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for Beta: An Odd Council

11/30/2009 c1 Hayley Tiefenthaler
I enjoyed that the overall story took elements of other stories I have read that I liked and combined them into one. (Ex. The growth following "The Mother" reminded me of "Princess Mononoke") I liked that "Death" was the most beautiful person there. I am compelled to read more, I want to know what happens next. This is a good introduction to a book.

The ending was kind of confusing with the time. I'm not sure if the dream was going to last a year, or if they were going to pretend a moon cycle is a year? Please clarify that more.

I am a slow reader because I go back and reread constantly while reading the story. It made it hard to follow the actual story line with so much description. The description could have been broken up into the story more. The introspection section was an example of this. Even though it was important to the story it was overwhelming to have that in the beginning.

Some grammar and spelling mistakes to fix, but overall a good story.
11/28/2009 c1 Jenna Pickett
Nathan,

I think you have a really good basis here. Problem is, I think it could be a novel. I got sucked in and then was a little upset when there was no more to read. Good descriptions and character development!

Only thing I think you could work on is changing topics/ focuses in a more smooth way because it is sometimes confusing who you are talking about especially at the beginning.
11/28/2009 c1 Zaki Razvi
This has the makings of a fantastic fantasy! You have begun with a classic scenario of a meeting of powerful beings, each with his/her quirks. You have deftly developed personalities in a small amount of space, which is no small feat. I particularly enjoyed the way you introduced The Trickster, although it gets a bit confusing with his sex changes, and then you try to compensate by calling him 'her' in the same sentence. You have also introduced the main conflict (have to generate 'Belief' to exist); the only thing I didn't like about their plan is that it has the ability to become overcomplicated with technicalities, like how long someone has been exposed to the Flow and other possible things that I can't think of right now. Also, the way you worded the plan is a bit awkward...I don't get the part about the Dream beginning and ending on every full moon. However, your word usage and vocabulary is impeccable, and the characters are(again) excellent. The premise is viable, and has the makings of an epic. I think that if you continued with this, it would make an excellent fantasy epic, an interesting mix of the Greek style of legend with the Norse myths.
11/28/2009 c1 Gloria Daniel
This was very interesting to read! At first I thought this would merely be a short story, and so I was thinking towards the beginning that the plot was moving VERY slowly (although engaging). I eventually saw though that this was just the beginning of a greater story: "The Chronicles of the Shadow Walker."

Very creative intro to the chroncles! I like the ancient and mysterious mood of the story, and how you involve humans in the world of the supernatural!
11/25/2009 c1 Caitlin
Hello!

You write very well, and the characters seem interesting enough. It doesn't seem like a short story though, it seems like a first chapter to a much bigger story. The story at times, especially the first paragraph or so, is very confusing as well. But it seems like it could develop into a great story, but it doesn't feel like a short story. Good luck! :)
11/25/2009 c1 Joshua Elander
Rating:

I would give this story a 8/10 as long as the rest of it is just as good as this part. This story, or rather beginning of the story, was very good! I especially like the intro you had(although I think you had an extra " before the first Warden). Coming from a history of reading many, many fantasy books I would say this intrigued me and I would read the rest of the book.

Suggestions/fixes:

A few things you could fix, hm... well maybe change the names to something more epic and less like a description. I assume you used them so that the reader could identify with the characters easier and understand their personality but still.

Some of them like Gaea are ok but trickster is pretty obvious.

Things for the future/ideas:

I always enjoy fantasy adventure stories that have groups of companions working together to over come the odds. It might be worth while to add this element into your story.
11/25/2009 c1 Keiara Haruno
Looks good, as always, but is this really all you are going to write? I get the feeling that it is not quite enough to get a person really into the story, compared to some of your other works that really engross the reader within them.

In my opinion, I feel that if you are going to try and get people to read your stories (under your real name) as your assignment states, then you should probably just send in the first chapter of CA since that is your best work so far.

I hope you understand what I mean.

Much love (your biggest fan eva! *wink wink*)

Jo

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