudden turn of events, though; but again I think you could have made the transition a bit smoother. Other than that though, I really liked this piece. I’m totally digging Addie, he sounds like such a hottie, and I love his devious personality. –fans self– Always the bad boys, I tell you.
12lianoidHa-ha, excellent first line. Fantastic way to grab a reader’s attention.
Overall I thought this piece was pretty interesting. I didn’t notice any clichés so that’s a big compliment on your part. Or perhaps I’m just ignorant when it comes to clichés... who knows. Either way, I meant it as a compliment.
Your writing is error free as always, which is always wonderful, and your sentence structures and word choices were great. I had a problem with Addie suddenly admitting he liked-liked her, though. I felt it was a bit sudden and you could have transitioned into it a bit better. The tone changed so quickly I literally had to stop and read over it again because I wasn’t sure what had spurred the sudden change.
I like the sudden turn of events, though; but again I think you could have made the transition a bit smoother. Other than that though, I really liked this piece. I’m totally digging Addie, he sounds like such a hottie, and I love his devious personality. –fans self– Always the bad boys, I tell you.
6/18/2010 c1 2cheveux roux
OH MY GOSH.
That was really good! It had a lot of twists and turns, and I didn't notice the cliches at all when I was reading (I can't really think of any right now). Even if there were cliches, you have such a creative writing style that it isn't very noticeable. I love the idea, and when Amanda/Marie pushed Addison on the fence, my mouth literally fell open!
And the first line was priceless.
2cheveux rouxOH MY GOSH.
That was really good! It had a lot of twists and turns, and I didn't notice the cliches at all when I was reading (I can't really think of any right now). Even if there were cliches, you have such a creative writing style that it isn't very noticeable. I love the idea, and when Amanda/Marie pushed Addison on the fence, my mouth literally fell open!
And the first line was priceless.
3/25/2010 c1 99Dreamers-Requiem
Nice - I really enjoyed reading that! Maybe it's watching too much Supernatural, but when the girl appeared I guessed she was going to inhabit Amanda. Nice work at building up at the atmosphere here, and the foreshadowing was done really well.
99Dreamers-RequiemNice - I really enjoyed reading that! Maybe it's watching too much Supernatural, but when the girl appeared I guessed she was going to inhabit Amanda. Nice work at building up at the atmosphere here, and the foreshadowing was done really well.
3/4/2010 c1 10white wolf97
that was really predictable, but i liked it. ooh, impaled him with a spike? awesome! i like violence!
could you read and review my story, this isnt it? if you already read and reviewed it, (i dont keep track) then read the sequeal, on the wall.
10white wolf97that was really predictable, but i liked it. ooh, impaled him with a spike? awesome! i like violence!
could you read and review my story, this isnt it? if you already read and reviewed it, (i dont keep track) then read the sequeal, on the wall.
2/28/2010 c1 1Mintiee
Ohh, erghh...goosebumps...seriously...not funny. That was some creepy, creepy stuff. And then end? I wasn't expecting them to die! Jeesh, overreaction on the part of the dead girl? Slightly XDD
What an amazing piece of writing...being all eerie and ghosty and creepy is really hard, but you did it really well. I'm going to be freaked out for the rest of the night XD
But when they were defiling the graves, that frustrated me. I have a kind of thing about vandalism, and it made me relate to
Amanda a lot. I would have acted exactly the same in her place, only i wouldn't have forgiven them so readily. :)
The opening sentence was really great XD made me laugh immediately, and kept me reading all the way until the last word.
And your description was brilliant too, especially of the ghost and the bit where Addison got...impaled XD He didn't deserve to die, not really, coz i really liked him as a character. He was so sweet towards the end! Though that did happen a bit suddenly...
then there was that twist, which effectively shocked the hell out of me. It was awesome, seriously. Please continue this? I would love to see what you do with it.
-M.
1MintieeOhh, erghh...goosebumps...seriously...not funny. That was some creepy, creepy stuff. And then end? I wasn't expecting them to die! Jeesh, overreaction on the part of the dead girl? Slightly XDD
What an amazing piece of writing...being all eerie and ghosty and creepy is really hard, but you did it really well. I'm going to be freaked out for the rest of the night XD
But when they were defiling the graves, that frustrated me. I have a kind of thing about vandalism, and it made me relate to
Amanda a lot. I would have acted exactly the same in her place, only i wouldn't have forgiven them so readily. :)
The opening sentence was really great XD made me laugh immediately, and kept me reading all the way until the last word.
