for Leave me alone8/4/2005 c1 
45Brinneh
Some of your rhyming seems forced. And there is too much repitition. Don't get me wrong, repitition is a great poetic device, it can be very effective. But repitition for repitition's sake is very repetitive. Do you get my drift?Despite that, you got your message across (even if you could have done it in fewer words), so I guess the poem is ok, in that respect. A word of advice, though-don't do something, like rhyme or repitition-just to do it. Do it if it works for the poem, so that the poem is better because that particulare device is in there.Hope I was at least a bit helpful. I didn't mean to sound so harsh.~Nea
45BrinnehSome of your rhyming seems forced. And there is too much repitition. Don't get me wrong, repitition is a great poetic device, it can be very effective. But repitition for repitition's sake is very repetitive. Do you get my drift?Despite that, you got your message across (even if you could have done it in fewer words), so I guess the poem is ok, in that respect. A word of advice, though-don't do something, like rhyme or repitition-just to do it. Do it if it works for the poem, so that the poem is better because that particulare device is in there.Hope I was at least a bit helpful. I didn't mean to sound so harsh.~Nea
8/2/2002 c1 50Kittioto
LOL, that's how I felt this evening cooking up this new soup recipe! Dude, I was sooo cranky... but then, when I WAS alone, I got frustrated with myself. I uh... over-think things, it's a real problem. ^_^** So I wrote a poem to vent. ... It helps...! -_- I am sooo pathetic... kay... I'm off to go analyze something now...
50KittiotoLOL, that's how I felt this evening cooking up this new soup recipe! Dude, I was sooo cranky... but then, when I WAS alone, I got frustrated with myself. I uh... over-think things, it's a real problem. ^_^** So I wrote a poem to vent. ... It helps...! -_- I am sooo pathetic... kay... I'm off to go analyze something now...
5/24/2002 c1 41WalkingOnWater
hmmmm...this had an interesting approach on actually a few subjects, like hatred, distrust, anger...its very interesting, it made me think for the first time in a while, lol, well, great job
41WalkingOnWaterhmmmm...this had an interesting approach on actually a few subjects, like hatred, distrust, anger...its very interesting, it made me think for the first time in a while, lol, well, great job
5/8/2001 c1 Survivor
Hmm..
I think it's too simple..
try to make it in "stanza"
Hmm..
I think it's too simple..
try to make it in "stanza"
5/5/2001 c1 barry
not bad...
not bad...