for Celestia of the Thorns11/6/2009 c1 sw33tdaisie
this story seems really well written and interesting...i hope you do really good in the NaNoWriMo...i can't wait to read what you write next!
this story seems really well written and interesting...i hope you do really good in the NaNoWriMo...i can't wait to read what you write next!
11/6/2009 c1 
1AsakuraX
I really like this! Hopefully the story'll get thicker and even better. I'm already loving this...Can't wait for more
1AsakuraXI really like this! Hopefully the story'll get thicker and even better. I'm already loving this...Can't wait for more
11/6/2009 c1 6Lilang
You did really well by posting it... It is really an intriguing and mysterious universe. I can't wait for the end of the month, to read the whole story !
I noticed one mistake, when you give the ages of Nikos and Dmitriy : you say for both that they are nineteen ;)
Good luck on the writing !
6LilangYou did really well by posting it... It is really an intriguing and mysterious universe. I can't wait for the end of the month, to read the whole story !
I noticed one mistake, when you give the ages of Nikos and Dmitriy : you say for both that they are nineteen ;)
Good luck on the writing !
11/6/2009 c1 1walkonair
Love love love it! So far, it isn't like Twilight at all!
Here are my comments (I wrote as I read, so they're a bit choppy) All of these suggestions are for after NaNoWriMo is done-don't lose your mojo editing!
*I thought it said in the author's note 'do NOT review' and I was like 'WHAT?' I reread that line!
*The first line is, IMHO, one of the most important lines of a book. It has to draw the reader in and make them curious. I like your first line's message, but a bit of rewriting might make it clearer. Also, you have quite a few '-' (can't remember what they're called) in the first couple paragraphs; maybe when you edit you could substitute a few of those for ;s.
*you use 'anger' in two sentences. "...managed to hold my anger in. It wouldn't do to anger the..."
*Celestia has an awesomely long name. :)
*You don't really explain who Eden is. Is that purposeful?
*"...but none of us has had him assassinated to date." "And not for lack of trying, I bet." Who says the second part ('And not for...')?
*Would Celeste wear a corset/other undergarmet when she puts on her green silk dress?
*Is Dayna you in a cameo? :)
*You goofed on the ages-you say that Dimitriy is nineteen and 1 year younger than her, and you say that Nikos is nineteen and 3 years younger than her.
*I like the family interaction. It's a nice way to introduce the characters.
Oh wow! You dedicated the chapter to me. I'm in shock and grinning like a madwoman. My boss must think I'm crazy. (He's the greatest boss ever, though. He's known for a long time that I'm crazy.)
I love this story so far. And I took your note about giving feedback seriously-hope you don't mind!
1walkonairLove love love it! So far, it isn't like Twilight at all!
Here are my comments (I wrote as I read, so they're a bit choppy) All of these suggestions are for after NaNoWriMo is done-don't lose your mojo editing!
*I thought it said in the author's note 'do NOT review' and I was like 'WHAT?' I reread that line!
*The first line is, IMHO, one of the most important lines of a book. It has to draw the reader in and make them curious. I like your first line's message, but a bit of rewriting might make it clearer. Also, you have quite a few '-' (can't remember what they're called) in the first couple paragraphs; maybe when you edit you could substitute a few of those for ;s.
*you use 'anger' in two sentences. "...managed to hold my anger in. It wouldn't do to anger the..."
*Celestia has an awesomely long name. :)
*You don't really explain who Eden is. Is that purposeful?
*"...but none of us has had him assassinated to date." "And not for lack of trying, I bet." Who says the second part ('And not for...')?
*Would Celeste wear a corset/other undergarmet when she puts on her green silk dress?
*Is Dayna you in a cameo? :)
*You goofed on the ages-you say that Dimitriy is nineteen and 1 year younger than her, and you say that Nikos is nineteen and 3 years younger than her.
*I like the family interaction. It's a nice way to introduce the characters.
Oh wow! You dedicated the chapter to me. I'm in shock and grinning like a madwoman. My boss must think I'm crazy. (He's the greatest boss ever, though. He's known for a long time that I'm crazy.)
I love this story so far. And I took your note about giving feedback seriously-hope you don't mind!