for I See a Darkness1/21/2017 c7 
17mousegirl05
Oh A... regarding your author's note, you have my deepest and most true sympathies. It is never easy to lose someone... and it does take the 'oomph' out of the comment I had building about the story. Mostly because I can't remember all the things I wanted to say.
Bottom line: still delightfully close characters with heart and oh-so-easy-to-identify-with nature. This story drips with humanity and life that I think most everyone can relate to one way or another.
17mousegirl05Oh A... regarding your author's note, you have my deepest and most true sympathies. It is never easy to lose someone... and it does take the 'oomph' out of the comment I had building about the story. Mostly because I can't remember all the things I wanted to say.
Bottom line: still delightfully close characters with heart and oh-so-easy-to-identify-with nature. This story drips with humanity and life that I think most everyone can relate to one way or another.
1/20/2017 c7 C0HR
I lovve this story! It's very interesting and well-written. I like your reason for writing it, too. You don't see lots of stories like these. I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope you're okay. 3
I lovve this story! It's very interesting and well-written. I like your reason for writing it, too. You don't see lots of stories like these. I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope you're okay. 3
5/3/2011 c6 kat
this is really good
they're just so cute!
I like how you don't rush the sexual stuff and went for the emotional bonding!
this is really good
they're just so cute!
I like how you don't rush the sexual stuff and went for the emotional bonding!
11/18/2010 c6 Anon
I just want to say how much I enjoyed reading this and that I hope it gets an update soon. Thanks for writing!
I just want to say how much I enjoyed reading this and that I hope it gets an update soon. Thanks for writing!
9/5/2010 c6 gyvareva
Wow. I just discovered your story and read all six chapters in one go. It is really really goo, and I loved reading about Jasper and Noah, and... I so hope you're gonna update soon! :)
Wow. I just discovered your story and read all six chapters in one go. It is really really goo, and I loved reading about Jasper and Noah, and... I so hope you're gonna update soon! :)
5/12/2010 c1 4overlordpotatoe
The sentence beginning "So it was that when..." reminded me of older style writing, but more than that, it reminded me of older style writing that I must have at some point heard read aloud on TV or something. I don't know, but since that line I can't stop reading it in my head in the voice of some English lady who sounds like she'd be more at home reciting Peter Rabbit.
Um, don't confuse this for criticism, because it isn't. There is nothing wrong with the wording at all, the trouble lies in my brain.
4overlordpotatoeThe sentence beginning "So it was that when..." reminded me of older style writing, but more than that, it reminded me of older style writing that I must have at some point heard read aloud on TV or something. I don't know, but since that line I can't stop reading it in my head in the voice of some English lady who sounds like she'd be more at home reciting Peter Rabbit.
Um, don't confuse this for criticism, because it isn't. There is nothing wrong with the wording at all, the trouble lies in my brain.
4/6/2010 c6 Rok
Gah! That was so cute. You need to update or I think I'll go crazy. Love it.
Gah! That was so cute. You need to update or I think I'll go crazy. Love it.
3/11/2010 c6 Gray-to-Green
Wow, I'm so late on this review. But here I am! I loved this chapter! I loved the part where Noah met George and Gloria, and especially George's talk with Noah. It was so cute!
I'm also in love with the fact that everyone thinks that Richard and Alberta are total D-bags. In many ways, I relate to Noah's relationship with them, and understand his need to see/deal with them as little as possible.
I'm excited to see Noah and Jasper's relationship grow stronger as this story continues. May the next chapter be carried in on a zephyr!
Wow, I'm so late on this review. But here I am! I loved this chapter! I loved the part where Noah met George and Gloria, and especially George's talk with Noah. It was so cute!
I'm also in love with the fact that everyone thinks that Richard and Alberta are total D-bags. In many ways, I relate to Noah's relationship with them, and understand his need to see/deal with them as little as possible.
I'm excited to see Noah and Jasper's relationship grow stronger as this story continues. May the next chapter be carried in on a zephyr!
2/19/2010 c6 Purell Nerd
This is Such a great story. Poor Jasper, stupid driver who hit him. Noah and Jasper make a cute couple. Please update soon.
This is Such a great story. Poor Jasper, stupid driver who hit him. Noah and Jasper make a cute couple. Please update soon.
