for Shattered Dreams3/11 c1 K.Kiara93
I'm sorry someone stole your work. I remember reading this years ago and came looking for some nostalgia. If I can read it anywhere, I'd love to know ️
I'm sorry someone stole your work. I remember reading this years ago and came looking for some nostalgia. If I can read it anywhere, I'd love to know ️
2/18/2016 c1 
6Sara593
What? Someone stole your story and claimed it as their own, this sucks so much. I loved this story so much and loved it when i read it. Not sure if i review but it was amazing even with all the bad. Congrats on writing it! For a readers love, is there anyway that i could ever read this again? I really hope that you find who did this and get back your amazing story.
6Sara593What? Someone stole your story and claimed it as their own, this sucks so much. I loved this story so much and loved it when i read it. Not sure if i review but it was amazing even with all the bad. Congrats on writing it! For a readers love, is there anyway that i could ever read this again? I really hope that you find who did this and get back your amazing story.
7/9/2015 c37 14bookwormchicklove
This story right here is the kind every female needs to read sometime in their life. Because we need to learn to save ourselves, cause no man will do that for us. Or anyone for that matter. Its in your own hands to save yourself and i love how beautifully this was portrayed and written. I hope that this story gets published because i think thats what it deserves. You have talent, dont let it go to waste *smiles*
14bookwormchickloveThis story right here is the kind every female needs to read sometime in their life. Because we need to learn to save ourselves, cause no man will do that for us. Or anyone for that matter. Its in your own hands to save yourself and i love how beautifully this was portrayed and written. I hope that this story gets published because i think thats what it deserves. You have talent, dont let it go to waste *smiles*
5/23/2015 c37 1promesse00
Hi! I really enjoyed Shattered Dreams. The backstories were heartbreaking, and the characters developed decently, but I have like 2 things i'd like to point out.
The first, would be my personal opinion on Jared, so if it comes off as biased, that's because it is. I didn't like Jared. I honestly didn't like how he was a misplaced prince. I dunno, I just feel like you could've made him seem more real. Like Eloise has a really sad story, and she's the perfect cinderella, but I feel, you should've made Jared more realistic, like a modern day prince with his own set of issues.
The second is Mone. When you first introduced her character I loved her. I perceived her as a kinda rough around the edges, slightly ghetto Brooklyn girl, but I noticed that later on, you started making her sound jamaican. Unless she's supposed to be jamaican, she shouldn't say, 'I be' or 'who be', or honestly 'be' at all. So to keep it short, keep Mone consistent. If she's jamaican, I would've liked it if you specified, if she's rough from Brooklyn, then just have her speak normally, and if she's slightly ghetto, make sure you make it evident.
These are only my thoughts though. I don't mean to offend, but this is what I saw. You've actually given me inspiration for my story (it's actually the third i'm working on XD), and i'd like to thank you for that. This was a great story, and I can't wait to read some of your others!
1promesse00Hi! I really enjoyed Shattered Dreams. The backstories were heartbreaking, and the characters developed decently, but I have like 2 things i'd like to point out.
The first, would be my personal opinion on Jared, so if it comes off as biased, that's because it is. I didn't like Jared. I honestly didn't like how he was a misplaced prince. I dunno, I just feel like you could've made him seem more real. Like Eloise has a really sad story, and she's the perfect cinderella, but I feel, you should've made Jared more realistic, like a modern day prince with his own set of issues.
The second is Mone. When you first introduced her character I loved her. I perceived her as a kinda rough around the edges, slightly ghetto Brooklyn girl, but I noticed that later on, you started making her sound jamaican. Unless she's supposed to be jamaican, she shouldn't say, 'I be' or 'who be', or honestly 'be' at all. So to keep it short, keep Mone consistent. If she's jamaican, I would've liked it if you specified, if she's rough from Brooklyn, then just have her speak normally, and if she's slightly ghetto, make sure you make it evident.
