for I Never Said I Was Brave4/13/2014 c1 
4Saffron123
With over a 1,000 review, I feel there is little more I can add. It's sounds like this is immensely popular and you must be doing something right to have reached that level of popularity. Especially for only a 13,000 word story.
Perhaps because this was the beginning, there are some things about your writing style I feel could improve. Paragraphs and sentences could flow into each other better. I don't get any sense of the characters.
Nevertheless, keep up the good work!
4Saffron123With over a 1,000 review, I feel there is little more I can add. It's sounds like this is immensely popular and you must be doing something right to have reached that level of popularity. Especially for only a 13,000 word story.
Perhaps because this was the beginning, there are some things about your writing style I feel could improve. Paragraphs and sentences could flow into each other better. I don't get any sense of the characters.
Nevertheless, keep up the good work!
2/20/2013 c28 99Dreamers-Requiem
I will, without a doubt, be reading Holy the Dark. I have to admit, I have missed these characters. And I never really reviewed to get a review back; I reviewed because, like all your work, I enjoy the story. And I would love to see this actually get picked up and published. I, for one, would pay to read it. Good luck with everything!
99Dreamers-RequiemI will, without a doubt, be reading Holy the Dark. I have to admit, I have missed these characters. And I never really reviewed to get a review back; I reviewed because, like all your work, I enjoy the story. And I would love to see this actually get picked up and published. I, for one, would pay to read it. Good luck with everything!
2/9/2013 c27 1k+Faithless Juliet
The dream sequence was… okay. Honestly after reading you’re a/n about this wasn’t your best writing/editing I found myself fumbling through, I didn’t really see any glaring issues but I read it with less enthusiasm than I would have had I not read your note. I think you should take that out, its distracting. Back to the dream sequence, it felt very so-so to me, I understand what was happening but at the same time I was kind of like blah, lets wake up already.
I can’t believe this is the last chapter, but I liked how you left it on a cliffhanger where Charlotte and Jude are going to the see the King. I’m intrigued to find out who and what the King is like since he’s been mentioned in almost every previous chapter, and I liked how you showed Jude’s fear about seeing his brother. Fear for Charlotte, I mean, because it gives the reader a strong glimpse into what the possible outcomes of this encounter will be. I hate that you ended it here but I can see that you were starting to ‘slip’ which is hard not to do at this stage, but, I still DESPERATLY want to know what happens next.
I now feel ready to read Holy the Dark, thank you :)
Much love,
Juliet.
1k+Faithless JulietThe dream sequence was… okay. Honestly after reading you’re a/n about this wasn’t your best writing/editing I found myself fumbling through, I didn’t really see any glaring issues but I read it with less enthusiasm than I would have had I not read your note. I think you should take that out, its distracting. Back to the dream sequence, it felt very so-so to me, I understand what was happening but at the same time I was kind of like blah, lets wake up already.
I can’t believe this is the last chapter, but I liked how you left it on a cliffhanger where Charlotte and Jude are going to the see the King. I’m intrigued to find out who and what the King is like since he’s been mentioned in almost every previous chapter, and I liked how you showed Jude’s fear about seeing his brother. Fear for Charlotte, I mean, because it gives the reader a strong glimpse into what the possible outcomes of this encounter will be. I hate that you ended it here but I can see that you were starting to ‘slip’ which is hard not to do at this stage, but, I still DESPERATLY want to know what happens next.
I now feel ready to read Holy the Dark, thank you :)
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c26 Faithless Juliet
I feel like most of this chapter is filler, and kind of a breather for Achi to sort out his thoughts and emotions. We already know Margot is dead (wait for the end, I know) so his internal struggles with that information seem a bit drawn out, although I liked more history on his poem “Margot” and I think it would add to the story if you added it in its entirety throughout the chapters – maybe rather than a song title or lyric you could add a piece of the epic “Margot” just a thought, and speaking of Margot
SHE’S ALIVE! That makes me feel so much better about where the story is going. I’ve heard so much about her throughout the previous chapters it feels almost *weird* to meet her in the flesh so to speak. I enjoyed all of the little details about her personality, especially the gap between her teeth. I like how you ‘humanized’ her for lack of a better word, and gave her realistic flaws.
Much love,
Juliet.
