for Used6/8/2012 c9 Rainbowelectric
Oh my good god, I am so completely enamoured with this story. I have to admit it took me several chapters to really get into it, but now I'm ravenous for more. Absolutely positively ravenous! Haeden and Shepard are just perfection. I'm somewhat smitten with Shep, because he seems to be such an underdog, in love and it's unrequited, which is always so much worse. Still I've hope that Haeden will see the light. Vim curious about Ethan...is he or will he be another love interest...I'm hoping so...not to pull him away from Haeden, but merely to reaffirm his love for Haeden. And Haeden could use a little torture to enable him to see the light. Vstill it's absolutely lovely writing and I can't wait for the next chapter. I'm worried by the title that there won't be that tied up in a happy colourful bow ending...but life is seldom done up so neatly. Still I'm holding out hope. Call me a romantic, I guess. Now get to writing that next chapter! :)
Oh my good god, I am so completely enamoured with this story. I have to admit it took me several chapters to really get into it, but now I'm ravenous for more. Absolutely positively ravenous! Haeden and Shepard are just perfection. I'm somewhat smitten with Shep, because he seems to be such an underdog, in love and it's unrequited, which is always so much worse. Still I've hope that Haeden will see the light. Vim curious about Ethan...is he or will he be another love interest...I'm hoping so...not to pull him away from Haeden, but merely to reaffirm his love for Haeden. And Haeden could use a little torture to enable him to see the light. Vstill it's absolutely lovely writing and I can't wait for the next chapter. I'm worried by the title that there won't be that tied up in a happy colourful bow ending...but life is seldom done up so neatly. Still I'm holding out hope. Call me a romantic, I guess. Now get to writing that next chapter! :)
6/6/2012 c9 xfffxfxfx
I really like this explanation. Not only is it convincing, but it gels perfectly with everything else you've told us. I feel like I have a much better understanding of Shepard now.
What's more, I feel like I'm starting to understand Haeden too. In the past I've felt like he was a kind of boogeyman, the cause of Shepard's problems but inscrutable and mysterious, like a merciless god. But here, with the short digression at the beginning and then his reaction to Ethan's invitation later on, I feel like I'm starting to get him and why he acts the way he does. This makes me happy.
Way to go, posting so soon! No pressure to keep the schedule up, but I for on appreciate it.
I really like this explanation. Not only is it convincing, but it gels perfectly with everything else you've told us. I feel like I have a much better understanding of Shepard now.
What's more, I feel like I'm starting to understand Haeden too. In the past I've felt like he was a kind of boogeyman, the cause of Shepard's problems but inscrutable and mysterious, like a merciless god. But here, with the short digression at the beginning and then his reaction to Ethan's invitation later on, I feel like I'm starting to get him and why he acts the way he does. This makes me happy.
Way to go, posting so soon! No pressure to keep the schedule up, but I for on appreciate it.
6/5/2012 c9 
1littleanemonefish
Hey, can you unbold this chapter? It's impossible for me to read that much bold text. Looking forward to reading it once you fix this. Thanks :)
1littleanemonefishHey, can you unbold this chapter? It's impossible for me to read that much bold text. Looking forward to reading it once you fix this. Thanks :)
6/5/2012 c9 4checkerboardom
Awww poor Shep. :D Haedan's jealous. *start singing* That's what he gets.
I'm excited to read about the concert and thank you for the quick update, it made me smile.
4checkerboardomAwww poor Shep. :D Haedan's jealous. *start singing* That's what he gets.
I'm excited to read about the concert and thank you for the quick update, it made me smile.
6/5/2012 c9 4Rogue Energizer Bunny
This whole chapter's bolded. I'm not sure if you realize that; it's a little off-putting.
Other than that, love it.
Dialogue's good, authentic-sounding, and you don't use too many dailogue tags. It's got a good flow to it. I like the exposition at the beginning; it gave good insight to the characters' histories. I thought there could've been more leading up to it, so it didn't seem like you were stuffing some exposition in just for the heck of it, but after the start it worked out fine.
You do a good job showing emotions instead of saying the character has them, and an even better job of not trying to explain the emotions. A lot of authors (especially romance ones) over-explain, which makes the emotion seem all corny. You don't. Good job.
Just... fix the bolding. It makes my head hurt. :P.
-REB
4Rogue Energizer BunnyThis whole chapter's bolded. I'm not sure if you realize that; it's a little off-putting.
Other than that, love it.
Dialogue's good, authentic-sounding, and you don't use too many dailogue tags. It's got a good flow to it. I like the exposition at the beginning; it gave good insight to the characters' histories. I thought there could've been more leading up to it, so it didn't seem like you were stuffing some exposition in just for the heck of it, but after the start it worked out fine.
You do a good job showing emotions instead of saying the character has them, and an even better job of not trying to explain the emotions. A lot of authors (especially romance ones) over-explain, which makes the emotion seem all corny. You don't. Good job.
Just... fix the bolding. It makes my head hurt. :P.
-REB
6/3/2012 c8 xfffxfxfx
Woah, are you a lesbian who writes slash? Well, I guess it's not that hard to believe, ultimately. I admit though, if I were writing/reading femslash, I would skip the genital parts. Girl parts squick me out.
I really like this story. I'm glad you are continuing it. I was worried there that we had lost you. I like the weird emotional dynamics. It still feels like there's something missing though... I guess it's Shepard's motivation for letting Haeden do with him as he will. That desire doesn't just come out of nowhere, it fills some kind of need. I think I said this before.
Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the next chapters, whenever they come.
Woah, are you a lesbian who writes slash? Well, I guess it's not that hard to believe, ultimately. I admit though, if I were writing/reading femslash, I would skip the genital parts. Girl parts squick me out.
