for Shattered Dreams1/30/2012 c37 
4R. Ficst
Cheese is so delicious. Now I want some nachos. Or loads of macaroni and cheese. Cheese and crackers. Cheese and tomatoes. Cheese on its own.
Delicious ;)
4R. FicstCheese is so delicious. Now I want some nachos. Or loads of macaroni and cheese. Cheese and crackers. Cheese and tomatoes. Cheese on its own.
Delicious ;)
1/30/2012 c35 R. Ficst
I've made it through this whole story, loving it, and connecting with the characters, but I didn't choke up at anything.
Until the moment her dad comes bursting out with their song.
Tears, happy, sad, tears.
3
I've made it through this whole story, loving it, and connecting with the characters, but I didn't choke up at anything.
Until the moment her dad comes bursting out with their song.
Tears, happy, sad, tears.
3
1/30/2012 c1 R. Ficst
A great beginning. I'm hoping to love where this is going.
Great writing, too. I particularly liked the line "Perfect made-up face to hide the death in my eyes."
It jumped out at me
A great beginning. I'm hoping to love where this is going.
Great writing, too. I particularly liked the line "Perfect made-up face to hide the death in my eyes."
It jumped out at me
1/13/2012 c37 9PoorEnglishArtist
This story made me incredibly happy. It was lovely to read, because it was such dark subject matter and you gave it light.
Your characters were great, very realistic in their reactions to events etc. I would just suggest maybe if you ever looked at rewriting this, or editing it to get it published, have a little bit less of the sappy gush between Jared and her - it's very sweet to read, but they're so soft around one another that it struck me as not true to reality. To be fair, what story is actually true to reality?
As to the style of writing, I was thoroughly engaged the whole way through; there didn't seem to be any superfluous chapters (or even characters) and the plot moved forwards very well. I also love the quotes you put at the start of your chapters! They were so varied, from cartoons to great works to real life people, and they always fit really well. I also noticed that you stopped giving her fairytale starts to the chapters - which while it may have been an accident by you, to me showed how she was centring her life more on reality, and didn't need the fairytales as much anymore.
The only thing I'm really not sure about is the title...I don't know why but it didn't really catch my attention as it should have. Also it portrays quite a negative image of the outcome, when it's anything but. I think you could think up something...better. Sorry if that sounds harsh!
Anyway, great story. :)
9PoorEnglishArtistThis story made me incredibly happy. It was lovely to read, because it was such dark subject matter and you gave it light.
Your characters were great, very realistic in their reactions to events etc. I would just suggest maybe if you ever looked at rewriting this, or editing it to get it published, have a little bit less of the sappy gush between Jared and her - it's very sweet to read, but they're so soft around one another that it struck me as not true to reality. To be fair, what story is actually true to reality?
As to the style of writing, I was thoroughly engaged the whole way through; there didn't seem to be any superfluous chapters (or even characters) and the plot moved forwards very well. I also love the quotes you put at the start of your chapters! They were so varied, from cartoons to great works to real life people, and they always fit really well. I also noticed that you stopped giving her fairytale starts to the chapters - which while it may have been an accident by you, to me showed how she was centring her life more on reality, and didn't need the fairytales as much anymore.
The only thing I'm really not sure about is the title...I don't know why but it didn't really catch my attention as it should have. Also it portrays quite a negative image of the outcome, when it's anything but. I think you could think up something...better. Sorry if that sounds harsh!
Anyway, great story. :)
12/29/2011 c1 reindrops
What a good introduction and first chapter. It leaves you wanting to read more.
What a good introduction and first chapter. It leaves you wanting to read more.
12/21/2011 c37 5christinaxxyo
I loved how realistic this story was and I was hooked from the beginning. You did a tremendous job! :)
5christinaxxyoI loved how realistic this story was and I was hooked from the beginning. You did a tremendous job! :)
12/18/2011 c1 christinaxxyo
I am in love with your firsty chapter. The way you introduce Eloise and let us know all this personal information about her is really interesting and the twists are great! :)
I am in love with your firsty chapter. The way you introduce Eloise and let us know all this personal information about her is really interesting and the twists are great! :)
12/12/2011 c37 Smilez
Sigh.
That was wonderful...
I enjoyed how it was predictable, but not too predictable.
