for MASKED CINDERELLA11/30/2009 c1 BartholomewCubbins
Okay well, it was creative. I liked it for it's uniqueness. You have good grammar and spelling for the most part, but there were a few spots with error. I think you might have switched from third person into first person a couple of times so be careful with that. Also, just another suggestion would be to try to make your story flow better. It felt like ten different things happened all at once and it was difficult to follow. Maybe you should try to cut back on the events you put into your stories or add more detail and transitions in between. Just suggestions. Good story overall.
Okay well, it was creative. I liked it for it's uniqueness. You have good grammar and spelling for the most part, but there were a few spots with error. I think you might have switched from third person into first person a couple of times so be careful with that. Also, just another suggestion would be to try to make your story flow better. It felt like ten different things happened all at once and it was difficult to follow. Maybe you should try to cut back on the events you put into your stories or add more detail and transitions in between. Just suggestions. Good story overall.
11/26/2009 c1 
29Unmasked identity
AWESOME! this is really good! it is kinda blunt, and just a little confusing, but if you read it all the way through its GREAT! :)
29Unmasked identityAWESOME! this is really good! it is kinda blunt, and just a little confusing, but if you read it all the way through its GREAT! :)