for Used1/14/2015 c9 
3Heartfelt Sighs
I like that they are human. Their story isn't perfect. Its fucked up, and that makes it like the sick, twisted world we live in instead of some world made up in someones head. The fucked up stories are usually the best.
3Heartfelt SighsI like that they are human. Their story isn't perfect. Its fucked up, and that makes it like the sick, twisted world we live in instead of some world made up in someones head. The fucked up stories are usually the best.
9/30/2013 c9 1Ryuhana
I really think this is a good story, but i have the feeling that i miss something (don't ask me what)
1RyuhanaI really think this is a good story, but i have the feeling that i miss something (don't ask me what)
3/17/2013 c9 sam
I love this story! Are we ever going to get an update?
I love this story! Are we ever going to get an update?
1/10/2013 c9 2Facella
This is a really interesting story. Poor Shepard. I feel really sorry for him. Haeden can be such a jerk. So it's alright if he sleeps around with countless girls but Shepard can't even go to a concert with another guy? Yeah, wow, that's a great best friend. Or lover. Or whatever he thinks he is for Shepard.
I like Ethan. He seems to be a really nice guy. I hope he can convince Shepard to get out of that relationship before he gets seriously hurt. And I agree with TinFoilKnight: Haeden is totally showing warning signs for turning abusive. Makes me worry about Shepard...
Agh, just hurry up and get a new chapter out!
2FacellaThis is a really interesting story. Poor Shepard. I feel really sorry for him. Haeden can be such a jerk. So it's alright if he sleeps around with countless girls but Shepard can't even go to a concert with another guy? Yeah, wow, that's a great best friend. Or lover. Or whatever he thinks he is for Shepard.
I like Ethan. He seems to be a really nice guy. I hope he can convince Shepard to get out of that relationship before he gets seriously hurt. And I agree with TinFoilKnight: Haeden is totally showing warning signs for turning abusive. Makes me worry about Shepard...
Agh, just hurry up and get a new chapter out!
10/21/2012 c9 4GrangerDanger333
Okay, firstly THANK GOD there's another lesbian writing MxM slash. I actually thought I was the only one! I thought I was a total freak... :)
Anyway, I really love this story, but its so annoying that Haeden seems to think he owns Shep. He is pretty annoying, but I'm kind of coming round to him, especially cos he seems to have some sweet side to him too.
I love Ethan, especially when he was all scared of skating. Heh heh, that is so me on an ice rink. Derek is so hilarious and Shirley is just totally amazing. She's like the fun but sensible one.
But that's enough compliments now. Can't wait for some more chapters... :D
4GrangerDanger333Okay, firstly THANK GOD there's another lesbian writing MxM slash. I actually thought I was the only one! I thought I was a total freak... :)
Anyway, I really love this story, but its so annoying that Haeden seems to think he owns Shep. He is pretty annoying, but I'm kind of coming round to him, especially cos he seems to have some sweet side to him too.
I love Ethan, especially when he was all scared of skating. Heh heh, that is so me on an ice rink. Derek is so hilarious and Shirley is just totally amazing. She's like the fun but sensible one.
But that's enough compliments now. Can't wait for some more chapters... :D
10/8/2012 c9 RueRue1396
i like Shepard he is perfect and strong at the same time, Haeden just flat out confuses me Ethan is too nice and i find Derek mysterious in a guy-appears-once-in-a-chapter-kind of way overall this is nice i would like to know what happens next.
i like Shepard he is perfect and strong at the same time, Haeden just flat out confuses me Ethan is too nice and i find Derek mysterious in a guy-appears-once-in-a-chapter-kind of way overall this is nice i would like to know what happens next.
7/15/2012 c9 TinfoilKnight
Ooh, I love Haeden's reaction to Shep's date with Ethan! He's jealous. I'm interested to see how the conflict plays out in the next chapters, and I like that their relationship's starting to take a darker turn. It makes the story more exciting.
[He was standing up and there was an intensity in his eyes that reminded me of an predatory animal.] I like this line, it's a nice image and it shows his emotions well.
["I'm not running around with other guys! It's different!"] I like this line of dialogue because it shows the double standard in their relathionship. Shep can't run around one other guy, but Haeden can mess around with as many girls as he wants.