I feel like most of this chapter is filler, and kind of a breather for Achi to sort out his thoughts and emotions. We already know Margot is dead (wait for the end, I know) so his internal struggles with that information seem a bit drawn out, although I liked more history on his poem “Margot” and I think it would add to the story if you added it in its entirety throughout the chapters – maybe rather than a song title or lyric you could add a piece of the epic “Margot” just a thought, and speaking of Margot
SHE’S ALIVE! That makes me feel so much better about where the story is going. I’ve heard so much about her throughout the previous chapters it feels almost *weird* to meet her in the flesh so to speak. I enjoyed all of the little details about her personality, especially the gap between her teeth. I like how you ‘humanized’ her for lack of a better word, and gave her realistic flaws.
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c25 Faithless Juliet
It felt a little off that suddenly Achi was having sex with Thelma, I don’t recall any other mentions of sex (which is strange, because these characters are so young) though out the remainder of the story so it seems abrupt that Charlotte and Jude make love in the last chapter and now Achi is doing the same with Thelma. I don’t even recall any internal monologues from any of them even thinking about sex, so even though it was written good, but feel like it didn’t match the narration of the rest of the piece.
I like how Achi made the decision to go back to Charlotte and Jude and essentially leave his people. It felt right, I feel like the three of them have formed a neo community of their own, and none of them will truly be able to go back to where they came from before meeting each other.
Much love,
Juliet.
It felt a little off that suddenly Achi was having sex with Thelma, I don’t recall any other mentions of sex (which is strange, because these characters are so young) though out the remainder of the story so it seems abrupt that Charlotte and Jude make love in the last chapter and now Achi is doing the same with Thelma. I don’t even recall any internal monologues from any of them even thinking about sex, so even though it was written good, but feel like it didn’t match the narration of the rest of the piece.
I like how Achi made the decision to go back to Charlotte and Jude and essentially leave his people. It felt right, I feel like the three of them have formed a neo community of their own, and none of them will truly be able to go back to where they came from before meeting each other.
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c24 Faithless Juliet
Okay…. Yes it worked… on some levels….
I think the actual sexual act is good, I wouldn’t change what you have, although your could draw it out a little more. I feel like this had been building for 23 previous chapters, and you give us well, a paragraph. Honestly, I would have liked to see a bit more. I also think that the sex was just a hair sudden, I think maybe if Jude asks Charlotte, or the other way around to kind of feel each other’s emotions on that it might ease the reader into the actual scene more gently.
Ephraim, Ephraim, Ephraim, yeah I didn’t like his exit, it seemed forced, although I can’t really think of a suggestion to fix that problem, other than not having him show up in this chapter at all and make it exclusively Jude/Charlotte.
I didn’t care for the ending though, I hate to say it. From what I took away from it was they were high – literally – after the connection that they shared (which I liked) but I didn’t like the illusions to dance floors and chaos, it seemed too unfocused after the growth I had seen through both of their characterizations. I think it’s good that they both got to relax and let their guard down with each other but I don’t know if I like this has the best way to do it. Having said that though, I do like the scene (I’m hard to please, and I don’t think I’m being helpful here….)
Maybe if you put this scene somewhere else – maybe in one of the flashback scenes where he’s King vampire and she’s Queen moon….
Much love,
Juliet.
Okay…. Yes it worked… on some levels….
I think the actual sexual act is good, I wouldn’t change what you have, although your could draw it out a little more. I feel like this had been building for 23 previous chapters, and you give us well, a paragraph. Honestly, I would have liked to see a bit more. I also think that the sex was just a hair sudden, I think maybe if Jude asks Charlotte, or the other way around to kind of feel each other’s emotions on that it might ease the reader into the actual scene more gently.
Ephraim, Ephraim, Ephraim, yeah I didn’t like his exit, it seemed forced, although I can’t really think of a suggestion to fix that problem, other than not having him show up in this chapter at all and make it exclusively Jude/Charlotte.
I didn’t care for the ending though, I hate to say it. From what I took away from it was they were high – literally – after the connection that they shared (which I liked) but I didn’t like the illusions to dance floors and chaos, it seemed too unfocused after the growth I had seen through both of their characterizations. I think it’s good that they both got to relax and let their guard down with each other but I don’t know if I like this has the best way to do it. Having said that though, I do like the scene (I’m hard to please, and I don’t think I’m being helpful here….)
Maybe if you put this scene somewhere else – maybe in one of the flashback scenes where he’s King vampire and she’s Queen moon….
