for Wheelgirl6/24/2013 c1 Argentorum
So I've been looking for some good fanfiction, browsing through all of my old favorite stories, and then I saw your name and I thought 'this person's a really good author's let's see if they have anything knew', and voila, here I am.
I gotta admit that I love your original characters (are you channeling Revy for Lucy's character? Cause the two share several similarities). Tommy's just funny, I hope too see more of his odd brand of humor as the story goes on.
I also like that Lucy is an albino (unless her being really pale and having no pigment in her eyes is a sign of some other really obscure condition) it makes her a bit more of a sympathetic character. It makes it look like there's a lot more to her than just some racer who decided being a gettaway driver was a good way to earn some cash.
The only downside to this first chapter is the lack of a definitive 'hook'. Sure the fact that your main character works for a smuggling (sort of) outfit is intriguing, but I knew that much from the description, there wasn't much more on top of that to make me want to read chapter two. And then there's the foreshadowing of this delivery job. It looks simple, it looks easy, the pay is nothing spectacular, and it comes at the end of the chapter. Ninety percent chance that the job goes horribly wrong in one way or another. If I'm wrong, well that's just me misreading cues, but that's what it looks like.
This first chapter is a bit of a mixed bag. I love the idea and I love the characters, but there was nothing to really pull me into the story. But, on the other hand, there's enough to go on to chapter two and see what you have in store. I guess I'll just have to find out.
So I've been looking for some good fanfiction, browsing through all of my old favorite stories, and then I saw your name and I thought 'this person's a really good author's let's see if they have anything knew', and voila, here I am.
I gotta admit that I love your original characters (are you channeling Revy for Lucy's character? Cause the two share several similarities). Tommy's just funny, I hope too see more of his odd brand of humor as the story goes on.
I also like that Lucy is an albino (unless her being really pale and having no pigment in her eyes is a sign of some other really obscure condition) it makes her a bit more of a sympathetic character. It makes it look like there's a lot more to her than just some racer who decided being a gettaway driver was a good way to earn some cash.
The only downside to this first chapter is the lack of a definitive 'hook'. Sure the fact that your main character works for a smuggling (sort of) outfit is intriguing, but I knew that much from the description, there wasn't much more on top of that to make me want to read chapter two. And then there's the foreshadowing of this delivery job. It looks simple, it looks easy, the pay is nothing spectacular, and it comes at the end of the chapter. Ninety percent chance that the job goes horribly wrong in one way or another. If I'm wrong, well that's just me misreading cues, but that's what it looks like.
This first chapter is a bit of a mixed bag. I love the idea and I love the characters, but there was nothing to really pull me into the story. But, on the other hand, there's enough to go on to chapter two and see what you have in store. I guess I'll just have to find out.
5/14/2013 c5 
10DappledKarma
So intense... I love it! Lucy is a one-of-a-kind gal, and these chase scenes are movie-like in a way - the whole thing is like a blockbuster film. The only way I can describe Wheelgirl is it's heroin in the form a story. XD Onto the next one.
P.S. Dat ending! Haha.
10DappledKarmaSo intense... I love it! Lucy is a one-of-a-kind gal, and these chase scenes are movie-like in a way - the whole thing is like a blockbuster film. The only way I can describe Wheelgirl is it's heroin in the form a story. XD Onto the next one.
P.S. Dat ending! Haha.
3/27/2013 c6 43Lanterns
Not being a drift or race driver, I couldn't tell you for sure about whether the driving was over the top or not. Still the way you explained it, the physics seemed plausible (not a rocket scientist either) and I was caught up enough in the excitement of the writing to buy into whatever reality you may (or may not) have been bending. I enjoyed it. Good work.
43LanternsNot being a drift or race driver, I couldn't tell you for sure about whether the driving was over the top or not. Still the way you explained it, the physics seemed plausible (not a rocket scientist either) and I was caught up enough in the excitement of the writing to buy into whatever reality you may (or may not) have been bending. I enjoyed it. Good work.
10/1/2012 c12 avidmoonstar
Why isn't this finished? It's so good! Even though I'm not a car person, it was such an integral part of the story that it didn't matter. I hope Lucy learns that going blind won't be the end of her life and I hope this might be the catalyst to push Neil and Lucy together. Please finish!
Why isn't this finished? It's so good! Even though I'm not a car person, it was such an integral part of the story that it didn't matter. I hope Lucy learns that going blind won't be the end of her life and I hope this might be the catalyst to push Neil and Lucy together. Please finish!
3/7/2012 c1 SeinenReader
I'm finally coming back to review this chapter. After re-reading I noticed a couple things are rather closely similar to other Movies, shows, and etc. Although it's not completely original, I like the Transporter styled negotiation, mostly because it takes the original style's, sit still until the cops arrive, intimidation and creates a more drastic 'bluff'. I also like how your use of an okay female protagonist, because most of the storied I've read or gotten into that have a female lead(other than sand and tears) involved a weaker character who is barely memorable.
