for Assassino Nascoto 'Hidden Assassin'11/26/2011 c18 Guardian of Stories
OMG THIS WAS AMAZING! I've never almost cried in any sad things before but I almost cried at the end! Great story! :D
OMG THIS WAS AMAZING! I've never almost cried in any sad things before but I almost cried at the end! Great story! :D
1/16/2011 c1 
1Jace Wayland
I love this story, it is going to take me time to read it all though -.- (L)
1Jace WaylandI love this story, it is going to take me time to read it all though -.- (L)
11/16/2010 c18 Mirji
I loved everything, from begining to end. Don't change anything. I don't know why this doesn't have more reviews, it deserves it. i especially liked the ending on how it was a happy yet a completly depressing ending. Good job and make that sequel, I'll be waiting for it.
Mirji
I loved everything, from begining to end. Don't change anything. I don't know why this doesn't have more reviews, it deserves it. i especially liked the ending on how it was a happy yet a completly depressing ending. Good job and make that sequel, I'll be waiting for it.
Mirji
4/9/2010 c12 Accipiter
The timing of the story is really odd, but this is mainly a reality check. You have 24 hours after a kidnapping before the trail starts going cold. You wouldn't sleep, AT ALL.
The timing of the story is really odd, but this is mainly a reality check. You have 24 hours after a kidnapping before the trail starts going cold. You wouldn't sleep, AT ALL.
3/29/2010 c1 Freelance7
Hey Monster, loved the story, can't wait for the sequel, don't forget to put the people from my story in it, and hope you make more stories, because I love all of them.
Freelance out
Hey Monster, loved the story, can't wait for the sequel, don't forget to put the people from my story in it, and hope you make more stories, because I love all of them.
Freelance out
3/24/2010 c1 AKA Quin
Heya,
I really like this piece of fiction so far. However, your title doesn't make much sense.
Speaking as someone whose first language is Italian, I would suggest that you change the title slightly.
"Assassino Nascosto" means "assassin(male) covered" and doesn't make much sense. If you changed it to "Assassina Occulta" (which does mean "hidden assassin(female)") or "Assassina Secreta" (which means "secret assassin(female)"), it would both sound a lot better and be correct!
[In Italian, and French, Spanish, Portuguese and all Latin languages, words have genders. Yes it's freaky ;) Anyway, in Italian, words that end with O or I tend to be masculine, while words that end in A and E tend to be feminine. Your title is basically saying that your assassin is male, while, according to the story so far, your assassin is female.]
Anyway, after this short lesson in Italian grammar (xD)I would like to say that your story is very good, and I look forward to reading some more!
AKA Quin
(If you want to reply, I have an account at fanfiction . net under the same username.)
Heya,
I really like this piece of fiction so far. However, your title doesn't make much sense.
Speaking as someone whose first language is Italian, I would suggest that you change the title slightly.
"Assassino Nascosto" means "assassin(male) covered" and doesn't make much sense. If you changed it to "Assassina Occulta" (which does mean "hidden assassin(female)") or "Assassina Secreta" (which means "secret assassin(female)"), it would both sound a lot better and be correct!
[In Italian, and French, Spanish, Portuguese and all Latin languages, words have genders. Yes it's freaky ;) Anyway, in Italian, words that end with O or I tend to be masculine, while words that end in A and E tend to be feminine. Your title is basically saying that your assassin is male, while, according to the story so far, your assassin is female.]
Anyway, after this short lesson in Italian grammar (xD)I would like to say that your story is very good, and I look forward to reading some more!
AKA Quin
(If you want to reply, I have an account at fanfiction . net under the same username.)
3/21/2010 c1 1torrid-sneaker
Hey, I really liked the story- or at least the first chapter. It was interesting and I'm definitely gonna read more. :)
1torrid-sneakerHey, I really liked the story- or at least the first chapter. It was interesting and I'm definitely gonna read more. :)
12/22/2009 c7 7MarkC-UK
Two more strong chapters - the change of the point of view was a nice shift in emphasis.
The only point I would make is maybe you could have expanded on the emotional impact of finding out that the central character was pregnant and that she'd lost the baby at the same time - I would imagine it would be a double blow in that respect - she'd be running through the gamut of emotions a discovery like that would hit her with.
However, that's just a minor quibble - another strong addition to the storyline.
7MarkC-UKTwo more strong chapters - the change of the point of view was a nice shift in emphasis.
The only point I would make is maybe you could have expanded on the emotional impact of finding out that the central character was pregnant and that she'd lost the baby at the same time - I would imagine it would be a double blow in that respect - she'd be running through the gamut of emotions a discovery like that would hit her with.
However, that's just a minor quibble - another strong addition to the storyline.
12/19/2009 c4 MarkC-UK
Chapters 3 & 4 are both intriguing - the contrast between the violence in part 3 and the display of the soft side of the character in part 4 is really powerful.
Really nicely done.
Chapters 3 & 4 are both intriguing - the contrast between the violence in part 3 and the display of the soft side of the character in part 4 is really powerful.
Really nicely done.
12/18/2009 c2 MarkC-UK
Okay - this is a good chapter but the pacing seems to be out slightly. The actual description of the hit is really quick compared to the build up to it. The sense of revulsion the character feels isn't really conveyed when she's supposed to be tormenting her target - it's not to say she should torture him, but she doesn't really give him time for his predicament to sink in before she kills him. I was expecting more of a cat toying with a mouse type of a situation.
I do think you need to work on the mechanics of your combat sequences a little. I know you aren't looking for hyper-realism, but using a sword to slash a throat is impractical - same with a sai as it's essentially a piercing weapon.
Additionally, there are more efficient ways to kill someone with a bladed weapon than opting to slash their throat. Having said that, these are only minor quibbles and personal opinions on a well written second chapter.
Okay - this is a good chapter but the pacing seems to be out slightly. The actual description of the hit is really quick compared to the build up to it. The sense of revulsion the character feels isn't really conveyed when she's supposed to be tormenting her target - it's not to say she should torture him, but she doesn't really give him time for his predicament to sink in before she kills him. I was expecting more of a cat toying with a mouse type of a situation.
I do think you need to work on the mechanics of your combat sequences a little. I know you aren't looking for hyper-realism, but using a sword to slash a throat is impractical - same with a sai as it's essentially a piercing weapon.
Additionally, there are more efficient ways to kill someone with a bladed weapon than opting to slash their throat. Having said that, these are only minor quibbles and personal opinions on a well written second chapter.
12/17/2009 c1 MarkC-UK
Interesting start - I'm intrigued to see where you take this if you continue it.
Interesting start - I'm intrigued to see where you take this if you continue it.