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c23 Faithless Juliet
Lots of little back stories in this chapter. I liked ho you delved more into Jude and Charlotte’s past – I really like them, not sure if you can tell – I think Jude is the best characters POV to read from, mainly because he’s so multidimensional and his POV always have the experimental narration, which is always a fun challenge to read through.
I do wish that you delved more into Ephraim’s character, but I’m still not sure if he is a good guy or a bad guy, and I want to know more. I feel like what you have so far are chapters that are linked together but you still have some loose ends with back story and character development, and I think that you realize that because you continually put your who’s who at the entry of the chapter to remind the reader.
Much love,
Juliet.
Lots of little back stories in this chapter. I liked ho you delved more into Jude and Charlotte’s past – I really like them, not sure if you can tell – I think Jude is the best characters POV to read from, mainly because he’s so multidimensional and his POV always have the experimental narration, which is always a fun challenge to read through.
I do wish that you delved more into Ephraim’s character, but I’m still not sure if he is a good guy or a bad guy, and I want to know more. I feel like what you have so far are chapters that are linked together but you still have some loose ends with back story and character development, and I think that you realize that because you continually put your who’s who at the entry of the chapter to remind the reader.
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c22 Faithless Juliet
"Learning Chiromancy." "In your spare time," I clarified, still watching Ephraim pile the dirt. Jude paused. "Learning Chiromancy," his magic overlapped.” Palm reading, interesting… A suggestion, since I don’t think you’ve mentioned Chiromancy anywhere else in the story, maybe change that to something about how he had to learn to pleasure women at a young age, to tie in with the other chapter….
Lots of things going on in this chapter…. I liked the introduction of the new witches, they reminded me of Macbeth’s Weird Sisters for some reason, I kept expecting Thelma to start: “Double double toil and trouble.” Achi’s reaction to these woman is interesting, the shapeshifter counterculture seems to be a free-loving culture much like the witches where sexuality is very open and healthy, which has always been a good balance with Charlotte’s Victorian (let’s face it, Americans are *still* very Victorian about a lot of things) sensibilities.
Is Margot really died? OMG I must read on….
Much love,
Juliet.
"Learning Chiromancy." "In your spare time," I clarified, still watching Ephraim pile the dirt. Jude paused. "Learning Chiromancy," his magic overlapped.” Palm reading, interesting… A suggestion, since I don’t think you’ve mentioned Chiromancy anywhere else in the story, maybe change that to something about how he had to learn to pleasure women at a young age, to tie in with the other chapter….
Lots of things going on in this chapter…. I liked the introduction of the new witches, they reminded me of Macbeth’s Weird Sisters for some reason, I kept expecting Thelma to start: “Double double toil and trouble.” Achi’s reaction to these woman is interesting, the shapeshifter counterculture seems to be a free-loving culture much like the witches where sexuality is very open and healthy, which has always been a good balance with Charlotte’s Victorian (let’s face it, Americans are *still* very Victorian about a lot of things) sensibilities.
Is Margot really died? OMG I must read on….
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c21 Faithless Juliet
What a chapter!
The intimacy of the scene between Jude and Charlotte was wonderful, you get an A for that scene. I really liked how you showed Charlotte taking in Jude’s magic, because in a normal way, as well as a supernatural way there *is* such a strong level of that on any human connection. We give and take energy into and out of the world. I also really liked how Charlotte bit Jude via the foreplay and he liked it, what a clever idea, I don’t think any writer has ever accurately explored what might turn a vampire on. And thank you for not saying anything along the lines of “he looked like Adonis” or that “Charlotte smelled like heroin” or anything Twilighty. This is completely different and so much better.
Much love,
Juliet.
What a chapter!
The intimacy of the scene between Jude and Charlotte was wonderful, you get an A for that scene. I really liked how you showed Charlotte taking in Jude’s magic, because in a normal way, as well as a supernatural way there *is* such a strong level of that on any human connection. We give and take energy into and out of the world. I also really liked how Charlotte bit Jude via the foreplay and he liked it, what a clever idea, I don’t think any writer has ever accurately explored what might turn a vampire on. And thank you for not saying anything along the lines of “he looked like Adonis” or that “Charlotte smelled like heroin” or anything Twilighty. This is completely different and so much better.
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c20 Faithless Juliet
I really liked how you showed the witch marriage rituals in this story. I’ve mentioned before about Jude’s devotion to the female god but I really enjoyed how you enriched that image in this chapter as well. It also blends with the Roman influences that I saw early on.
