Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Love Changes Us

8/26/2013 c1 xxx
xxxx
9/7/2010 c2 11berley
"Something that's different… isn't always wrong."

I adore the message in this story. Their relationship is definitely different, but sometimes the best couples are the most different and out of the ordinary.

The thing is, I feel that this story didn't reach it's full potential. I wanted to know more about what the characters were thinking or feeling. What was going through Samuel's head when he went into the bathroom after Michael? I wanted to know more about the bond the two of them had to of shared to stay together for so long even though their relationship was frowned upon.

The plot is great, but it made me thirsty for more character development and general 'feelings'.

Great work, though!
11/26/2009 c2 4lookingwest
Having not read the first revision, I'm reviewing it freshly. I wasn't partial to your beginning, mostly because I felt as though you were just listing off facts for me, especially concerning the descriptions of your characters. I didn't feel like I delve into the characters too much either, I felt unattached to their situation so I feel like you could work on your character development as perhaps relating more to how each character "feels" about the situation. The story right now is extremely action-oriented, as far as character development I just know you can go deeper, especially with such interesting characters and the great message. However, just like you mentioned, your grammar, spelling and sentence structure is all tight and well put together, it's very technically well done, so the only thing I would suggest is to maybe add a little more emotion rather than constant action. Although again, everything was edited awesome!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service