for Shattered Dreams12/8/2011 c27 Smilez
no this is too much, i refuse to continue.
learn to stop writing so well!
im going to bed... maybe.
no this is too much, i refuse to continue.
learn to stop writing so well!
im going to bed... maybe.
12/8/2011 c26 Smilez
wtf?
really?
I NEED TO SLEEP...
this story is far too addicting.
wtf?
really?
I NEED TO SLEEP...
this story is far too addicting.
12/8/2011 c20 Smilez
cliff hanger, really?
gosh, i hate you sometimes.
my sleep is really going out the window... entirely your fault.
cliff hanger, really?
gosh, i hate you sometimes.
my sleep is really going out the window... entirely your fault.
12/6/2011 c16 Smilez
I like this:
" with other broken women who had also forgotten that they were of royal descent."
well done.
I like this:
" with other broken women who had also forgotten that they were of royal descent."
well done.
12/4/2011 c7 Smilez
NOOOOOO!
lol.
Also,
I like the intros to the chapters. Is nice.
NOOOOOO!
lol.
Also,
I like the intros to the chapters. Is nice.
12/3/2011 c2 smiles
i am already obsessed with this story, it is magnificent.
i am already obsessed with this story, it is magnificent.
11/2/2011 c12 janel bennik
OMG if u dont like the end of the chapter then change it to i dont know...maybe a real kiss on the lips huh its driving me crazy cant they just kiss already? oh well love it so far hope it has a happy ending? wat am i thinking of course it has a happy ending duh :)
OMG if u dont like the end of the chapter then change it to i dont know...maybe a real kiss on the lips huh its driving me crazy cant they just kiss already? oh well love it so far hope it has a happy ending? wat am i thinking of course it has a happy ending duh :)
10/26/2011 c37 
1AlmasahTheab
So, I really wish I can supply you with a better review, but I read this months ago on my mobile and loved it. It was beyond enchanting.
I loved, loved the way your character grew. Eloise journey was realistic. It also had a nice flow to it. It never got too boring, but it also never got overly dramatic. It was balanced, a joy to read.
I was very disturbed by the sexual abuse scenes, which was surprising because they werent graphic, but every time you talked about the way they use her, or every time she is used - the way you wrote it- it pulled on my heart.You portrayed their coldness and harshness perfectly. It was harder for me to read than any other abuse story. the lack of emotion portrayed during it with the contrast of you describing her emotions after... just wow.
I love how in one of your chapters, you mentioned that people thought Jared was perfect, when I found him much faulty from the very beginning. He is the perfect example of the person who is over protective, easily trusting, too nice... He's a guy where his heart clouds his mind and his judgement, which we saw in later chapters.
And your secondary characters are as interesting as your main, but they do not over shadow them. I was very surprised by Hana's death. The part where you say why she wore white to mourn really hit me. I love all of the girl's stories, they're different characterization, the multi layers they had. The obvious relation they all had together as abused woman. Also, the differences of their lives really added to the realism of this story. It shows that you actually put effort into your story.
Well, your probably thankful I read this a long time ago. I would've left a much longer, detailed review.
Your story was memorable though. One of the best I read.
I can't wait until its time to read Bee's story (and her lovely lad) It sounds very interesting
1AlmasahTheabSo, I really wish I can supply you with a better review, but I read this months ago on my mobile and loved it. It was beyond enchanting.
I loved, loved the way your character grew. Eloise journey was realistic. It also had a nice flow to it. It never got too boring, but it also never got overly dramatic. It was balanced, a joy to read.
I was very disturbed by the sexual abuse scenes, which was surprising because they werent graphic, but every time you talked about the way they use her, or every time she is used - the way you wrote it- it pulled on my heart.You portrayed their coldness and harshness perfectly. It was harder for me to read than any other abuse story. the lack of emotion portrayed during it with the contrast of you describing her emotions after... just wow.
I love how in one of your chapters, you mentioned that people thought Jared was perfect, when I found him much faulty from the very beginning. He is the perfect example of the person who is over protective, easily trusting, too nice... He's a guy where his heart clouds his mind and his judgement, which we saw in later chapters.
And your secondary characters are as interesting as your main, but they do not over shadow them. I was very surprised by Hana's death. The part where you say why she wore white to mourn really hit me. I love all of the girl's stories, they're different characterization, the multi layers they had. The obvious relation they all had together as abused woman. Also, the differences of their lives really added to the realism of this story. It shows that you actually put effort into your story.