Also.
Hopefully I will get some sleep now, instead of reading late into the night...
who knows.
Thanks for sharing this story, it was awesome.
:D
Sigh.
That was wonderful...
I enjoyed how it was predictable, but not too predictable.
Also.
Hopefully I will get some sleep now, instead of reading late into the night...
who knows.
Thanks for sharing this story, it was awesome.
:D
12/12/2011 c37 1caitly
I really love this. I found a link for it on "A Drop of Romeo" and thought their review/synopsis of it sounded awesome. I like that you have Eloise being able to save herself. My favorite part is the one where Jared talks about how he has a thing for saving damsels in distress and his mom thinks he has a complex. I loved the quote you used about kids knowing dragons are real, and that stories teach them they can be defeated. Really I just love all of it.
1caitlyI really love this. I found a link for it on "A Drop of Romeo" and thought their review/synopsis of it sounded awesome. I like that you have Eloise being able to save herself. My favorite part is the one where Jared talks about how he has a thing for saving damsels in distress and his mom thinks he has a complex. I loved the quote you used about kids knowing dragons are real, and that stories teach them they can be defeated. Really I just love all of it.
12/9/2011 c37 2imaginaryimz
I absolutely love this story. Beautiful and well written.
Its simply amazing.
well done :)
2imaginaryimzI absolutely love this story. Beautiful and well written.
Its simply amazing.
well done :)
12/8/2011 c32 Smilez
FINALLY.
I was waiting for that to happen.
Thank you.
If it didn't, well, I would have been let down...
but now I'm not!
okay, seriously though,
SLEEP TIME.
I'll be back. (Say in Arnold Swarzenaggar voice (wow I spelled that wrong))
FINALLY.
I was waiting for that to happen.
Thank you.
If it didn't, well, I would have been let down...
but now I'm not!
okay, seriously though,
SLEEP TIME.
I'll be back. (Say in Arnold Swarzenaggar voice (wow I spelled that wrong))
12/8/2011 c31 Smilez
fuck you.
jesus.
sorry, pardon my foul language.
i mean it in the nicest way possible...?
but seriously man, c'mon!
WHAT WAS THAT?
NO MORE CLIFFHANGERS!
please.
fuck you.
jesus.
sorry, pardon my foul language.
i mean it in the nicest way possible...?
but seriously man, c'mon!
WHAT WAS THAT?
NO MORE CLIFFHANGERS!
please.
12/8/2011 c30 Smilez
Okay, so
I realised I was supposed to go to sleep three or four chapters ago, but
GO ELOISE!
I'm so happy that she has the strength...
Now this Jared settling for $100 000 business; well played
Troy would have never let it go and Jared not mentioning it is classic Jared.
now, i will actually go to sleep...
well that's the plan...
Okay, so
I realised I was supposed to go to sleep three or four chapters ago, but
GO ELOISE!
I'm so happy that she has the strength...
Now this Jared settling for $100 000 business; well played
Troy would have never let it go and Jared not mentioning it is classic Jared.
now, i will actually go to sleep...
well that's the plan...
12/8/2011 c29 Smilez
For fuck's sake.
no that's it.
I'm going to bed.
Cliff hanger or not.
Bed. Right.
Goodnight.
Seriously though, why can't people learn to trust their intuition?
it's not hard.
gosh.
:)
For fuck's sake.
no that's it.
I'm going to bed.
Cliff hanger or not.
Bed. Right.
Goodnight.
Seriously though, why can't people learn to trust their intuition?
it's not hard.
gosh.
:)
12/8/2011 c28 Smilez
so i still have yet to sleep, and now I'm getting hungry, but I've already brushed my teeth... so eating is out.
i hope you're happy.
your awesome story is depriving me of sleep. and food.
talk about a love hate relationship.
also, i hope you actually read these messages...
I don't expect a reply.
I just hope you read them :D
seriously though,
i am addicted to this story.
so i still have yet to sleep, and now I'm getting hungry, but I've already brushed my teeth... so eating is out.
i hope you're happy.
your awesome story is depriving me of sleep. and food.
talk about a love hate relationship.
also, i hope you actually read these messages...
I don't expect a reply.
I just hope you read them :D
seriously though,
i am addicted to this story.