Ooh, I love Haeden's reaction to Shep's date with Ethan! He's jealous. I'm interested to see how the conflict plays out in the next chapters, and I like that their relationship's starting to take a darker turn. It makes the story more exciting.
[He was standing up and there was an intensity in his eyes that reminded me of an predatory animal.] I like this line, it's a nice image and it shows his emotions well.
["I'm not running around with other guys! It's different!"] I like this line of dialogue because it shows the double standard in their relathionship. Shep can't run around one other guy, but Haeden can mess around with as many girls as he wants.
7/15/2012 c8 TinfoilKnight
[Is it super obvious how uncomfortable I am with male genitalia?] Yes. Yes it is.
I like the way Ethan and Shep are growing closer, it makes me excited for the next chapters. Haeden's reaction will be interesting, and probably add some conflict between them. :D
I like this sex scene better than the last one. It had some nice description [Everything in me felt all jolted up and hot.] and the genetilia squeamishness was a little less obvious.
[With one hard thrust, Haeden came with a sharp cry and I followed suit, and we both slumped down further into the bed.] I feel like there's a detail missing here. Umm... what about the cum? It's probably all over the bed, are they worried about having to clean it up? Is it gross and sticky?
[Is it super obvious how uncomfortable I am with male genitalia?] Yes. Yes it is.
I like the way Ethan and Shep are growing closer, it makes me excited for the next chapters. Haeden's reaction will be interesting, and probably add some conflict between them. :D
I like this sex scene better than the last one. It had some nice description [Everything in me felt all jolted up and hot.] and the genetilia squeamishness was a little less obvious.
[With one hard thrust, Haeden came with a sharp cry and I followed suit, and we both slumped down further into the bed.] I feel like there's a detail missing here. Umm... what about the cum? It's probably all over the bed, are they worried about having to clean it up? Is it gross and sticky?
7/15/2012 c7 TinfoilKnight
[Everything was okay until Thursday night.] I like this line, it had some nice foreshadowing and raised the suspence.
["I started my period?" I said softly, hoping to make her laugh.] Aww! I like this, it made me laugh.
[I laughed. "I said that I love him, not that he loves me."] I like how this sentence sums up their relationship. It makes it a nice ending to the chapter.
[Everything was okay until Thursday night.] I like this line, it had some nice foreshadowing and raised the suspence.
["I started my period?" I said softly, hoping to make her laugh.] Aww! I like this, it made me laugh.
[I laughed. "I said that I love him, not that he loves me."] I like how this sentence sums up their relationship. It makes it a nice ending to the chapter.
7/15/2012 c6 TinfoilKnight
I love how Haeden's mom worries about Shep, and Shep's mom worries about Haeden. XD It's like they're brothers or something. It shows how long they've known eachother.
Ooh! I like all the subtle warning signs you've got in this chapter. It opens up the story to the possibility of Haeden becoming abusive. Between the subtle jealousy at Shep texting Ethan, the drinking issue, and the hints of his insecurity, I can definitely see Haeden becoming abusive. I like it because this means it won't just come out of the blue.
I love how Haeden's mom worries about Shep, and Shep's mom worries about Haeden. XD It's like they're brothers or something. It shows how long they've known eachother.
Ooh! I like all the subtle warning signs you've got in this chapter. It opens up the story to the possibility of Haeden becoming abusive. Between the subtle jealousy at Shep texting Ethan, the drinking issue, and the hints of his insecurity, I can definitely see Haeden becoming abusive. I like it because this means it won't just come out of the blue.
7/15/2012 c5 TinfoilKnight
[They looked very comfortable, and when I put them on, I realized that they were.] Not really a fan of this sentence, it falls a little flat. "They looked comfortable... and then they were." Maybe something like,
"They looked comfortable, and when I put them on they were soft and warm."
["Okay, so I guess it isn't my place to ask, but I have to make sure. You…uh…you weren't raped were you?"] I love the way Ethan says this! It's so awkward and kinda sweet. It makes me like him more. :)
I love Ethan! XD He's so nice... And Derek's cool, too. He seems very snarky to me so far.
[They looked very comfortable, and when I put them on, I realized that they were.] Not really a fan of this sentence, it falls a little flat. "They looked comfortable... and then they were." Maybe something like,
"They looked comfortable, and when I put them on they were soft and warm."
