for When A Rose Blooms12/4/2010 c1 S.S. Dailey
Okay, I'm going to give constructive criticism here. It seems like you have the nice start to a story here, but I can see some things that need work. This is especially true with sentence structure as you have a tendency to write run-on sentences.
I do like how you start out with the whole once upon a time bit. It makes me feel like I'm going to read a fairy tale, one where you know that the main character will go through challenges but in the end there will be a happy ending. And that is what readers want in a story. They want either a happily-ever-after or at least happily-for-now.
Another issue-and this is one that I have issues with as well-is showing instead of telling. In the second paragraph you just start spitting out all this information. You talk about the library and include the hide-and-seek thing-which is really nice, but then you move on to talking about Juliana not liking black and then talking about her ladies' maid.
One more thing to comment on fixing is that numbers from 1-9 should be written out (one, two, three, etc.). 10 or above and you can use the numerical form.
I also like how Juliana writes to her father. It's a nice little character trait. Finally I love the very last part, because we all know that she will break eventually.
Anyway, I hope this helps you out a little.
S.S. Dailey
Okay, I'm going to give constructive criticism here. It seems like you have the nice start to a story here, but I can see some things that need work. This is especially true with sentence structure as you have a tendency to write run-on sentences.
I do like how you start out with the whole once upon a time bit. It makes me feel like I'm going to read a fairy tale, one where you know that the main character will go through challenges but in the end there will be a happy ending. And that is what readers want in a story. They want either a happily-ever-after or at least happily-for-now.
Another issue-and this is one that I have issues with as well-is showing instead of telling. In the second paragraph you just start spitting out all this information. You talk about the library and include the hide-and-seek thing-which is really nice, but then you move on to talking about Juliana not liking black and then talking about her ladies' maid.
One more thing to comment on fixing is that numbers from 1-9 should be written out (one, two, three, etc.). 10 or above and you can use the numerical form.
I also like how Juliana writes to her father. It's a nice little character trait. Finally I love the very last part, because we all know that she will break eventually.
Anyway, I hope this helps you out a little.
S.S. Dailey
1/16/2010 c10 Ipaintwithwords
Frank had better stop denying his feelings for Juliana or he will be miserable forever! Gosh, if it is about Rebecca, it seems everyone around him knows he didn't love her, although he probably did want that baby.
Another good one my dear!
Frank had better stop denying his feelings for Juliana or he will be miserable forever! Gosh, if it is about Rebecca, it seems everyone around him knows he didn't love her, although he probably did want that baby.
Another good one my dear!
1/16/2010 c9 Ipaintwithwords
Aw...what is wrong with Frank? Is this really about work? I think not. That is one miserable man, and one in love...
And poor Juliana, feeling confused and rejected...well darn it all!
Wonderful chapter :)
Aw...what is wrong with Frank? Is this really about work? I think not. That is one miserable man, and one in love...
And poor Juliana, feeling confused and rejected...well darn it all!
Wonderful chapter :)
1/16/2010 c8 Ipaintwithwords
I am not sure I care for this Cameron person...he seems untrustworthy and someone not against using force to getting his way, but I shall see if that is true.
I am not sure I care for this Cameron person...he seems untrustworthy and someone not against using force to getting his way, but I shall see if that is true.
1/16/2010 c7 Ipaintwithwords
Love it, her own horse, and a perfect name. Juliana too, has a hard time with her feelings for Frank, and by heavens I have this urge to just sit them down myself...:)
Love it, her own horse, and a perfect name. Juliana too, has a hard time with her feelings for Frank, and by heavens I have this urge to just sit them down myself...:)
1/16/2010 c6 Ipaintwithwords
Lovely chapter again. Frank is sure having a hard time with his feelings regarding Juliana...goodness I expect him to toss her on his bed at any moment!
Nice detail, again, love it.
Lovely chapter again. Frank is sure having a hard time with his feelings regarding Juliana...goodness I expect him to toss her on his bed at any moment!
Nice detail, again, love it.
1/10/2010 c5 Ipaintwithwords
How nice they went dress shopping together...:)
Poor Frank, he does have it bad for Juliana doesn't he? And she for him although neither seem to realize it just yet.
:)
How nice they went dress shopping together...:)
Poor Frank, he does have it bad for Juliana doesn't he? And she for him although neither seem to realize it just yet.
:)
1/10/2010 c4 Ipaintwithwords
Nice work here. The tone is sombre between them, as it should be, regardless of whether Frank loved Rebecca or not.
It is kind of sad though, that she died, not loved by her husband.
Keep up the good work
Nice work here. The tone is sombre between them, as it should be, regardless of whether Frank loved Rebecca or not.
It is kind of sad though, that she died, not loved by her husband.
Keep up the good work
1/10/2010 c3 Ipaintwithwords
Oh good heavens. Frank married Rebecca out of a sense of duty?
I am willing to bet Rebecca perhaps died in part to free herself and him from a marriage that wasn't working?
Francis has alot to make up for kissing Juliana in his drunken state...boy...
Love this :)
Oh good heavens. Frank married Rebecca out of a sense of duty?
I am willing to bet Rebecca perhaps died in part to free herself and him from a marriage that wasn't working?
Francis has alot to make up for kissing Juliana in his drunken state...boy...
Love this :)
1/10/2010 c2 Ipaintwithwords
Oh gosh no, poor Rebecca, having just had a baby and the baby is dead?
Francis is going to just lose himself in grief isn't he?
Keep up the good work
Oh gosh no, poor Rebecca, having just had a baby and the baby is dead?
Francis is going to just lose himself in grief isn't he?
Keep up the good work
1/10/2010 c1 Ipaintwithwords
Wow. Nicely done. This is not a typical romance, the charge falling in love with her young guardian.
I loved the dialogue between the two women, and of course, Lord Francis.
With his numerous conquests I wonder if he will meet his match with Juliana.
:)
Wow. Nicely done. This is not a typical romance, the charge falling in love with her young guardian.
I loved the dialogue between the two women, and of course, Lord Francis.
With his numerous conquests I wonder if he will meet his match with Juliana.
:)
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