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3/7/2014 c1 2KetchupRomeo
This is good, but I wonder how it would read more in the form of poetry? The sentences are kinda long, I feel like it'd be clearer that way.

Great imagery!
1/11/2010 c1 2emmasofie
this was really cool, and i decided to check out what you had written and review (: hrmm. im not sure what i percieved with that other sentence, but it was pretty intense... i know this sounds kind of violent and all, but it sounded almost as if she was either trying to kill someone (what did i say about violent?) or that she's trying to keep the one she loves from running away, slipping through her fingers. or something like that... (: either way, it was very interesting to read, and it leaves a lot to think about and imagine! im probably going to be thinking about this for a very long time...! (which is a good thing...) thanks again for reviewing my story!

12/29/2009 c1 24fairies and snapple
I thought this was really beautiful, actually. It's short, and every word seemed to have a purpose, not just sit there empty and taking up space. I think the first three or four sentences were my favorite, because they felt as desperate as the girl sounds, and after I read "clocks ticking," I just sort of heard a clock ticking, slowly, loudly, hollowly as all the other images flashed by.

I thought "She grips at the root of it all whilst the trees’ shadows caress her tremulous body" was about her panic. I imagined that she was terribly hurt, not physically, exactly, but more that someone betrayed her trust in an irreparable way, and she's terrified. Because she's always been too trusting, and she doesn't know any other way to be, and she realizes that she can't trust her own judgement, and if she can't trust herself, how is she supposed to survive? So she's running, because she's panicked and high on adrenaline, and she's holding on to one thought (the root of it all)- that she has to get away. But she's in that place where she's completely unaware yet all her senses are heightened, and she feels the trees branches on her like hands, grabbing and trying to hold on, and she's so scared.

What I meant to say (if I forgot somewhere) is that it's really good.
12/18/2009 c1 3Chocolate is Yummy
This gives off a great defintion of the word "pain". Pain comes to people in different forms, but it comes to all. I love ur last line most of all. Nice job. ^.^
12/15/2009 c1 1S.L. Gunn
Hello :) ... Your tone in this piece is very good. But I do think you could go farther with the descriptions. Even some common words...just try spicing them up a bit. The example that comes to mind would be "turned" in the first line. For some reason, I liked the sound of "morphed" or "faded" better.

But I did like the metaphor and personification of the tears.

You could possibly consider putting this in the Poetry archives, rather than the Fiction. Because it is indeed a poem.

Actually, I write a lot of poetry as well. I have two different accounys on here. "young and the reckless" is where I post my poetry, if you every feel like checking it out.

Ah wrapping this up...nice job and keep writing! :)
12/15/2009 c1 Abysseus
I thought it was great. Very good detail. I thought of many interesting things. I thought of a girl running for her life as if time was running out and she was being chased. Very well thought out and put into perspective.

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