I'm finally coming back to review this chapter. After re-reading I noticed a couple things are rather closely similar to other Movies, shows, and etc. Although it's not completely original, I like the Transporter styled negotiation, mostly because it takes the original style's, sit still until the cops arrive, intimidation and creates a more drastic 'bluff'. I also like how your use of an okay female protagonist, because most of the storied I've read or gotten into that have a female lead(other than sand and tears) involved a weaker character who is barely memorable.
3/5/2012 c12 SeinenReader
Wow, I'm actually astonished that you really believe, " It's really intimidating to think that anything I've dreamt up might ever compare with what everyone has come up with." I've read only two of your original stories and if I had to say one thing about them it would be this: Your creative writing teacher must have been an incompetent person to not have seen the talent you have. You really have talent for writing dramatic action stories that keep you on the edge of your seat wondering how it shall end. My only words of advice are that you try writing in screenplay format, because this story looks like it would do well in that format; not that I'm saying to change it to that ever. I'm just giving you ways to broaden your abilities. Also as some encouragement guess who also has been rumored to have bombed at English class: William Shakespeare, and also (if it has bothered you), don't get to caught up by the low amount of reviews; just because there aren't that many it doesn't mean the stories weren't good or that you should give up on them.. Unlike Fanfiction, people won't be able to notice your story unless by word of mouth or by chance if their looking for the same genre. Well I hope you continue this story and also as an extra shot of encouragement if you multiply the reviews you have by 12 you'll get the number you truly have.^_^
Wow, I'm actually astonished that you really believe, " It's really intimidating to think that anything I've dreamt up might ever compare with what everyone has come up with." I've read only two of your original stories and if I had to say one thing about them it would be this: Your creative writing teacher must have been an incompetent person to not have seen the talent you have. You really have talent for writing dramatic action stories that keep you on the edge of your seat wondering how it shall end. My only words of advice are that you try writing in screenplay format, because this story looks like it would do well in that format; not that I'm saying to change it to that ever. I'm just giving you ways to broaden your abilities. Also as some encouragement guess who also has been rumored to have bombed at English class: William Shakespeare, and also (if it has bothered you), don't get to caught up by the low amount of reviews; just because there aren't that many it doesn't mean the stories weren't good or that you should give up on them.. Unlike Fanfiction, people won't be able to notice your story unless by word of mouth or by chance if their looking for the same genre. Well I hope you continue this story and also as an extra shot of encouragement if you multiply the reviews you have by 12 you'll get the number you truly have.^_^
7/20/2011 c12 3MarshalZhukov
Ah, James, my lad. This is why I followed you over from Fan Fiction.
I want to see more, the People demand more!
3MarshalZhukovAh, James, my lad. This is why I followed you over from Fan Fiction.
I want to see more, the People demand more!
2/1/2011 c12 1Bisepadi
i'm back. And may I just say that u, my dear sir, are THE God of
AWWEESOME!
Hmm...need to give you an
appropriately epic name to go
with your epic new title...
Like Something Something of the
Black Sands. Meh. I'll probably
have something by your nxt
chapter ;-D P.S. Thought it
would do ur muse some good to
know I introduced some of my
cyber-chums to your stories and now
you have a small but faithful
following in KENYA! 3 cheers 4
third world countries! Yay you!
(argh! What's that massive thing
over yonder horizon! Could it
be? Surely not... No writer's ego
could possibly grow that
big...could it? :-) )
1Bisepadii'm back. And may I just say that u, my dear sir, are THE God of
AWWEESOME!
Hmm...need to give you an
appropriately epic name to go
with your epic new title...
Like Something Something of the
Black Sands. Meh. I'll probably
have something by your nxt
chapter ;-D P.S. Thought it
would do ur muse some good to
know I introduced some of my
cyber-chums to your stories and now
you have a small but faithful
following in KENYA! 3 cheers 4
third world countries! Yay you!
(argh! What's that massive thing
over yonder horizon! Could it
be? Surely not... No writer's ego
could possibly grow that
big...could it? :-) )
1/13/2011 c8 Bisepadi
...And that, my friends, is what triple-distilled awesomeness reads like. Dont know what in the blazes you're worried about. If I could write half as well as u, i'd probably shoot my boss. Thrice. Then move on to a life of caviar and blondes. Ur writing style though-it reminds me of someone else one this site. If u have the time, check out his fic. Its called GHOST GIRL. The author goes by MEATLIPS and is currently my SI unit of all things awesome. U two would definately hit it off ;-D And if it helps, I've spent the last 4 hours blazing through ur fics, both here and on . U have nothing 2 be ashamed of. Looking forward 2 more updates. N if a rabid fan could make a request... U r currently the only author who seems to actually get the Black Lagoon world. So could u do a Roberta fic for moi? Anything will do really. Greetings from South Africa. I'll be sure to recommend ur fics to my friends. Now, to actually use this bed 4 its intended purpose...