And your description was brilliant too, especially of the ghost and the bit where Addison got...impaled XD He didn't deserve to die, not really, coz i really liked him as a character. He was so sweet towards the end! Though that did happen a bit suddenly...
then there was that twist, which effectively shocked the hell out of me. It was awesome, seriously. Please continue this? I would love to see what you do with it.
-M.
2/14/2010 c1 Palm Tree
Well, first of all, your opening was perfection. I mean, I didn't think anything could pull me in so fast, and I'm almost ashamed considering what it was! XD
Second, your characters were just so full of win, and this seemed to be almost made for me and I want to die admitting that. I mean, everything Amanda did, I would have so done, and everything she felt is exactly how I tend to feel. Especially regarding graveyards and the dead like that. Addison? ADORABLE. And by that I mean, HE SOUNDED SO HOT. Both he and Devon were so very interesting and its obvious you have a good hold on their characters.
Third, your description and character interaction throughout the whole thing painted a vivid picture. I loved every second of reading, although a few question marks did pop up at how easily Addison spilled his heart and how things went down the fairy tale road. But then that leads me to...
Fourth and finally, THE END. MAJOR WIN. Oh my god. You are so fabulous and awesome, I don't know how to go on because there are no words. My mouth fell open at the sudden violent turn and I was just like "YES." A total snap to the fairy tale thing, and so evilly evil with the ghost they had seen being the cause of it all, or, well, the murderer, you know. ;3
This was an awesome read and I'm glad I decided to check it out! Be sure to let me know when you have something, anything, published because I'd sure buy it!
Well, first of all, your opening was perfection. I mean, I didn't think anything could pull me in so fast, and I'm almost ashamed considering what it was! XD
Second, your characters were just so full of win, and this seemed to be almost made for me and I want to die admitting that. I mean, everything Amanda did, I would have so done, and everything she felt is exactly how I tend to feel. Especially regarding graveyards and the dead like that. Addison? ADORABLE. And by that I mean, HE SOUNDED SO HOT. Both he and Devon were so very interesting and its obvious you have a good hold on their characters.
Third, your description and character interaction throughout the whole thing painted a vivid picture. I loved every second of reading, although a few question marks did pop up at how easily Addison spilled his heart and how things went down the fairy tale road. But then that leads me to...
Fourth and finally, THE END. MAJOR WIN. Oh my god. You are so fabulous and awesome, I don't know how to go on because there are no words. My mouth fell open at the sudden violent turn and I was just like "YES." A total snap to the fairy tale thing, and so evilly evil with the ghost they had seen being the cause of it all, or, well, the murderer, you know. ;3
This was an awesome read and I'm glad I decided to check it out! Be sure to let me know when you have something, anything, published because I'd sure buy it!
2/3/2010 c1 12RaccoonQueen
I didn't really see a whole lot of cliches. It's hard to avoid them when you're dealing with a scary/ghost story. I like the twist where Amanda is possessed. I would love to see this is as a full-length story.
Keep writing
-Dixxy
12RaccoonQueenI didn't really see a whole lot of cliches. It's hard to avoid them when you're dealing with a scary/ghost story. I like the twist where Amanda is possessed. I would love to see this is as a full-length story.
Keep writing
-Dixxy
1/23/2010 c1 4ShortInsanity
I love that story! Respect the dead, or else. The beginning was great because it gave you a: "Huh?" and made you want to continue reading. Usually it drives me insane when things aren't explained, but in this story, I actually like it.
4ShortInsanityI love that story! Respect the dead, or else. The beginning was great because it gave you a: "Huh?" and made you want to continue reading. Usually it drives me insane when things aren't explained, but in this story, I actually like it.
1/2/2010 c1 8Luna Addictus
Respect for the dead indeed. The story actually had the feel of a very well done ghost story - minus the running cliche of love sworn to forever.
