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for For Those That Serve

11/27/2010 c2 29Duffdu
I think that you have just gone up in respect in my book, I to want to serve, although in the U.S. Marine corp, Maybe some day we can meet on the field of battle and cover each other, You are obviously passionate about this and I salute you. Good luck.
9/7/2010 c1 20diwu6398
Please don't join the Army. I understand you want to help your army, but do you have any idea how much I worry about soldiers? People in general?

But I fully understand what you want to do. Just a thought... if the British and Americans decide to war against each other (God forbid that ever happens) you'll still be my friend. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME SCARED!

You said this was Plan A. Do Plan B? For me? Who's lost everything to war and destruction? This scares me so much because I was going to join the Army. Suicide by Army, instead of suicide by cop.

Don't know if you understood this review; it's more of a scared rant than anything else.

Oh. I just skipped to the epilogue and am very happy to see that you CAN'T join. What were those mitigating circumstances? If you want to tell me.

I also read a smattering of the poems and liked them all very much, mostly because the format is so appealing to my eyes. I like short lines centered and long lines left aligned.
8/26/2010 c2 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
This piece had a whirlwind of emotions. I liked the disjointed feel of the two voices engaged in war ~ that was a very powerful effect. The repetition gave this a military and relentless feel too, and amidst all that, you portray the feeling of despair wonderfully. Loved the last line.

~ Sakina x
8/26/2010 c1 Sakina the Fallen Angel
It must have been so frustrating to be denied something that you want so badly; I can't even begin to imagine how you must've felt when you realised you needed to wait four years. Here's to hoping that you still have as much burning passion for serving once these long years are up.

~ Sakina x
6/8/2010 c4 1Formal Revya
Don't ask don't tell.

This story touches on a matter that I have first hand experience with, Having had a good friend get thrown out of the army because he was openly gay.

I would however like to point out that it is not just the guys at the top who are at fault here. There are a number of soldiers that don't think that gays should serve in the army based solely on the fact that they don't like gays. So even if we change the Policy we will still have that issue to deal with.

I have another story topic that I would like to see you take up. Women are also dislked in the army, an alarming one third of women who serve in the armed forces have been raped or sexually assaulted by their commanding officers and fellow soldiers. I think this problem needs solving every bit as much as don't ask don't tell, but it doesn't seem to be getting alot of attention from the media. so I would really like to see this get some attention paid to it.
6/8/2010 c4 52bran4ever
I'm not sure I like the tone of this piece; it's a little accusatory. So I dislike it because of that. However, I really, really like this story because of the accented words. The bold and italics really bring out the style and tone of the piece, whether I like it or not. I also like the story because of the fact that you're talking to the reader,;the drabble comes across as a speech would and that intrigues me. I dislike the ending. I dislike it because I think it ended without a reason. It gave a statement, but seemed to lack a support. I might have added a "regardless" statement or something to back up that ending. Overall, I really liked this piece.
6/8/2010 c4 1milmilcrystal
This is a really good story. It's very touching, (at least to me), and i'm enjoying it. You could make the chapters longer, though.
6/6/2010 c2 63RedactedNoLongerWriting
First off, I have to say this is a really cool idea. I like how open it is, letting you do all sorts of different styles and talk about almost anything for the next 4 years. It's also really interesting because my brother joined the military to change HIS life too so I could relate to that. I've read chapter 1 and now 2 and I'll probably read through the rest of it too. You already hooked me for those two reasons. :) I think a lot of other people would find it relatable.

The voice you use in this chapter is great. It kind of skips around (which I like, by the way) but each little bit ties in really well to the lyrics and the overall point of the chapter. I also thought the last line was very powerful. It made me smile.

I guess my only problem with this chapter was the constant use of the lyrics. I like that song but having to read between the lyrics to find your story was a little annoying at times. Maybe you could just start/finish the chapter with a short quote of the lyrics? It's completely up to you, but just thought I'd suggest it. :) -StrixAluco
6/6/2010 c10 Alice Novak
From TRG:

Good Points - The intent behind this short piece is satisfying. You have conveyed your points really well! I applaud. :) The first and last line came on very strong, probably because of the repetition.

Bad Points - A lot of words in your sentences can be cut out. eg: "I hit a nerve with me." The grammar is fine, but you could've just written, "It hit a nerve." That would've been sufficient.

In addition to that, the change of tense is kinda messy. eg: "He was the typical step-dad, throwing his weight around and hurting us." I thought that the past-continuous used at the end of this sentence was not accurate. How about, "He threw his weight around and hurt us, like the typical step-dad he was." The key is to focus on the action, not the title.

Oh, but it's still good!

Keep it up! :)

Deli .x
5/7/2010 c9 17Pale White Shadow
Keep marching, soldier. Keep marching. Hooah.
2/3/2010 c7 124in theory
I found myself a bit frustrated reading this. Don't get me wrong it's not directed at *you*, but this piece funnels a lot of what I disagree with into one piece. In my opinion warriors are not heroes, soldiers are not either. A hero (to me) is someone who selflessly submits their own safety and happiness for the sake of others'. But this isn't what soldiers do. They get paid, and quite well, they have careers and holidays. In a way, it's just a dangerous job. A job made necessary by the sad fact that humanity is a destructive and greedy species, the only one (that I've heard of) that actually destroys its own environment. Not to mention the whole war issue. It just makes me sad. And yes I know this is just my opinion, but I don't agree that it is always "right" to fight for what is "right", because the people who have decided what is "right" may not be "right", and who decides that, anyway?

Okay I'ma stop now before I get so far left I fall over.

12/18/2009 c7 22lipleaf
I like what this poem was trying to say. It emphasizes the fact that instead of worrying about the soldiers not coming back, we should support their choice. I think it's important to remember that they if they want to serve their country, it's not our place to stop them. I didn't really like the the first stanza, because using the same word to rhyme with itself is just sort of repetitive and not very appealing to the reader. I did appreciate the message you're conveying, though.
12/18/2009 c8 61RazorStar
Hey, awesome poem. I love the parallels between the words in front, and the words in brackets, as if it represents the doubt in all soldier's hearts. The emotion you invoke in me is really strong, and I appreciate that you have the ability to that with your words. I like the idea that you're fighting for the people, but it's the words of the rulers that demand where you go. Very powerful stuff Vic, I hope you continue with your poetry, this is really emotional stuff.

12/16/2009 c6 172DefineBeauty
this has some very real, raw emotion in it, and i like that. it gives us a little taste about how it feels to have a loved one in the military. the hope, the desperation, the denial. i can't imagine having that happen to myself, but you give a clear picture of that here.

the only thing i didn't really like was that it's so short. i'm not so sure what else you could add, but it just seems like maybe it's missing something.

either way, great write =]
12/16/2009 c3 DefineBeauty
aww, the last stanza is really sweet =] i really like it. it shows your patriotism and willingness to serve our country.

i also like the first few lines of the first stanza because it heavily shows your disappointment at not being able to join at this moment in time, and it makes you sad. the emotions are clear there.

great write =]
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