for Dreamer11/10/2011 c7 anonymous
Please upload the next chapter soon! I like this story and I want to know what happens next! Oh, and is Jason descended from both Keer and humans? And are his nightmares about stuff from Isaac's time with 'Them'?
Please upload the next chapter soon! I like this story and I want to know what happens next! Oh, and is Jason descended from both Keer and humans? And are his nightmares about stuff from Isaac's time with 'Them'?
3/20/2011 c6 
3Kyre Crow
Again, I really liked this chapter. (I don't have time to read chapter 7 tonight.) I like the way you're easing information about the characters to the readers throughout the chapters, rather than giving any sort of info-dump. I also like the blurbit from Isaac's point of view (I think) at the end, and I think that even though it's a flashback (again, I think), it's probably going to be important. The fact that Isaac (and Jason) felt the presence of 'Them' while at the bus stop has to be important, I'm guessing, and will affect the plot in the near future?
I noticed a few spelling issues, and a few places where a quotation mark was skipped, but other than that it was error-free.
I really like your style, the way you use very few descriptive words and leave the image of the story up to the reader's imagination. I feel like the story is highlighted more by the dialogue and actions than descriptive words.
3Kyre CrowAgain, I really liked this chapter. (I don't have time to read chapter 7 tonight.) I like the way you're easing information about the characters to the readers throughout the chapters, rather than giving any sort of info-dump. I also like the blurbit from Isaac's point of view (I think) at the end, and I think that even though it's a flashback (again, I think), it's probably going to be important. The fact that Isaac (and Jason) felt the presence of 'Them' while at the bus stop has to be important, I'm guessing, and will affect the plot in the near future?
I noticed a few spelling issues, and a few places where a quotation mark was skipped, but other than that it was error-free.
I really like your style, the way you use very few descriptive words and leave the image of the story up to the reader's imagination. I feel like the story is highlighted more by the dialogue and actions than descriptive words.
9/22/2010 c5 Kyre Crow
I liked this chapter. It definitely seemed to progress the plot more than the other ones. At the end, it didn't seem like too much of an information dump. It seemed like something someone would actually say, so it wouldn't have made sense for him only to have said some of it (I'm making no sense...). I look forward to the next chapter.
I liked this chapter. It definitely seemed to progress the plot more than the other ones. At the end, it didn't seem like too much of an information dump. It seemed like something someone would actually say, so it wouldn't have made sense for him only to have said some of it (I'm making no sense...). I look forward to the next chapter.
9/8/2010 c4 Kyre Crow
I liked this chapter. I'm glad you updated it (your stories were some of the very first I read when I got on this site). You've got me wondering about Jason's nightmares. I'm wondering if they're somehow related to Isaac? I like how you fit a flashback in, while talking about his nightmares, and tied it up (mentioning the nightmares) at the end. I'm a little confused about the very last line, I don't get how it's related (maybe that's just me). Anyway, another good chapter! I look forward to reading more of this story.
I liked this chapter. I'm glad you updated it (your stories were some of the very first I read when I got on this site). You've got me wondering about Jason's nightmares. I'm wondering if they're somehow related to Isaac? I like how you fit a flashback in, while talking about his nightmares, and tied it up (mentioning the nightmares) at the end. I'm a little confused about the very last line, I don't get how it's related (maybe that's just me). Anyway, another good chapter! I look forward to reading more of this story.
9/8/2010 c1 ILoveMyPersonalPerfectedEdward
Well done with the prologue.
Just a few grammar mistakes here and there (I apologize, but I'm quite sensitive to those ones.)
I shall move onto the first chapter now.
Well done with the prologue.
Just a few grammar mistakes here and there (I apologize, but I'm quite sensitive to those ones.)
I shall move onto the first chapter now.
6/12/2010 c3 3Kyre Crow
I'm sorry I didn't review this sooner. I started reading this a few months ago, when I was new to the site and didn't review much. I'm back 'cause I thought the next chapter would be out. I like this story and your other one, Puppeteer, and I really want to read what's next.
I like the suspense of the story. I'm thinking that with a setup (and beginning) like this, it could be written as a short story and we'd never know who "They" are. I like the characters-at least, Jason and Isaac. They both seem to have developed personalities. Marie seems just kind of air-headed, kind of like a typical girl character found in stories, not really in depth, so I'm wondering what you'll do with her. I'd probably either develop her more or make her leave the story. That's just me though.
Chapter 1 sets so much up, though, and I'm eager to read what comes next. Great beginning, keep it up!
3Kyre CrowI'm sorry I didn't review this sooner. I started reading this a few months ago, when I was new to the site and didn't review much. I'm back 'cause I thought the next chapter would be out. I like this story and your other one, Puppeteer, and I really want to read what's next.
I like the suspense of the story. I'm thinking that with a setup (and beginning) like this, it could be written as a short story and we'd never know who "They" are. I like the characters-at least, Jason and Isaac. They both seem to have developed personalities. Marie seems just kind of air-headed, kind of like a typical girl character found in stories, not really in depth, so I'm wondering what you'll do with her. I'd probably either develop her more or make her leave the story. That's just me though.
Chapter 1 sets so much up, though, and I'm eager to read what comes next. Great beginning, keep it up!
5/23/2010 c3 4suasoria
So I randomly happened upon your profile and ended up reading this and I must say, I'm REALLY interested. You've set up an insane mystery here and I hope you can keep rolling with it. I'm amazed this hasn't gotten any reviews whatsoever - you've done a good job so far and totally think you deserve some appreciation.
But just one little nit-picky thing that's probably keeping people away: in your summary you say the main character's name is Joshua, but in the story it's about Jason? Just change the summary to match and I think you're golden. :)
4suasoriaSo I randomly happened upon your profile and ended up reading this and I must say, I'm REALLY interested. You've set up an insane mystery here and I hope you can keep rolling with it. I'm amazed this hasn't gotten any reviews whatsoever - you've done a good job so far and totally think you deserve some appreciation.
But just one little nit-picky thing that's probably keeping people away: in your summary you say the main character's name is Joshua, but in the story it's about Jason? Just change the summary to match and I think you're golden. :)