for Shattered Dreams9/9/2011 c37 Pumpkin.-.-.Kween
I liked the base of the story a lot but some parts of the story seemed a little far fetched to me. Like the step mother... obviously her father would have noticed that something wasnt great about her prior to marrying her. I mean, if you are the kind of person who would sit around and let a child be molested, you wouldnt have been able to hid that about yourself. Yes the step mother was molested when she was young, that doesnt mean she would have no problem letting someone rape a child. Youd have to be a sociopath to be okay with that.
Also, there was a wall for me between Jared and Eloise. I felt no chemistry or connection between them at all. It seemed more like a brother/sister type relationship to me.
Also the part where her father had amnesia? Too coincidental.
The part where she sells her story and becomes rich and famous off it? Life doesnt work out like that. Sure she could have had success with that story but it wouldnt have come about as quickly as it did in the story.
How she ends up being able to have kids? Come on now, theres too many coincidences SHASH far fetched occurances.
Basically, the story was seriously lacking in romance, but the prostition part and how it would affect you and make you feel worthless is spot on.
im not saying it was a bad story or anything... im just giving my opinion of how to make it a GREAT story. To me, a great story will remain in your head long after you read it... as it stands right now, I wont remember it in a week.
I liked the base of the story a lot but some parts of the story seemed a little far fetched to me. Like the step mother... obviously her father would have noticed that something wasnt great about her prior to marrying her. I mean, if you are the kind of person who would sit around and let a child be molested, you wouldnt have been able to hid that about yourself. Yes the step mother was molested when she was young, that doesnt mean she would have no problem letting someone rape a child. Youd have to be a sociopath to be okay with that.
Also, there was a wall for me between Jared and Eloise. I felt no chemistry or connection between them at all. It seemed more like a brother/sister type relationship to me.
Also the part where her father had amnesia? Too coincidental.
The part where she sells her story and becomes rich and famous off it? Life doesnt work out like that. Sure she could have had success with that story but it wouldnt have come about as quickly as it did in the story.
How she ends up being able to have kids? Come on now, theres too many coincidences SHASH far fetched occurances.
Basically, the story was seriously lacking in romance, but the prostition part and how it would affect you and make you feel worthless is spot on.
im not saying it was a bad story or anything... im just giving my opinion of how to make it a GREAT story. To me, a great story will remain in your head long after you read it... as it stands right now, I wont remember it in a week.
9/8/2011 c37 
1Cotton Ball
=o I loved it! I was on the verge of tears through out most of it! All your quotes were fantastic, and the whole story just made me want to go watch Disney movies (in fact I might go rent the princess and the frog). I love how you made her find herself rather than her depend on any one else =] great job!
-cb
1Cotton Ball=o I loved it! I was on the verge of tears through out most of it! All your quotes were fantastic, and the whole story just made me want to go watch Disney movies (in fact I might go rent the princess and the frog). I love how you made her find herself rather than her depend on any one else =] great job!
-cb
9/8/2011 c37 Cotton Ball
=o I loved it! I was on the verge of tears through out most of it! All your quotes were fantastic, and the whole story just made me want to go watch Disney movies (in fact I might go rent the princess and the frog). I love how you made her find herself rather than her depend on any one else =] great job!
-cb
=o I loved it! I was on the verge of tears through out most of it! All your quotes were fantastic, and the whole story just made me want to go watch Disney movies (in fact I might go rent the princess and the frog). I love how you made her find herself rather than her depend on any one else =] great job!
-cb
9/6/2011 c37 7WindLessNiteZ
Hey great story ! I like the whole way you potray both Jared and Eloise :) I was just wondering if what lynda had traditional surrogacy or gestational surrogacy?
7WindLessNiteZHey great story ! I like the whole way you potray both Jared and Eloise :) I was just wondering if what lynda had traditional surrogacy or gestational surrogacy?
9/5/2011 c37 Shelbator
super good cheese fest! can i just say i love this story SO FREAKING MUCH? god, it truly was amazing(: thanks for an awesome read!
super good cheese fest! can i just say i love this story SO FREAKING MUCH? god, it truly was amazing(: thanks for an awesome read!
9/4/2011 c1 Rosie
Hey there! I'm Rosie, a judge from the website A Drop of Romeo and I'm pleased to tell you your story has been inducted to ADoR's archive under the Miscellaneous category. Here's your review!
