11/28/2010 c17 tashian
hm...u given 2oo much detail abt the program! i want mushy...hot stuf!:P

nice 1...and yes i m a devil...cz u r 1 too!:))

11/10/2010 c16 41chewychester
I like the back and forth, he said, she said.

10/15/2010 c14 tashian
wow baby wat a chaptr!

oj! keep up the gu worl...awsm humour n sarcasm...love raphael's pov!:P

4/10/2010 c13 GeTLoW
dis bk is AWESUM! lik it rules

lolz i wonder wen dey realize dey were made 4 each other

or is dat how it go's cuz rite now i'm quite dumb founded..

hehehehehe, gud job wif dah story so 4 far!. now plz rite more!

plz plz... or wait do u stil hav examz? cuz if u do i feel srry 4 u. must b hard ay? wait of cauz it is! lolz k m gonna lik go now so yep keep dah hard work!

11/17/2009 c6 richss
i really love d story. the best thing about it is it's simplicity.:)

11/11/2009 c4 AnotherRoyalty
great yaar.

I'm enjoying reading it all the more because I've already heard so much of it from you.

Btw, why don't you take Elizabeth as your unofficial beta? That should work.

10/29/2009 c1 BethyT
To start off, I do think I like the plot. I say 'think' because it got quite confusing in quite a few places.

First thing, I wanted to point out was, when you're exclaiming something, one exclamation point does the trick. When you have two, three, four, five, etc. It's unnecessary and people might think it's a bit immature. Also, when making a pause, three dots in a row is best. Using more than that has the same affect as multiple exclamation points. (Trust me, I used to do that ALL the time.)

The next thing is, your punctuation needs a little bit of work. I caught some run on sentences and you're missing some commas. I won't say anything further there, because, quite frankly, I am horrible at anything more than basic punctuation.

Also, proofread. Proofreading can take care of a lot of punctual errors and spelling errors like leaving out letters on the ends or beginnings of words, mixing of the letters, or using the wrong 'there/their/they're'.

Now, onto the places I got confused.

The first thing I got a bit confused over was, '-just gotten admission into one of the best colleges in the city and was content with the way things school all of my friends, we got separated-'

Which friends? Her high school friends? Was she content with her high school or her college? Im guessing, by context, it's her high school and her highschool friends, but as a reader, I can't always be sure. I'm pretty sure I understand what you were getting at, and I think the only problem is that you left out a few words. The next confusing part is, if they got separated, how could she still be content? And the comma should have been a period.

Next was, '-we had come to know each other through a class we took during our last year at weren't friends but well we did know each for some unknown reason she liked I got to know-'

The first part isn't confusing. They knew each other from a class they had taken. (I think you meant for the 'at' to be an 'and'.) I think the only problem with this is there are missing words. Also, what did Elizabeth like? I didn't get that at all... After that, it says something about an aura her mom always tells her about. What aura? A happy aura? A nice aura? And what did the arua have to do with Natalie?

There were other things, but I think elaborating too much further would be like beating the dead horse.

Honestly, I don't mind the story, I think you just need a little bit of work. For a first story, it's not too shabby. I can't say my first story was any better in any way.

The only tips I have for you are these:

Punctuation is key to get people reading. Without moderate punctuation, writing is hard to read and therefor people won't read it.

Also, I know exactly why I was getting confused. As the writer, you know what aura, or which friends, in which school she's talking about, therefor it's really easy to forget that your readers don't know. I have that happen to me a lot and that's why I get a friend to read my stuff before I post it. That way they can be like '...Um, this makes no sense," and I can rewrite it.

All in all, I think you did a good job! I hope this doesn't sound like a flame or discourage you to post your story or write! I was simply pointing out some things to think about while writing your next chapter. Anyways, good luck and have uber amounts of fun writing!

P.S I am utterly sorry this review is so long. I get carried away sometimes XD and also, I apologize profusely for any spelling errors, random letters or spaces. They are due to my cat's instance to sit on my hands while I typed this!

Further more, I am looking forward to see how this story progresses!