I also liked how calm this chapter was compared to the previous chapters. I wouldn’t call it a filler chapter in a since that nothing *important* happens, but it’s definitely a character building moment. I liked Achi’s interactions with Charlotte, and how you showed Jude’s confusion/jealousy and how he looked around the clearing to see if he would be scolded before going into the water. You gave the reader an entire look into his childhood with just one sentence.
Much Love,
Juliet.
I really liked how you showed the witch marriage rituals in this story. I’ve mentioned before about Jude’s devotion to the female god but I really enjoyed how you enriched that image in this chapter as well. It also blends with the Roman influences that I saw early on.
I also liked how calm this chapter was compared to the previous chapters. I wouldn’t call it a filler chapter in a since that nothing *important* happens, but it’s definitely a character building moment. I liked Achi’s interactions with Charlotte, and how you showed Jude’s confusion/jealousy and how he looked around the clearing to see if he would be scolded before going into the water. You gave the reader an entire look into his childhood with just one sentence.
Much Love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c19 Faithless Juliet
I really liked how we got to see so much of Achi in this chapter, with so much of the inner workings of his mind. I also think you did a good job at using stream of conscience. Usually that either works really well, or not at all but I really think it works well here.
Your Margot fascinates me, I wish she had shown more of her previous to this, and I hope that we get to see more glimpses of her in the future. She still makes me think of Dumas’ Margot – supposedly (probably legend, mind you) it’s said that Margot kept the dismembered head of her lover La Mộle in a glass jar for dozens of years. The religious power struggles of *her* Catholics verses her husband’s Huguenots mirrors what you have going on in this story as well, so I can’t help but find the connections. I seem to be finding a lot of connection though, lol.
Much love,
Juliet.
I really liked how we got to see so much of Achi in this chapter, with so much of the inner workings of his mind. I also think you did a good job at using stream of conscience. Usually that either works really well, or not at all but I really think it works well here.
Your Margot fascinates me, I wish she had shown more of her previous to this, and I hope that we get to see more glimpses of her in the future. She still makes me think of Dumas’ Margot – supposedly (probably legend, mind you) it’s said that Margot kept the dismembered head of her lover La Mộle in a glass jar for dozens of years. The religious power struggles of *her* Catholics verses her husband’s Huguenots mirrors what you have going on in this story as well, so I can’t help but find the connections. I seem to be finding a lot of connection though, lol.
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c18 Faithless Juliet
It may just be me, but already you’ve mentioned the name “Isolde” and in this chapter you mentioned the name “Tristan” as a senator, honestly I can’t help but see the connections. The old French/German myths about Tristan and Isolde, and of course Wagner. Again, it might just be me…
I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of chapters now, but “Sh'marook” really looks like “Shamrock” and I’ve even started to read it as such, because the exact pronunciation of “Sh’marook” is unknown. You may want to keep that in mind for future editing.
This chapter confused me a little bit. I’m not sure if you’ve told us the Ephriam is a good guy or a bad guy. I’m leaning on the bad guy side. I’m a also a bit confused about the Ellie scene. I’m not sure if it’s the witches, shapeshifters, or vamps who are holding her hostage….
Much love,
Juliet.
It may just be me, but already you’ve mentioned the name “Isolde” and in this chapter you mentioned the name “Tristan” as a senator, honestly I can’t help but see the connections. The old French/German myths about Tristan and Isolde, and of course Wagner. Again, it might just be me…
I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of chapters now, but “Sh'marook” really looks like “Shamrock” and I’ve even started to read it as such, because the exact pronunciation of “Sh’marook” is unknown. You may want to keep that in mind for future editing.
This chapter confused me a little bit. I’m not sure if you’ve told us the Ephriam is a good guy or a bad guy. I’m leaning on the bad guy side. I’m a also a bit confused about the Ellie scene. I’m not sure if it’s the witches, shapeshifters, or vamps who are holding her hostage….
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c17 Faithless Juliet
“The moonlight smelled like dance club music.” – I just have to gush: LOVE IT!
Let me just say that you are the Queen of enjambment, because whenever I try to go for things like that, it just sounds jumbled and unfocused. You use it sparingly but effectively and I think with the overall storyline of this creation that works really well.
I kind of wish you had spent a bit more time on the scenery of this chapter. You closed the last one with Charlotte feeling/seeing the tall grass and it paralleled nicely with her fear and shock that she had been in the city for so long. I wish that you had built on that a bit more in this chapter as well. Maybe explain the sounds – birds, bugs, something like that.