Rosie Thinks: With this story's Cinderella-esque theme and use of Disney quotes, it practically belongs on this site! (Because we all know how much we love Disney). But instead of being a fluffy fairy tale, it's more closely related to the old, original fairy tales with the main character, Eloise, being a prostitute from the age of 8. It's a story of a woman's journey of healing and learning to love. It's not so much about her leaving her life as a prostitute, which she was forced into, as it is about a woman struggling with a dark past to find that she does deserve to be loved. The author manages to capture Eloise's trials and insecurities perfectly, highlighting how much she changes from the beginning to the end. CassandraRose526 also manages to express her emotions perfectly - you feel Eloise's pain, nervousness and happiness like it's your own. I found it a nice change that at the beginning, for once, the main girl was the one throwing herself at the guy. Each chapter has a great structure, with a kind of summing up of each chapter written like Cinderella at the beginning, then a flashback to the past and her father, before finally going back to the 'present day'. I have never seen a story set out like this and I thought it gave amazing insight and depth into the story, and I absolutely adored the quotes from Disney, Lilo and Stitch, the Little Princess, Enchanted, and many more. I also loved how Eloise's love interest, Jared, doesn't play games or leave things unsaid. Instead, he's upfront from the beginning about how he feels towards Eloise. I was a bit hesitant to read it at first, due to the story's dark themes, but I found it truly heart-breaking and that you could lose yourself in it. The story speaks to you, in the trial scene especially, in which I was alternatively crying or biting my nails. From the amount of detail in the story and the raw emotion, you can tell CassandraRose526 really does know what she's talking about, and she even says in an author's note that this story was inspired by the human trafficking classes she's been taking. I can't think of anything negative about this story, other than maybe two word omissions, but that really is stretching it to find something bad! The interaction between the two main characters, Eloise and Jared, is beautiful and realistic, and their relationship also undergoes visible changes as Eloise learns to stand on her two feet.
Hey there! I'm Rosie, a judge from the website A Drop of Romeo and I'm pleased to tell you your story has been inducted to ADoR's archive under the Miscellaneous category. Here's your review!
Rosie Thinks: With this story's Cinderella-esque theme and use of Disney quotes, it practically belongs on this site! (Because we all know how much we love Disney). But instead of being a fluffy fairy tale, it's more closely related to the old, original fairy tales with the main character, Eloise, being a prostitute from the age of 8. It's a story of a woman's journey of healing and learning to love. It's not so much about her leaving her life as a prostitute, which she was forced into, as it is about a woman struggling with a dark past to find that she does deserve to be loved. The author manages to capture Eloise's trials and insecurities perfectly, highlighting how much she changes from the beginning to the end. CassandraRose526 also manages to express her emotions perfectly - you feel Eloise's pain, nervousness and happiness like it's your own. I found it a nice change that at the beginning, for once, the main girl was the one throwing herself at the guy. Each chapter has a great structure, with a kind of summing up of each chapter written like Cinderella at the beginning, then a flashback to the past and her father, before finally going back to the 'present day'. I have never seen a story set out like this and I thought it gave amazing insight and depth into the story, and I absolutely adored the quotes from Disney, Lilo and Stitch, the Little Princess, Enchanted, and many more. I also loved how Eloise's love interest, Jared, doesn't play games or leave things unsaid. Instead, he's upfront from the beginning about how he feels towards Eloise. I was a bit hesitant to read it at first, due to the story's dark themes, but I found it truly heart-breaking and that you could lose yourself in it. The story speaks to you, in the trial scene especially, in which I was alternatively crying or biting my nails. From the amount of detail in the story and the raw emotion, you can tell CassandraRose526 really does know what she's talking about, and she even says in an author's note that this story was inspired by the human trafficking classes she's been taking. I can't think of anything negative about this story, other than maybe two word omissions, but that really is stretching it to find something bad! The interaction between the two main characters, Eloise and Jared, is beautiful and realistic, and their relationship also undergoes visible changes as Eloise learns to stand on her two feet.
8/28/2011 c37 Kiveda
Beautiful play on trauma and fairytales :)
Beautiful play on trauma and fairytales :)
8/27/2011 c37 6musicalfishieXD
I loved this story. I really do. This was the most realistic story I've ever even seen on here, (minus the prince charming part, and the amnesia was stretching it, but it fit).
6musicalfishieXDI loved this story. I really do. This was the most realistic story I've ever even seen on here, (minus the prince charming part, and the amnesia was stretching it, but it fit).
8/26/2011 c37 2iamisabeljane
This story has been amazing. The characters were all so believable, and the story itself just speaks to you. You are a very talented authour. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to read this story. It is truly remarkable. :)
I hope to read more of your writing in the future. :D
Love and butterfly kisses,
Isabel
2iamisabeljaneThis story has been amazing. The characters were all so believable, and the story itself just speaks to you. You are a very talented authour. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to read this story. It is truly remarkable. :)
I hope to read more of your writing in the future. :D
Love and butterfly kisses,
Isabel
8/26/2011 c37 Nocturnal-Silver-Wolf
Awww... It was so sad, I mean when she met her Father again, and found out that he couldn't remember anything. The ending was really cliche, nevertheless, I liked it. It was a very fairy tale ending, Jared as a prince and all.
BTW How do you write so well? As in how do you write so much, and so that it 'flows'?
AWESOME STORY! :D
Awww... It was so sad, I mean when she met her Father again, and found out that he couldn't remember anything. The ending was really cliche, nevertheless, I liked it. It was a very fairy tale ending, Jared as a prince and all.
BTW How do you write so well? As in how do you write so much, and so that it 'flows'?
AWESOME STORY! :D
8/23/2011 c12 Foodgeek too lazy to sign in
I LOVE YOUR STORY. Its awesome. You should get it published!
I LOVE YOUR STORY. Its awesome. You should get it published!