for Written Betrayel2/16/2011 c3 
5thefaultinourpatronus
I kind of like the name 'Gail'. Aah I see the connection now =| Charlie does seem like the hot-and-cold kind of guy. Poor poor Gail. I like how she lectures herself about everything or every move Charlie makes. It's a true indicator that she loves him! Onward to the next chapters (:
x mandy
5thefaultinourpatronusI kind of like the name 'Gail'. Aah I see the connection now =| Charlie does seem like the hot-and-cold kind of guy. Poor poor Gail. I like how she lectures herself about everything or every move Charlie makes. It's a true indicator that she loves him! Onward to the next chapters (:
x mandy
2/16/2011 c2 thefaultinourpatronus
What a cute chapter :) Somehow I don't see how the story title could connect with this beautiful relationship... and I don't want to, either! It's just too wonderful and sweet to give up, you know?
x mandy
What a cute chapter :) Somehow I don't see how the story title could connect with this beautiful relationship... and I don't want to, either! It's just too wonderful and sweet to give up, you know?
x mandy
2/16/2011 c1 thefaultinourpatronus
Woah! I like the format of this. The last line made me go =O. Really cute, which is ironic because this is supposed to be sad ;) The message was clear enough, great job!
x mandy
Woah! I like the format of this. The last line made me go =O. Really cute, which is ironic because this is supposed to be sad ;) The message was clear enough, great job!
x mandy
9/17/2010 c3 6A Kiss in the Dreamhouse
This chapter really did it for me. I'm so consumed with curiosity - what is Charlie really up to? The reader has a reason to believe that he might be lying. And when that happens, I'm going to feel so sorry for Gail. She's so sweet!
Update this story soon! And I will love you forever!
6A Kiss in the DreamhouseThis chapter really did it for me. I'm so consumed with curiosity - what is Charlie really up to? The reader has a reason to believe that he might be lying. And when that happens, I'm going to feel so sorry for Gail. She's so sweet!
Update this story soon! And I will love you forever!
9/17/2010 c2 A Kiss in the Dreamhouse
They do have a perfect relationship. Makes me wonder when the bad stuff is going to happen - and I for one love drama! The absentmindedness of Charlie makes one wonder...
I think the tenses are a little confused at times, but overall a nice set-up to the story.
They do have a perfect relationship. Makes me wonder when the bad stuff is going to happen - and I for one love drama! The absentmindedness of Charlie makes one wonder...
I think the tenses are a little confused at times, but overall a nice set-up to the story.
9/17/2010 c1 A Kiss in the Dreamhouse
Nice use of form and fonts! And the last line was a killer, as the last line of any great prologue should be :)
Nice use of form and fonts! And the last line was a killer, as the last line of any great prologue should be :)
8/21/2010 c3 Sarah A. W
I really like how the story is progressing here and I like the relationship between the two characters, but I have a bad feeling about Charlie cheating on Gail.
I just hope he doesn't. I really feel sorry for her, she keeps everything to herself. If I were here, I'd do the same thing and leave him alone but she needs to do something quickly!
I really like how the story is progressing here and I like the relationship between the two characters, but I have a bad feeling about Charlie cheating on Gail.
I just hope he doesn't. I really feel sorry for her, she keeps everything to herself. If I were here, I'd do the same thing and leave him alone but she needs to do something quickly!
8/15/2010 c3 Prainey Boy
OMG Jagga, you didn't finish it. This must be prioritised to top of the list. I am dieing here, (in science) with Louie, not knowing why Charlie's acting that way.QUICKLY FINISH IT! We Love LOVE LOVE it :)
OMG Jagga, you didn't finish it. This must be prioritised to top of the list. I am dieing here, (in science) with Louie, not knowing why Charlie's acting that way.QUICKLY FINISH IT! We Love LOVE LOVE it :)
7/11/2010 c3 99Dreamers-Requiem
I really like how you're building up the conflict here, especially as Gail clearly doesn't know what to do about it; I do think, however, that you could do more on that with the way she acts around him. I'm surprised she hasn't asked if he wants to talk about it or anything :P
Also, this might just be me, but I'm curious as to the nature of their relationship; how old are these characters? Teenagers, young adults, a bit older than that maybe? Things like that sort of explain a lot about the way characters act, especially when it comes to relationships.