These are only my thoughts though. I don't mean to offend, but this is what I saw. You've actually given me inspiration for my story (it's actually the third i'm working on XD), and i'd like to thank you for that. This was a great story, and I can't wait to read some of your others!
12/27/2014 c37 Anon
This was beautiful! She got her ''Happily Ever After''-finally. XD
This was beautiful! She got her ''Happily Ever After''-finally. XD
11/6/2014 c37 Nidchat
don't exactly know what to say... I was stupefied and had tears .. its wonderful really wonderful... such stories make me believe life certainly has ups and down but its courage that counts. I appreciate and completely loved your story :D
don't exactly know what to say... I was stupefied and had tears .. its wonderful really wonderful... such stories make me believe life certainly has ups and down but its courage that counts. I appreciate and completely loved your story :D
10/18/2014 c37 10Be My Valentine
Now that I've completed this, I'm in two minds about this story. First of all, many thanks for writing this story, it was one worth sharing. I championed Eloise, followed Eloise, and only wished the best for her, as she overcame obstacles to get the happy ending she got in chapter 37.
Jared Charm...I destested his surname in the beginning. I'm all for retelling of the classics, but "Charm" was just...in your face, loud and blaring, stating the bleeding obvious. But it grew on me. And I actually thought it fitted his character very well. He displayed an exemplary character portrait throughout, and normally "perfection" irritates the hell out of me, but what Eloise went through was so harrowing, I thought he was good for her. In short, he's the guy ALL girls deserve in life, if in turn, they respect and love their man.
I noticed you tried working in some shortcomings in his character...and for the most part, it worked. I didn't feel like he was "too good to be true." Like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I accepted him at face-value, and thanked the sincerety he oozed.
If you rework this, I'd say watch out for your transitions (from scene to scene.) The issue cropped up in the beginning, and again, close to the ending. At these parts, I felt you were rushing, which is closely linked to the passage of time. When you are skipping to another time and space, watch on making the transitions smoothly.
Also, although happy endings RULE, I'm not quite sure how I feel about things being tied up in a pretty pink bow, when the origins were so dark. It was almost very idealistic (which I appreciate!) and in a way, will give hope to people who are going through similar situations.
I'm not saying I wanted the ending to be sad (HELL NO!) but maybe a little something, to make the story less fairytale-ish.
But then...this was all based on Cinderalla wasn't it?
OF COURSE, it's meant to give a fairytale vibe!
Such a beautiful story though, wonderful characterizations, likeable cast, I can't sing the praises high enough. You've done extremely well, I think you are BORN to be a writer, and when you publish something, be sure to let us all know!
Best of luck in your writing career
x
10Be My ValentineNow that I've completed this, I'm in two minds about this story. First of all, many thanks for writing this story, it was one worth sharing. I championed Eloise, followed Eloise, and only wished the best for her, as she overcame obstacles to get the happy ending she got in chapter 37.
Jared Charm...I destested his surname in the beginning. I'm all for retelling of the classics, but "Charm" was just...in your face, loud and blaring, stating the bleeding obvious. But it grew on me. And I actually thought it fitted his character very well. He displayed an exemplary character portrait throughout, and normally "perfection" irritates the hell out of me, but what Eloise went through was so harrowing, I thought he was good for her. In short, he's the guy ALL girls deserve in life, if in turn, they respect and love their man.
I noticed you tried working in some shortcomings in his character...and for the most part, it worked. I didn't feel like he was "too good to be true." Like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I accepted him at face-value, and thanked the sincerety he oozed.
If you rework this, I'd say watch out for your transitions (from scene to scene.) The issue cropped up in the beginning, and again, close to the ending. At these parts, I felt you were rushing, which is closely linked to the passage of time. When you are skipping to another time and space, watch on making the transitions smoothly.
Also, although happy endings RULE, I'm not quite sure how I feel about things being tied up in a pretty pink bow, when the origins were so dark. It was almost very idealistic (which I appreciate!) and in a way, will give hope to people who are going through similar situations.
