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10/22/2009 c1 1faienceface
Go further! Extend metaphors, have events progress, all that good stuff. What we have here is a brief flash of someone's mind for half a second, no context but a vague idea of romance of some sort.

There are some good lines ("love bleeds through"), but I'd reconsider the frog/prince metaphor, at least stated so outright. It's been used a lot.

But it's NOT BAD. that's the important part.

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