for Yesteryears' Christmas Wedding12/26/2009 c2 bhadzmaru
Hello again. I was just browsing around the site, and to my pleasant surprise it seems as if you have just updated a while ago. Its good that you decided to continue this writing and I want to wish you luck until whatever chapter you reach.
Its ok to me to have a slow pace. So that the building of the characters is gradual and not seem rushed. Plus that I thought the exchange of dialog in this chapter was a bit funny to me, especially the part of Bob going on about his wife.
I like that you have humanized your main character. He seems like a normal person but I guess he has his own secrets to be revealed. By the way, is Douglas the main character here? Because although the writing style is in third person, it seems to be from the Douglas' perspective.
Anyway, I hope you update soon. Until then, thank you for a nice read. I'm new to fictionpress and I think I'll go read some more nice stories like this.
Hello again. I was just browsing around the site, and to my pleasant surprise it seems as if you have just updated a while ago. Its good that you decided to continue this writing and I want to wish you luck until whatever chapter you reach.
Its ok to me to have a slow pace. So that the building of the characters is gradual and not seem rushed. Plus that I thought the exchange of dialog in this chapter was a bit funny to me, especially the part of Bob going on about his wife.
I like that you have humanized your main character. He seems like a normal person but I guess he has his own secrets to be revealed. By the way, is Douglas the main character here? Because although the writing style is in third person, it seems to be from the Douglas' perspective.
Anyway, I hope you update soon. Until then, thank you for a nice read. I'm new to fictionpress and I think I'll go read some more nice stories like this.
12/26/2009 c1 bhadzmaru
Although I am not a fan of romance stories, this was very well written. Keep it up, I hope to see the next chapter up soon. I'll keep an eye on this for the meantime. I'll go read other stories now, thanks for the nice read.
Although I am not a fan of romance stories, this was very well written. Keep it up, I hope to see the next chapter up soon. I'll keep an eye on this for the meantime. I'll go read other stories now, thanks for the nice read.
12/26/2009 c1 R-review
It would be very nice if you continued writing this!
I am not a big fan of teenage love stories so its very refreshing to see an adult love story in FP coz most post teen stories and it sometimes gets irritating!
Please continue! I would love to know what happens next , its just like reading one of those pocketbook romances from loveswept hahaha
!i like!
It would be very nice if you continued writing this!
I am not a big fan of teenage love stories so its very refreshing to see an adult love story in FP coz most post teen stories and it sometimes gets irritating!
Please continue! I would love to know what happens next , its just like reading one of those pocketbook romances from loveswept hahaha
!i like!
12/24/2009 c1 
6Devil's Playground
Normally I'm not a big fan of the romance genre, but this is so unique and well-written that I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. The writing style and tone in this are both very different than "Mama, I Love You" - this is much lighter in mood and in descriptive language, but this mostly-simplistic style seems to work very well for you, too. Kudos to you for being able to pull off different styles and subject matters so well! A lot of writers seem to get stuck doing the same old thing, so being able to change like this is a great skill to have
Although an office romance isn't the most original concept for a story, you take the idea and make it all your own here. The characters seem very well-developed already, and the characterization doesn't seem forced. Also, I think the way you structured this prologue is very effective - starting off in the present, going into a flashback, and then snapping back to the present.
Some of the dialogue did seem a little awkward for a casual conversation, especially in the scene with Rumina and Douglas - though I suppose things would be a little awkward and formal in a situation like that, so I can see why it could be that way. Also, maybe you could add in some more descriptions of the characters and settings.
Lastly, at the end where it says "with mixed feelings," it might help if you go into further detail about what, exactly, those feelings are. But then again, that might have been intentionally left out, implying that Douglas (and therefore, the reader) isn't exactly sure what those feelings are.
Overall, this is a very promising start and I'd love to read more of it! :)
6Devil's PlaygroundNormally I'm not a big fan of the romance genre, but this is so unique and well-written that I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. The writing style and tone in this are both very different than "Mama, I Love You" - this is much lighter in mood and in descriptive language, but this mostly-simplistic style seems to work very well for you, too. Kudos to you for being able to pull off different styles and subject matters so well! A lot of writers seem to get stuck doing the same old thing, so being able to change like this is a great skill to have
Although an office romance isn't the most original concept for a story, you take the idea and make it all your own here. The characters seem very well-developed already, and the characterization doesn't seem forced. Also, I think the way you structured this prologue is very effective - starting off in the present, going into a flashback, and then snapping back to the present.
Some of the dialogue did seem a little awkward for a casual conversation, especially in the scene with Rumina and Douglas - though I suppose things would be a little awkward and formal in a situation like that, so I can see why it could be that way. Also, maybe you could add in some more descriptions of the characters and settings.
Lastly, at the end where it says "with mixed feelings," it might help if you go into further detail about what, exactly, those feelings are. But then again, that might have been intentionally left out, implying that Douglas (and therefore, the reader) isn't exactly sure what those feelings are.
Overall, this is a very promising start and I'd love to read more of it! :)
12/23/2009 c1 22Mizzuz Spock
Wow. This was very well-done!
I'm a huge fan of that show The Office, so, of course, I couldn't turn down a story about office romance. xD
Boy, am I glad I clicked on this and read it. Your writing style is wonderful. Transitions, dialogue, and even the flashback was done incredibly well and there weren't any "bumps" in the writing.
You did an excellent job of incorporating little scene-setting bits, that helped to make the story more believable. The only one I can find as I skim back through this is: [Four seconds ticked on his wristwatch as his brain tried to process the exact implication of the situation.] This line was just great, in my opinion.
I didn't really find any mistakes. Spelling and grammar is good. As a one-shot, this is really strong, but should you decide to add more, I will be anxiously waiting! :]
22Mizzuz SpockWow. This was very well-done!
I'm a huge fan of that show The Office, so, of course, I couldn't turn down a story about office romance. xD
Boy, am I glad I clicked on this and read it. Your writing style is wonderful. Transitions, dialogue, and even the flashback was done incredibly well and there weren't any "bumps" in the writing.
You did an excellent job of incorporating little scene-setting bits, that helped to make the story more believable. The only one I can find as I skim back through this is: [Four seconds ticked on his wristwatch as his brain tried to process the exact implication of the situation.] This line was just great, in my opinion.
I didn't really find any mistakes. Spelling and grammar is good. As a one-shot, this is really strong, but should you decide to add more, I will be anxiously waiting! :]