12/19/2009 c1 11ending your life with one glar
very good love it very strong

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12/18/2009 c1 172DefineBeauty
a story told through so few words, of love and longing and knowing that of right and wrong.

i like it. it's simple and gets the point across easily without straining. it shows the clear raw emotion of this girl. the fact that she longs to be with this guy again, but at the same time, knows that it's wrong.

i didn't really like the 4th stanza though. i think that you should just focus on the good times they shared together and the mentioning of the abuse in the last stanza is sufficient. i think the 4th stanza disrupts the nice flow the rest of the poem had going on.

there's also a subtle hint of the abuse back in the 2nd stanza which i found to be clever. i like the comparison of the shirt being too big and the guy being too much to handle. good job with that =]

i think i like the last stanza the best. it sums up everything she's feeling, everything she knows is wrong but still longs to have...it's beautiful in a way

nice write =]