I also really liked how Jude *liked* how Charlotte said his name. It mirrored Charlotte’s scene in the last chapter where she *saw* Jude’s dreams. I know this story is technically not a “romance” but I’m seeing some clever undertones throughout this story so far. I don’t see it as a ‘I love you/I love you too’ kind of touchy-feely relationship, I really view it as a connection between two people who have gone through a lot of stuff. It’s a more mature outlook on human/supernatural sexuality, and I’m really enjoying how unique that feels in this story. It dovetails really nicely with what you already have, and I think if you made them too dreamy or wanty for each other the rest of the story wouldn’t work.
Much love,
Juliet.
“The moonlight smelled like dance club music.” – I just have to gush: LOVE IT!
Let me just say that you are the Queen of enjambment, because whenever I try to go for things like that, it just sounds jumbled and unfocused. You use it sparingly but effectively and I think with the overall storyline of this creation that works really well.
I kind of wish you had spent a bit more time on the scenery of this chapter. You closed the last one with Charlotte feeling/seeing the tall grass and it paralleled nicely with her fear and shock that she had been in the city for so long. I wish that you had built on that a bit more in this chapter as well. Maybe explain the sounds – birds, bugs, something like that.
I also really liked how Jude *liked* how Charlotte said his name. It mirrored Charlotte’s scene in the last chapter where she *saw* Jude’s dreams. I know this story is technically not a “romance” but I’m seeing some clever undertones throughout this story so far. I don’t see it as a ‘I love you/I love you too’ kind of touchy-feely relationship, I really view it as a connection between two people who have gone through a lot of stuff. It’s a more mature outlook on human/supernatural sexuality, and I’m really enjoying how unique that feels in this story. It dovetails really nicely with what you already have, and I think if you made them too dreamy or wanty for each other the rest of the story wouldn’t work.
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c16 Faithless Juliet
I’m sure that you brought this up in the beginning but I’m not what is actually happening when you say ‘The magic said’ I visualize a conscience force field smacking against the other person, almost like a tidal wave, and like I said I’m sure you mentioned it before but maybe at this point refreshing the readers memory as to what that action looks like might help.
I really liked the notion of Charlotte ‘seeing’ Jude’s dreams when he touched her. I really enjoyed how you described it as being so overwhelming that she could really only stay with the image for a moment. I feel like tensions between Charlotte and building and escalating (in a good way) and I’m so excited to see where you go with this story. I’m completely hooked.
Much love,
Juliet.
I’m sure that you brought this up in the beginning but I’m not what is actually happening when you say ‘The magic said’ I visualize a conscience force field smacking against the other person, almost like a tidal wave, and like I said I’m sure you mentioned it before but maybe at this point refreshing the readers memory as to what that action looks like might help.
I really liked the notion of Charlotte ‘seeing’ Jude’s dreams when he touched her. I really enjoyed how you described it as being so overwhelming that she could really only stay with the image for a moment. I feel like tensions between Charlotte and building and escalating (in a good way) and I’m so excited to see where you go with this story. I’m completely hooked.
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2013 c15 Faithless Juliet
I really liked your description of the vampires across the bridge under the floodlights. Especially your use of the word gaunt – the vampires seem, at least how I’m reading it, and the lowest of the low in terms of hierarchy, though they are still very dangerous. I like how you haven’t given them superhuman strength where they’re lifting cars and things of that nature, but rather you portray them as animals in human’s bodies. It kind of reflects the idea that five mangy dogs can kill a strong man sentiment.
I really liked Charlotte’s narration of this scene, and of course the intimacies that she shares with Jude. First the kiss, and then later when he tries to help her. I liked the “here, here, hear” bit as well, because it complemented the chaotic fear that they were both channeling.
Juliet.
I really liked your description of the vampires across the bridge under the floodlights. Especially your use of the word gaunt – the vampires seem, at least how I’m reading it, and the lowest of the low in terms of hierarchy, though they are still very dangerous. I like how you haven’t given them superhuman strength where they’re lifting cars and things of that nature, but rather you portray them as animals in human’s bodies. It kind of reflects the idea that five mangy dogs can kill a strong man sentiment.
I really liked Charlotte’s narration of this scene, and of course the intimacies that she shares with Jude. First the kiss, and then later when he tries to help her. I liked the “here, here, hear” bit as well, because it complemented the chaotic fear that they were both channeling.
Juliet.