for Robotic Human1/6/2010 c2 
12kamburger
There's some good suspense in this chapter. Alcott sounds like some sort of cult leader. I wonder if Jess and Angela will run into him?
12kamburgerThere's some good suspense in this chapter. Alcott sounds like some sort of cult leader. I wonder if Jess and Angela will run into him?
1/2/2010 c1 kamburger
The prologue is short, but I'm interested to read more.
Just a bit of advice, I think the first two sentences would be stronger if the word "was" was taken out, like:
"I ran, my body minutes away from being out of breath completely. Oxygen flooded out of my body as fast as possible."
There's nothing wrong with the original sentences but it helps to make the sentences impact more.
The description of the robots is good! I'm curious to see what happens next.
The prologue is short, but I'm interested to read more.
Just a bit of advice, I think the first two sentences would be stronger if the word "was" was taken out, like:
"I ran, my body minutes away from being out of breath completely. Oxygen flooded out of my body as fast as possible."
There's nothing wrong with the original sentences but it helps to make the sentences impact more.
The description of the robots is good! I'm curious to see what happens next.