for Betwixt and Between2/9/2010 c1 
12Moonlite Star
hey, don't worry about the late reply. everyone's busy with real life, haha. (that being said, i probably will take some time to reply as well, but will try to get back to you asap).
Try to watch for grammatical errors. I could probably help with those though before you publish future chapters. There are quite a lot of them throughout the prologue. I like the character background you're providing though. Although it's quite acceptable as is, it could always use some more details, perhaps more insight onto what Candace feels about the situation - further analysis? It's up to you though as to how you want to portray Candace. Although she felt iffy about the situation, what led her to follow through? Was she solely doing it for the money? Why would money make a difference in her life when she was ready to take her life - what are her aspirations for her future?
Anyway, I thought a review would work better than another message to you. But let me know if you'd prefer a message in the future. Hope this helps.
12Moonlite Starhey, don't worry about the late reply. everyone's busy with real life, haha. (that being said, i probably will take some time to reply as well, but will try to get back to you asap).
Try to watch for grammatical errors. I could probably help with those though before you publish future chapters. There are quite a lot of them throughout the prologue. I like the character background you're providing though. Although it's quite acceptable as is, it could always use some more details, perhaps more insight onto what Candace feels about the situation - further analysis? It's up to you though as to how you want to portray Candace. Although she felt iffy about the situation, what led her to follow through? Was she solely doing it for the money? Why would money make a difference in her life when she was ready to take her life - what are her aspirations for her future?
Anyway, I thought a review would work better than another message to you. But let me know if you'd prefer a message in the future. Hope this helps.
11/19/2009 c1 bansira
I really like this. The writing is beautiful, the characters are well rounded from the start (I mean, they seem to already have their own personality standing out. That's just great!) and it's all told in this fluid way, that just keeps you interest (which prologues usually lack).
Well, the idea and possibilities for the story are amazing, and I'll definitely look forward for a next chapter.
Still, you say you want to publish the story? In that case I'm not sure if posting it here is a good idea. Then again, do what you feel is the right thing. xD
I really like this. The writing is beautiful, the characters are well rounded from the start (I mean, they seem to already have their own personality standing out. That's just great!) and it's all told in this fluid way, that just keeps you interest (which prologues usually lack).
Well, the idea and possibilities for the story are amazing, and I'll definitely look forward for a next chapter.
Still, you say you want to publish the story? In that case I'm not sure if posting it here is a good idea. Then again, do what you feel is the right thing. xD
11/8/2009 c1 2underground-writing
First off I have to say I love your story already. It sounds dark and very interesting. Your dialouge isn't forced and your description isn't too overwhleming nor lacking. Just watch out for some grammar errors. For example you said: "What my college is trying to say is..." I think you meant to say something else, am I right? Also you keep saying starred, but it's actually just stared. Other than that your story is something I'll contiune to read and enjoy. :)
P.S. I feel stupid asking this, but what does Apapapa mean?
2underground-writingFirst off I have to say I love your story already. It sounds dark and very interesting. Your dialouge isn't forced and your description isn't too overwhleming nor lacking. Just watch out for some grammar errors. For example you said: "What my college is trying to say is..." I think you meant to say something else, am I right? Also you keep saying starred, but it's actually just stared. Other than that your story is something I'll contiune to read and enjoy. :)
P.S. I feel stupid asking this, but what does Apapapa mean?