I'm not saying I wanted the ending to be sad (HELL NO!) but maybe a little something, to make the story less fairytale-ish.
But then...this was all based on Cinderalla wasn't it?
OF COURSE, it's meant to give a fairytale vibe!
Such a beautiful story though, wonderful characterizations, likeable cast, I can't sing the praises high enough. You've done extremely well, I think you are BORN to be a writer, and when you publish something, be sure to let us all know!
Best of luck in your writing career
x
10/18/2014 c36 Be My Valentine
Mrs Charm...did she use to be a streetwalker too? Is that what she's getting at?
Mrs Charm...did she use to be a streetwalker too? Is that what she's getting at?
10/17/2014 c32 Be My Valentine
So Jared's been behind the scenes, "fixing" things for her, giving her a leg up. My admiration for Eloise just grew dramatically in this chapter. Most ordinary people would use their connections shamelessly, and accept positions they don't have any qualifications for, except being friends/family. There's a good word to describe this situation...hang on...nepotism, that's it! Eloise found out, and she rejected his help right out, wanting to make it on her own. She's a good egg :) I wouldn't have blamed her, if she gave in easily, and took the easy ride, but she's so much more than that, displaying the very best of humanity.
What a girl!
Excited to read the final 5 chapters, wonder how this will all end up.
So Jared's been behind the scenes, "fixing" things for her, giving her a leg up. My admiration for Eloise just grew dramatically in this chapter. Most ordinary people would use their connections shamelessly, and accept positions they don't have any qualifications for, except being friends/family. There's a good word to describe this situation...hang on...nepotism, that's it! Eloise found out, and she rejected his help right out, wanting to make it on her own. She's a good egg :) I wouldn't have blamed her, if she gave in easily, and took the easy ride, but she's so much more than that, displaying the very best of humanity.
What a girl!
Excited to read the final 5 chapters, wonder how this will all end up.
10/17/2014 c28 Be My Valentine
Wow. Jared has been so insistent about her meeting his parents (i wonder why) and they turn out to be everything Eloise feared - and more. I would be pissed at Jared right now. He's clearly discussing sensitive matters with his family, who aren't trustworthy.
Wow. Jared has been so insistent about her meeting his parents (i wonder why) and they turn out to be everything Eloise feared - and more. I would be pissed at Jared right now. He's clearly discussing sensitive matters with his family, who aren't trustworthy.
10/15/2014 c24 Be My Valentine
I love Mone and Bee (Mone especially) as secondary characters. I'm not sure if I'd want to read a story with them as primary characters just yet, because I'm still invested with Eloise, and I'm more keen on following HER to the end.
But I must say. I find Mone very very fascinating.
She is one of a kind :)
I love Mone and Bee (Mone especially) as secondary characters. I'm not sure if I'd want to read a story with them as primary characters just yet, because I'm still invested with Eloise, and I'm more keen on following HER to the end.
But I must say. I find Mone very very fascinating.
She is one of a kind :)
10/15/2014 c21 Be My Valentine
Omg. RIP Hana.
She was doing so well...I didn't expect this at all.
And Bee! She was clearly the most upset over her room-mate. Before, she seemed the most rude over Hana, but I suspected it was just a front.
How sorry I am, all these characters had to face "one of their own" not making it.
Omg. RIP Hana.
She was doing so well...I didn't expect this at all.
And Bee! She was clearly the most upset over her room-mate. Before, she seemed the most rude over Hana, but I suspected it was just a front.
How sorry I am, all these characters had to face "one of their own" not making it.
10/15/2014 c20 Be My Valentine
That cliffhanger sounded ominous :/
(Sorry, it felt silly to review just to say that, but sometimes short reviews get the point across!)
*sticks tongue out*
That cliffhanger sounded ominous :/
(Sorry, it felt silly to review just to say that, but sometimes short reviews get the point across!)
*sticks tongue out*