Well, your probably thankful I read this a long time ago. I would've left a much longer, detailed review.
Your story was memorable though. One of the best I read.
I can't wait until its time to read Bee's story (and her lovely lad) It sounds very interesting
10/25/2011 c37 The Imagination Addict
ooh nice. i like how you end with a parallel between eloise+dad's song and jared+daughter's song.
this has been a FANTASTIC read. you've really managed to write her through her healing. amazingly well-written. there are a few tense errors here and there, where you slip into the present tense, but i think if you just clean this up a little, you have potential for getting it published. of course, i cant guarantee anything since im not a publisher, but it's something i would buy (paperback. cos i just dont like ebooks.) and isn't that the ultimate aim of publishers-to sell books to readers?
haha btw i just read your profile i like how you end "and else is NEVER good" xD you're seriously talented. keep writing!
ooh nice. i like how you end with a parallel between eloise+dad's song and jared+daughter's song.
this has been a FANTASTIC read. you've really managed to write her through her healing. amazingly well-written. there are a few tense errors here and there, where you slip into the present tense, but i think if you just clean this up a little, you have potential for getting it published. of course, i cant guarantee anything since im not a publisher, but it's something i would buy (paperback. cos i just dont like ebooks.) and isn't that the ultimate aim of publishers-to sell books to readers?
haha btw i just read your profile i like how you end "and else is NEVER good" xD you're seriously talented. keep writing!
10/25/2011 c27 The Imagination Addict
feedback! okay, i mentioned some time back that i love your fairytale-style startings. but as the story progresses, the language used for them is getting more inconsistent. there'll be the slightly archaic sentence structure to set the mood, and then you'll slip into a more modern tone. so that may be something for you to look into if you edit this. :)
feedback! okay, i mentioned some time back that i love your fairytale-style startings. but as the story progresses, the language used for them is getting more inconsistent. there'll be the slightly archaic sentence structure to set the mood, and then you'll slip into a more modern tone. so that may be something for you to look into if you edit this. :)
10/25/2011 c16 The Imagination Addict
ah i think this is my fave quote from the book thus far: "if i'd never met jared or found ella's hope, would i have become something worse?"
fantastic way to end the chapter.
ah i think this is my fave quote from the book thus far: "if i'd never met jared or found ella's hope, would i have become something worse?"
fantastic way to end the chapter.
10/25/2011 c4 The Imagination Addict
i really like how you start each chapter with a fairytale-style narration recapping the previous chapter :)
i really like how you start each chapter with a fairytale-style narration recapping the previous chapter :)
9/23/2011 c37 16Wynterra
Oh, well, done. I just read the entire story in 1 sitting. I started reading it late at night, and I kept telling myself to stop and finish it the next day, but, well, that proved to be impossible. The only issue I have with your story is how often you used the word "lowly": by the late-20s chapters I winced in horror at seeing the word. Otherwise, excellent and well done. On the parts you found not quite to your liking, I could not agree with your dissatisfaction in the slightest. I'm not sure how you could improve this work, except eliminating the word "lowly" quite a bit.
~Wynterra
P.S. As a follower since stumbling across your (at the time works-in-progress) books "A Bit Touched in the Mind" and "Bolt From the Blue," I believe your writing has improved over the time. And I thought it was rather decent to begin with. My personal opinion is that your books are worth being publsihed. ~W
16WynterraOh, well, done. I just read the entire story in 1 sitting. I started reading it late at night, and I kept telling myself to stop and finish it the next day, but, well, that proved to be impossible. The only issue I have with your story is how often you used the word "lowly": by the late-20s chapters I winced in horror at seeing the word. Otherwise, excellent and well done. On the parts you found not quite to your liking, I could not agree with your dissatisfaction in the slightest. I'm not sure how you could improve this work, except eliminating the word "lowly" quite a bit.
~Wynterra
P.S. As a follower since stumbling across your (at the time works-in-progress) books "A Bit Touched in the Mind" and "Bolt From the Blue," I believe your writing has improved over the time. And I thought it was rather decent to begin with. My personal opinion is that your books are worth being publsihed. ~W
9/13/2011 c37 bookworm6193
This is such an amazing and uplifiting story. You should really think about publishing it.
This is such an amazing and uplifiting story. You should really think about publishing it.