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for Kroger Kurgans, Bear Slayer

12/23/2009 c1 ram
not bad ol chap not bad
12/6/2009 c1 13Ulquiorra9000
Pretty vivid battle, especially the part where Kroger had to throw it off of himself in order to not suffocate. He clearly has respect for nature and his adversaries, since he wished for the bear to have the favor of the gods and find good hunting in the next life - that makes Kroger much more real as a person, having this kind of relationship with the wilds of nature.

Make sure to check your apostrophes - possessive pronouns do not have them, only possessive proper nouns.
12/5/2009 c1 48Michael Panush
This was a pretty good idea, and there's nothing cooler than a tough caveman fighting big bears, but there were still quite a few problems that hampered it. The foremost is probably the grammar and the quality of the writing. There were a lot of errors with missing comas, 'its' and 'it's' mistakes, and run on sentences, as well as some confusion between tenses. The writing itself could have used some work, with a lot of awkward sentences that were just confusing to read, and some metaphors that were a little lacking. A lot of things get too much description too fast - like Kroger's clothes and appearance - while other things, like the arrival of the bear, happening suddenly in the end of a sentence with absolutely no description. The battle with the bear was pretty cool, but it could have used more description, gone on a bit longer, and presented more danger for Kroger. Also, this is very similar to Conan the Barbarian, from the monster-fighting to the 'noble savage' stuff, to the way Kroger feels kinship with the bear he slew. What will you do to make it different from Conan, or my Culpug series, or all the other barbarian heroes?

I'd reccomend reading Eye of Argon, which shows exactly how it is not to be done. With loads of errors, a rip-off plot, and a laughable 'barbarians are awesome' message, it shows everything that can be done wrong with that kind of story. Robert E. Howard, of course, shows how it can be done right. I'd reccomend reading a lot of Howard, and really pay attention to his descriptions, of the scenery, characters and action.

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