Anyways, nice work and I'm going to keep an eye out for the next chapter.
99Dreamers-RequiemI really like how you're building up the conflict here, especially as Gail clearly doesn't know what to do about it; I do think, however, that you could do more on that with the way she acts around him. I'm surprised she hasn't asked if he wants to talk about it or anything :P
Also, this might just be me, but I'm curious as to the nature of their relationship; how old are these characters? Teenagers, young adults, a bit older than that maybe? Things like that sort of explain a lot about the way characters act, especially when it comes to relationships.
Anyways, nice work and I'm going to keep an eye out for the next chapter.
7/4/2010 c2 Dreamers-Requiem
Aw, they're so sweet together! The romantic in my loves the sweet moments you've got here, whilst the more kind of jaded part is going "nah, it's too perfect" :P However, I think another reviewer pointed out, it gets a bit confusing as to who is speaking, especially right at the start. I thought for a bit that there were three people there, because you start off with Charlie speaking and then have the tag as 'I', just something you might want to look over.
Aw, they're so sweet together! The romantic in my loves the sweet moments you've got here, whilst the more kind of jaded part is going "nah, it's too perfect" :P However, I think another reviewer pointed out, it gets a bit confusing as to who is speaking, especially right at the start. I thought for a bit that there were three people there, because you start off with Charlie speaking and then have the tag as 'I', just something you might want to look over.
7/2/2010 c1 Dreamers-Requiem
I really like this as an opening! it draws you in, is unique, original and personally, I think it shows how easy it is to say things like that online. Anyways, really nice prologue and leaves the reader really wanting to know more.
I really like this as an opening! it draws you in, is unique, original and personally, I think it shows how easy it is to say things like that online. Anyways, really nice prologue and leaves the reader really wanting to know more.
6/14/2010 c3 23AvidWriter-92
Hmm. This is really interesting...
I am quite suscpicious of Charlie having "problems" at home... If they were such big problems, then why didn't he mention something to Gail about it?
Something fishy is going on... :P
I hope that you update this soon, because I really like where this is headed! :D
~Avid. Roadhouse. (10/10 :D)
23AvidWriter-92Hmm. This is really interesting...
I am quite suscpicious of Charlie having "problems" at home... If they were such big problems, then why didn't he mention something to Gail about it?
Something fishy is going on... :P
I hope that you update this soon, because I really like where this is headed! :D
~Avid. Roadhouse. (10/10 :D)
6/14/2010 c2 AvidWriter-92
Hello. :)
I really liked the flow of this piece. :) I'm such a romantic at heart, so I loved the little moments between Charles and the girl.
Hello. :)
I really liked the flow of this piece. :) I'm such a romantic at heart, so I loved the little moments between Charles and the girl.
6/14/2010 c1 AvidWriter-92
hey, ranDUMM. :)
I thought that this was an interesting choice of a prologue... It's pretty unique, and it hooked me in. :)
I liked the last line:
The message is clear, typing with the keyboard: I don't love you anymore.
I thought that was neat, and it makes me wonder what happened between the characters for them to not love each other anymore. :)
Oh, betrayel should be "betrayal." ^^
I liked this. :)
~Avid. Roadhouse...(repaying reviews: 8/10.)
hey, ranDUMM. :)
I thought that this was an interesting choice of a prologue... It's pretty unique, and it hooked me in. :)
I liked the last line:
The message is clear, typing with the keyboard: I don't love you anymore.
I thought that was neat, and it makes me wonder what happened between the characters for them to not love each other anymore. :)
Oh, betrayel should be "betrayal." ^^
I liked this. :)
~Avid. Roadhouse...(repaying reviews: 8/10.)
6/4/2010 c2 Broken Bird
Sometimes its kind of hard to tell who's talking because you tell what a person says, but instead of saying who said it you tell another person's reaction. It gets sort of confusing.
I do like it so far, though. Plus I liked how the first chapter/prolouge was a poem. Not really sure why, though. Lol
Anyway, great potential! Keep writing!
Sometimes its kind of hard to tell who's talking because you tell what a person says, but instead of saying who said it you tell another person's reaction. It gets sort of confusing.
I do like it so far, though. Plus I liked how the first chapter/prolouge was a poem. Not really sure why, though. Lol
Anyway, great potential! Keep writing!