...And that, my friends, is what triple-distilled awesomeness reads like. Dont know what in the blazes you're worried about. If I could write half as well as u, i'd probably shoot my boss. Thrice. Then move on to a life of caviar and blondes. Ur writing style though-it reminds me of someone else one this site. If u have the time, check out his fic. Its called GHOST GIRL. The author goes by MEATLIPS and is currently my SI unit of all things awesome. U two would definately hit it off ;-D And if it helps, I've spent the last 4 hours blazing through ur fics, both here and on . U have nothing 2 be ashamed of. Looking forward 2 more updates. N if a rabid fan could make a request... U r currently the only author who seems to actually get the Black Lagoon world. So could u do a Roberta fic for moi? Anything will do really. Greetings from South Africa. I'll be sure to recommend ur fics to my friends. Now, to actually use this bed 4 its intended purpose...
1/6/2011 c11 Ray
Umm, well fuck.
Sorry, but that was all that came to me with that last line :P
Will you ever get sick of me saying that you've outdone yourself?
No?
Good, coz im gonna say it again :P This is f**king brilliant.
A beautiful new arc, one which had me by the curlies and wouldn't let go until about 15 seconds after i actually realized that, hey, there's no more to read :P
I appreciated how you pointed out the perfectionist in lucy with the 'first time missing an apex' line. Yet you keep her down to earth enough that she doesn't suffer from the 'too god-like' main character syndrome that is the bane of novice writing everywhere... athough, you are HARDLY a novice my friend ;)
sheet, this is better than most legit books i read.
Also, the 22b is a sexy beast and a very high favorite of mine :D If there wasn't such an appaling stereo type with subies over here and that i could drive turbo on my p's, i would own a wrx in a heartbeat :)
Im also VERY INTERESTED in what she plans on getting from the 'decommissioned race cars' guy... rwd and HER SKILL? *drool*
Sorry, im still trying to get over this arc, so that's all i can think up with my currently limited brain function :P
/watch?v=sZrgxHvNNUc&feature=related
:D
Umm, well fuck.
Sorry, but that was all that came to me with that last line :P
Will you ever get sick of me saying that you've outdone yourself?
No?
Good, coz im gonna say it again :P This is f**king brilliant.
A beautiful new arc, one which had me by the curlies and wouldn't let go until about 15 seconds after i actually realized that, hey, there's no more to read :P
I appreciated how you pointed out the perfectionist in lucy with the 'first time missing an apex' line. Yet you keep her down to earth enough that she doesn't suffer from the 'too god-like' main character syndrome that is the bane of novice writing everywhere... athough, you are HARDLY a novice my friend ;)
sheet, this is better than most legit books i read.
Also, the 22b is a sexy beast and a very high favorite of mine :D If there wasn't such an appaling stereo type with subies over here and that i could drive turbo on my p's, i would own a wrx in a heartbeat :)
Im also VERY INTERESTED in what she plans on getting from the 'decommissioned race cars' guy... rwd and HER SKILL? *drool*
Sorry, im still trying to get over this arc, so that's all i can think up with my currently limited brain function :P
/watch?v=sZrgxHvNNUc&feature=related
:D
1/4/2011 c11 Mary Cate
Excellent as always! You ended with a big surprise and a bit of a cliffhanger, but you built up to it perfectly. Tommy was hilarious as always, and it was great to see Lucy let loose! Poor Neil, can't even ask his dream girl on a date, but I'm enjoying the tension there as well. Keep it up :]
Excellent as always! You ended with a big surprise and a bit of a cliffhanger, but you built up to it perfectly. Tommy was hilarious as always, and it was great to see Lucy let loose! Poor Neil, can't even ask his dream girl on a date, but I'm enjoying the tension there as well. Keep it up :]
11/27/2010 c8 Mary Cate
Hey, sorry it took me so long to review! I just started my first year of college and I've been pretty busy. Excuses, excuses... where was I?
Great story arc! Very witty, well written as always! I know absolutely nothing about cars, but I think I basically understood all the mechanical stuff because of the way you explained it, which is always a sign of good writing! I also liked the bit at the end with Lucy; it's always nice to see the characters' true emotions.
So, um... that's about it! Keep up the excellence :]
Hey, sorry it took me so long to review! I just started my first year of college and I've been pretty busy. Excuses, excuses... where was I?
Great story arc! Very witty, well written as always! I know absolutely nothing about cars, but I think I basically understood all the mechanical stuff because of the way you explained it, which is always a sign of good writing! I also liked the bit at the end with Lucy; it's always nice to see the characters' true emotions.
So, um... that's about it! Keep up the excellence :]