Marie is simply scary. Her possession of Amanda is quite cool. I feel bad for Amanda though, since it is her body which Marie used to kill Addison, she will be pointed as the murderer.
This says something since I avoid reading anything even mildly scary.
~ Luna A.
8Luna AddictusRespect for the dead indeed. The story actually had the feel of a very well done ghost story - minus the running cliche of love sworn to forever.
Marie is simply scary. Her possession of Amanda is quite cool. I feel bad for Amanda though, since it is her body which Marie used to kill Addison, she will be pointed as the murderer.
This says something since I avoid reading anything even mildly scary.
~ Luna A.
12/30/2009 c1 12BangxDitto
WHOA! That totally came out of NOWHERE! [Sorry I take forever to review]
I was like "Aw they're-oh...OH MY-! Oh, she possessed her."
=]
I don't really know how you could make a story since you basically killed the main cast. =P But I'd like to definitely see more of this. It was so...creepy. And amazing.
12BangxDittoWHOA! That totally came out of NOWHERE! [Sorry I take forever to review]
I was like "Aw they're-oh...OH MY-! Oh, she possessed her."
=]
I don't really know how you could make a story since you basically killed the main cast. =P But I'd like to definitely see more of this. It was so...creepy. And amazing.
12/30/2009 c1 xXhootsXx
I enjoyed it, but I feel bad for Amanda. The blame for the murders will probably be placed on her. It was an excellent one-shot and the characters were very real.
I enjoyed it, but I feel bad for Amanda. The blame for the murders will probably be placed on her. It was an excellent one-shot and the characters were very real.
12/27/2009 c1 9Experiment101
I laughed, and I laughed a lot was that the right thing to do? hmn. Amanda cracked me up with her shyness being a graveyard adventurer in my youth I can connect to this store (I did *NOT* pee on headstones!)
9Experiment101I laughed, and I laughed a lot was that the right thing to do? hmn. Amanda cracked me up with her shyness being a graveyard adventurer in my youth I can connect to this store (I did *NOT* pee on headstones!)
11/25/2009 c1 Tawny Owl
I loved the image of the tattoos being obnoxiously visible and ‘A lock of dark hair fell into his face, which he was far too busy to push away.’ Was brilliant.
if his boasts were to be believed. – not sure you need that, my imagination was there already. Or may be say or put an at least in front of it: it reads a bit clunky as it is.
mischeviously, (mischievously). And you spell cemetery wrong in a couple of places.
Amanda was really well done, I loved the fluttering hands. It took me a while to distinguish between Devon and Addison (apart from the physical differences) Addison seems more of a goofy joker though where as Devon seems a bit more brutal – what with kicking the gravestone. I liked the way you got the rhythm of the American teen speak without it being annoying as well.
Tips of their noses brushing – that was scary. Where there any supernatural smells or sounds as well? I would have liked to read more of it given what happens later.
I liked the repetition of I guess, but Amanda’s possession seemed a bit sudden although it did make sense so you don’t really need the ‘or rather Marie’
With the description I kind of expected something clichéd so I didn’t mind that. And they seem like the beginnings of strong characters so good luck with expanding them.
I loved the image of the tattoos being obnoxiously visible and ‘A lock of dark hair fell into his face, which he was far too busy to push away.’ Was brilliant.
if his boasts were to be believed. – not sure you need that, my imagination was there already. Or may be say or put an at least in front of it: it reads a bit clunky as it is.
mischeviously, (mischievously). And you spell cemetery wrong in a couple of places.
Amanda was really well done, I loved the fluttering hands. It took me a while to distinguish between Devon and Addison (apart from the physical differences) Addison seems more of a goofy joker though where as Devon seems a bit more brutal – what with kicking the gravestone. I liked the way you got the rhythm of the American teen speak without it being annoying as well.
Tips of their noses brushing – that was scary. Where there any supernatural smells or sounds as well? I would have liked to read more of it given what happens later.
I liked the repetition of I guess, but Amanda’s possession seemed a bit sudden although it did make sense so you don’t really need the ‘or rather Marie’
With the description I kind of expected something clichéd so I didn’t mind that. And they seem like the beginnings of strong characters so good luck with expanding them.