I really like this story. I'm glad you are continuing it. I was worried there that we had lost you. I like the weird emotional dynamics. It still feels like there's something missing though... I guess it's Shepard's motivation for letting Haeden do with him as he will. That desire doesn't just come out of nowhere, it fills some kind of need. I think I said this before.
Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the next chapters, whenever they come.
6/3/2012 c8 Rogue Energizer Bunny
Eh!
I didn't think you'd update this, that's why I didn't review earlier. Huh.
Nice job! No, it isn't bad, seriously.
-REB
Eh!
I didn't think you'd update this, that's why I didn't review earlier. Huh.
Nice job! No, it isn't bad, seriously.
-REB
6/3/2012 c8 1zero434
i like this story cause its not always about sex and the way you right it is really awesome. the first chap made me tear up and idk if thats me being emotional or u being good at getting ur point across. either im lovin this story :D
1zero434i like this story cause its not always about sex and the way you right it is really awesome. the first chap made me tear up and idk if thats me being emotional or u being good at getting ur point across. either im lovin this story :D
6/2/2012 c8 4checkerboardom
Skip the dialogue? Oh goodness no! I read every bit and I'm so glad you updated! It was a wonderful chapter and I'm glad Shepard and Haedan (grr his name is hard to spell) cleared up a few things. It was great and I loved it.
4checkerboardomSkip the dialogue? Oh goodness no! I read every bit and I'm so glad you updated! It was a wonderful chapter and I'm glad Shepard and Haedan (grr his name is hard to spell) cleared up a few things. It was great and I loved it.
6/2/2012 c7 NightMoon66
Aww, he doesn't love you but I do Shepard. No offence, I half want to bash Haeden's skull in right now. It's cruel and callous but then what else can a guy like him do? He doesn't know any better. He's probably so versed in breaking hears that he could do it in his sleep by now - or he could do it unintentionally, like now. At least he isn't stupid. he's notbreaking poor Shepard's heart on purpose but he does know he's fucking up.
Ethan and Derek. When and if they meet Haeden, I anticipate whichever feels more volatile at the moment will punch him in th e face. And it will hurt. Hopefully. I love this story, I really do and if you wait another three months to update I think I'm going to die a few times. I'll come back though lol
(No offence. But I think it'll be karmatic if he finally feels something for Shepard just as he breaks his heart.) hang in there Shepard, your Creator isn't completely wicked. She still loves you and she'll fix this (maybe).
Aww, he doesn't love you but I do Shepard. No offence, I half want to bash Haeden's skull in right now. It's cruel and callous but then what else can a guy like him do? He doesn't know any better. He's probably so versed in breaking hears that he could do it in his sleep by now - or he could do it unintentionally, like now. At least he isn't stupid. he's notbreaking poor Shepard's heart on purpose but he does know he's fucking up.
Ethan and Derek. When and if they meet Haeden, I anticipate whichever feels more volatile at the moment will punch him in th e face. And it will hurt. Hopefully. I love this story, I really do and if you wait another three months to update I think I'm going to die a few times. I'll come back though lol
(No offence. But I think it'll be karmatic if he finally feels something for Shepard just as he breaks his heart.) hang in there Shepard, your Creator isn't completely wicked. She still loves you and she'll fix this (maybe).
3/16/2012 c7 meow
pleaseee..
continue n update the story..
you got me really curious...
pleaseee..
continue n update the story..
you got me really curious...
3/3/2012 c1 xfffxfxfx
I’m fairly enjoying this story. Things seem kind of formulaic and there are many recurring clichés, but there is a deep suffering that bleeds through nevertheless.
I feel that the characters could be fleshed out a bit more. They are wonderfully well-defined, but their motivations are cloudy. Why exactly is Shepard a glutton for punishment? We understand he loves Haeden, but why doesn’t he respect himself enough to say no? And likewise, why does Haeden do what he do? As powerful as things are, if these basic motivations aren’t understood by the reader there is a crucial gap missing. If we don’t understand what makes them do what they do we can’t help but feel they’re just being stupid.
I love the wealth of detail in the story. I don’t know where the story is set, but I can see it vividly when you describe it. That, and the domestic details of Shepard’s and Haeden’s lives are specific and intriguing. I feel that you’ve really got a strong sense of things in your head, not merely bringing forth a vague gesture of a world.
I have a feeling this story is only going to get more emotional, and I look forward to it. I call myself Heartbreak for a reason.
I’m fairly enjoying this story. Things seem kind of formulaic and there are many recurring clichés, but there is a deep suffering that bleeds through nevertheless.
I feel that the characters could be fleshed out a bit more. They are wonderfully well-defined, but their motivations are cloudy. Why exactly is Shepard a glutton for punishment? We understand he loves Haeden, but why doesn’t he respect himself enough to say no? And likewise, why does Haeden do what he do? As powerful as things are, if these basic motivations aren’t understood by the reader there is a crucial gap missing. If we don’t understand what makes them do what they do we can’t help but feel they’re just being stupid.
I love the wealth of detail in the story. I don’t know where the story is set, but I can see it vividly when you describe it. That, and the domestic details of Shepard’s and Haeden’s lives are specific and intriguing. I feel that you’ve really got a strong sense of things in your head, not merely bringing forth a vague gesture of a world.
I have a feeling this story is only going to get more emotional, and I look forward to it. I call myself Heartbreak for a reason.
2/22/2012 c7 4checkerboardom
Sheperd should hook up with Ethan and kick Haedan to his slut banging self. O.O Wow that was...yeah...ignore me and continue to write this awsome story.
4checkerboardomSheperd should hook up with Ethan and kick Haedan to his slut banging self. O.O Wow that was...yeah...ignore me and continue to write this awsome story.