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11/5/2012 c1 75thewhimsicalbard
Molly, I really enjoyed this piece! I love the alliteration. It's probably my favorite poetic device, and I adore the way you use it here to create rhythm. It makes your poem creep, and gives it an abrasive edge that reflects the tone you use. Your verb use and your images are also very strong ("padded realities" stood out to me, as did "rages without a face").

As well as you use alliteration and other conventions of language in this poem, it comes across as quite repetitive. You only use one form of punctuation (a period), and you do so at the end of every line, regardless of whether or not a period should go there grammatically. It stagnates the otherwise impeccable rhythm you've created with your line breaks (as they stand) and the alliteration. I'd highly suggest drafting this poem with attention to punctuation.

One suggestion I have for you (and believe me, I've been doing this myself lately) is to read more poetry. Read what the greats do, and you'll have a much better idea of what you're doing. The best poets typically use complete sentences in all of their poems, and they only deviate from that if they intend it to mean something quite specific.

PS: you should definitely enable private messaging. I couldn't reply to your review or ask you which piece you wanted a review on, so this was just my best guess. I also have some questions about your review I'd like to address; it was very insightful, and I'd like to ask you a few more questions.

-twb
12/5/2009 c1 29Vince Loring
I like it. Nice meatahpores, nice repetition. good job. i like it.
12/3/2009 c1 81Princess-anna57
I like this a lot. Very thought provoking. Please keep writing!

~Anna~ ^_^

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