["Okay, so I guess it isn't my place to ask, but I have to make sure. You…uh…you weren't raped were you?"] I love the way Ethan says this! It's so awkward and kinda sweet. It makes me like him more. :)
I love Ethan! XD He's so nice... And Derek's cool, too. He seems very snarky to me so far.
7/15/2012 c4 TinfoilKnight
[I knew better than to mess with his head like that.] I like this line. It shows the double standard he has between himself and Haeden; he thinks it's wrong to mess with Haeden's head when Haeden messes with his all the time. It's almost like he values Haeden more than himself.
I felt like the details in the last part were a little vague - you avoided saying "penis" or "anus" or any other word describing a body part, so I had not idea who was touching what.
[...and a second later felt an intrusion where I didn't really expect one.] Here's an example. Where's the intrusion? What is intruding?
[I knew better than to mess with his head like that.] I like this line. It shows the double standard he has between himself and Haeden; he thinks it's wrong to mess with Haeden's head when Haeden messes with his all the time. It's almost like he values Haeden more than himself.
I felt like the details in the last part were a little vague - you avoided saying "penis" or "anus" or any other word describing a body part, so I had not idea who was touching what.
[...and a second later felt an intrusion where I didn't really expect one.] Here's an example. Where's the intrusion? What is intruding?
7/14/2012 c3 TinfoilKnight
[Like a ghost getting a blowjob. That's loud.] I love this simile! It's very creative.
[He had his I'm-so-turned-on look on his face, a look I met once when we were thirteen and I opened the bathroom door without knocking first.] Um, what? XD I like this sentence, it gives me a funny image.
[And his hand is on my tummy!] Gah! The word "tummy" kind of ruins this sentence for me. It just makes me think of six year olds...
[Like a ghost getting a blowjob. That's loud.] I love this simile! It's very creative.
[He had his I'm-so-turned-on look on his face, a look I met once when we were thirteen and I opened the bathroom door without knocking first.] Um, what? XD I like this sentence, it gives me a funny image.
[And his hand is on my tummy!] Gah! The word "tummy" kind of ruins this sentence for me. It just makes me think of six year olds...
7/14/2012 c2 TinfoilKnight
I love the little exchange between Haeden and Shep at the beginning, it's just plain adorable. It really shows how close they are.
[I actually typed out, 'You,' but erased it before sending it.] Aww! Just... aww. :3
['I don't need to hear that. Anna's a nice girl.' 'REAL nice in my opinion.'] I like this dialogue because it shows some of the differences between Haeden and Shep.
I like the last line. It has some nice forshadowing in it, and it makes me excited to read the next chapter.
I love the little exchange between Haeden and Shep at the beginning, it's just plain adorable. It really shows how close they are.
[I actually typed out, 'You,' but erased it before sending it.] Aww! Just... aww. :3
['I don't need to hear that. Anna's a nice girl.' 'REAL nice in my opinion.'] I like this dialogue because it shows some of the differences between Haeden and Shep.
I like the last line. It has some nice forshadowing in it, and it makes me excited to read the next chapter.
7/14/2012 c1 TinfoilKnight
Hullo from the Review Marathon! Link in my profile.
I love the beginning of this chapter, it really shows the main character's obsession with Haeden well. The whole chapter does a great job showing their relationship.
[His eyes were wonderful too. They changed color on a whim, and it took me years to figure out the pattern. Blue when he was happy, gray when he was sad, green when he was sleepy, almost black when he was mad.] This is the only part of the chapter I really don't like. Eyes don't change color with mood, not in realistic fiction.
[I looked at him, and the look in his eyes told everything. He didn't care. He didn't love me. He didn't want me. He needed me at that moment; he needed anyone and I happened to be here. I was willing.] Aww. This part makes me feel so sorry for Shep.
Hullo from the Review Marathon! Link in my profile.
I love the beginning of this chapter, it really shows the main character's obsession with Haeden well. The whole chapter does a great job showing their relationship.
[His eyes were wonderful too. They changed color on a whim, and it took me years to figure out the pattern. Blue when he was happy, gray when he was sad, green when he was sleepy, almost black when he was mad.] This is the only part of the chapter I really don't like. Eyes don't change color with mood, not in realistic fiction.
[I looked at him, and the look in his eyes told everything. He didn't care. He didn't love me. He didn't want me. He needed me at that moment; he needed anyone and I happened to be here. I was willing.] Aww. This part makes me feel so sorry for Shep.