for That Scares Me Half to Life1/27/2010 c1 
6ranDUMM
Hey,
Wow... the depth of this astounded me, because each sentence contained only one or two words. Despite this, I believe that you have conveyed the message quite well, and I applaud you for that :) I think that the best part of the whole poem was how you wrote 'Be' with a capital and on it's on line, with the previous sentence also being a one-worder and NOT in capitals. This gave it so much hidden meaning into it, and I, as the reader, believed that that was what the protagonist's deepest heart's desire was, and it was truly brilliant to read that. Well done! :)
ranDUMM
6ranDUMMHey,
Wow... the depth of this astounded me, because each sentence contained only one or two words. Despite this, I believe that you have conveyed the message quite well, and I applaud you for that :) I think that the best part of the whole poem was how you wrote 'Be' with a capital and on it's on line, with the previous sentence also being a one-worder and NOT in capitals. This gave it so much hidden meaning into it, and I, as the reader, believed that that was what the protagonist's deepest heart's desire was, and it was truly brilliant to read that. Well done! :)
ranDUMM
1/23/2010 c1 172DefineBeauty
hmm, interesting. i like the idea behind this, the fact that this being is so used to feeling numb and dead that it scares them to actually truly live! i know this isn't much of a why, but i don't really know why i like it. i just do. maybe because it's different in the fact that most of the angst poems you read about today are all saying the opposite of this, "i want to die" type of thing. i don't know, i just like it. it's different.
i do think that this could better from some punctuation though. without any commas (with the exception of the one in the 4th to last line) or periods or anything, it's kind of difficult to determine where to pause and where to keep going. it kinda makes the piece run together a little. otherwise, well written =]
p.s. i thought the "and that scares me half to life" was clever! =D
172DefineBeautyhmm, interesting. i like the idea behind this, the fact that this being is so used to feeling numb and dead that it scares them to actually truly live! i know this isn't much of a why, but i don't really know why i like it. i just do. maybe because it's different in the fact that most of the angst poems you read about today are all saying the opposite of this, "i want to die" type of thing. i don't know, i just like it. it's different.
i do think that this could better from some punctuation though. without any commas (with the exception of the one in the 4th to last line) or periods or anything, it's kind of difficult to determine where to pause and where to keep going. it kinda makes the piece run together a little. otherwise, well written =]
p.s. i thought the "and that scares me half to life" was clever! =D
12/24/2009 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Why is it that I feel this work is an exact description for a standard emo? :D Anyway, this work definitely conveys home the feeling of a person's helpless feelings in life. Sometimes, event in life can drive a persono into despair and suicide. This work of yours did well to portray the former, but if there's anything I can suggest in improving here, it will be the fact that you can actually include mentions of possible suicidal tendencies in this work. After all, despair and suicide do come hand to hand together. More like despair is always the cause of suicide. But of course I'm not saying that in doing so will compromise the possibility of the narrator's will to live if that's your intention within this poem's ending. Rather introducing such an element here will do wonders in creating a certain sense of paradox within the reader and that could only be a good thing if done properly. :)
P.S: I think you have known that a new chapter of The Eternal Grail is now up. Hopefully you can review it by Christmas because that will be a timely gift for me in this holiday season. :)
Add P.S: I've paid you back in full here. In short, you never owe me any reviews right from the start. Rather it's me receiving the IOU. ;)
- From The Roadhouse :)
13Tsumujikaze no SoujutsuWhy is it that I feel this work is an exact description for a standard emo? :D Anyway, this work definitely conveys home the feeling of a person's helpless feelings in life. Sometimes, event in life can drive a persono into despair and suicide. This work of yours did well to portray the former, but if there's anything I can suggest in improving here, it will be the fact that you can actually include mentions of possible suicidal tendencies in this work. After all, despair and suicide do come hand to hand together. More like despair is always the cause of suicide. But of course I'm not saying that in doing so will compromise the possibility of the narrator's will to live if that's your intention within this poem's ending. Rather introducing such an element here will do wonders in creating a certain sense of paradox within the reader and that could only be a good thing if done properly. :)
P.S: I think you have known that a new chapter of The Eternal Grail is now up. Hopefully you can review it by Christmas because that will be a timely gift for me in this holiday season. :)
Add P.S: I've paid you back in full here. In short, you never owe me any reviews right from the start. Rather it's me receiving the IOU. ;)
- From The Roadhouse :)
12/19/2009 c1 21Sercus Kaynine
I like the way you organized this piece. The choppy format conceptualized the idea nicely.
I also like how the whole idea was one phrase. It was an original way to write a poem.
Coming to you from the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link on profile)
21Sercus KaynineI like the way you organized this piece. The choppy format conceptualized the idea nicely.
I also like how the whole idea was one phrase. It was an original way to write a poem.
Coming to you from the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link on profile)
12/1/2009 c1 11HiddenFromYou
Interesting and thought provoking. Well done!
I found the short lines slightly offputting, but the overall points of the poem came across strongly.
One spelling mistake:
"I will surive" should be "I will survive".
11HiddenFromYouInteresting and thought provoking. Well done!
I found the short lines slightly offputting, but the overall points of the poem came across strongly.
One spelling mistake:
"I will surive" should be "I will survive".