2/9/2010 c2 Totto-chan
"Several miles away, unbeknownst to Noah, Jasper was also thinking of him,"
YE$
Even though it was not as awkward as I had hoped, I enjoyed the first meeting of Jasper and Noah. I also felt like I could relate to Noah better in this chapter, so good job with that.
The story seems to be progressing quickly, which I think could be good or bad...it definitely keeps me interested, wanting to find out more, but at the same time feels a little too easy, could be fleshed out more. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't have a good feeling for much of the setting and supporting characters yet, so maybe spend a little more time on them.
Also, "...angry Vice Principle glaring angrily at Mark..." I am raising a disapproving eyebrow at you right now.
"Several miles away, unbeknownst to Noah, Jasper was also thinking of him,"
YE$
Even though it was not as awkward as I had hoped, I enjoyed the first meeting of Jasper and Noah. I also felt like I could relate to Noah better in this chapter, so good job with that.
The story seems to be progressing quickly, which I think could be good or bad...it definitely keeps me interested, wanting to find out more, but at the same time feels a little too easy, could be fleshed out more. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't have a good feeling for much of the setting and supporting characters yet, so maybe spend a little more time on them.
Also, "...angry Vice Principle glaring angrily at Mark..." I am raising a disapproving eyebrow at you right now.
2/9/2010 c1 Totto-chan
I must say, about half-way through this I got super excited for Jasper and Noah to meet. Which obviously means I enjoy reading about them and am looking forward to the wonderful awkwardness/whatever will develop from their interactions. It would be easy to have Jasper be the depressed one, what with his recent "disability," but I think taking the route you did makes him a much more interesting and likable character. Good intro to the boys and their ways of thinking! Other than some more thorough editing (rework awkward wording, places where you use the same/similar phrases twice in one paragraph), I have no suggestions!
I must say, about half-way through this I got super excited for Jasper and Noah to meet. Which obviously means I enjoy reading about them and am looking forward to the wonderful awkwardness/whatever will develop from their interactions. It would be easy to have Jasper be the depressed one, what with his recent "disability," but I think taking the route you did makes him a much more interesting and likable character. Good intro to the boys and their ways of thinking! Other than some more thorough editing (rework awkward wording, places where you use the same/similar phrases twice in one paragraph), I have no suggestions!
2/7/2010 c6 17mousegirl05
Whe.e.e.e.e.! Andrea, you know that I liked this section, and now I'll tell you again: I like it! (Sorry it took me so long to swing by for a read-through-busy weekend).
Like the expanded beginning, especially the superball. :) That was a fantastic touch. As long as we're talking about expansion, the ending is fantastic. I like the contrast between how it opened: solitaire, music, superball, and 'despair'; with how it ended: calm, night's sleep, and the whole bit about the not seeing the sun rise-excellent!
Not much to pick at this time (man it shortens my reviews, doesn't it?). After all, you've heard all my harp-strings already. ^_~ The only thing that leapt out at me was the fact that you forgot the open quotations before 'Mr. Dix just came by to discuss...' when Alberta is explaining the principal's visit.
Can't wait for the next bit! Yay for you!
17mousegirl05Whe.e.e.e.e.! Andrea, you know that I liked this section, and now I'll tell you again: I like it! (Sorry it took me so long to swing by for a read-through-busy weekend).
Like the expanded beginning, especially the superball. :) That was a fantastic touch. As long as we're talking about expansion, the ending is fantastic. I like the contrast between how it opened: solitaire, music, superball, and 'despair'; with how it ended: calm, night's sleep, and the whole bit about the not seeing the sun rise-excellent!
Not much to pick at this time (man it shortens my reviews, doesn't it?). After all, you've heard all my harp-strings already. ^_~ The only thing that leapt out at me was the fact that you forgot the open quotations before 'Mr. Dix just came by to discuss...' when Alberta is explaining the principal's visit.
Can't wait for the next bit! Yay for you!
2/6/2010 c6 flawedxuni
I just found your story earlier while I was searching for something good to read (can’t seem to find anything that peaks my interest as of lately), but your story caught my eye and I gave it a shot. And man am I glad I did. I couldn’t stop until I read all the chapters posted, and even then I was disheartened, wanting more and more of both Noah and Jasper’s story. It’s just so good :)
Noah would have to be my favorite character. I found myself relating heavily with him, to which I could go into detail, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my depressive issues in the past. Basically, you were very spot on and realistic that even if I couldn’t relate, I still would since it was just so raw and emotional. You really show how hard he’s struggling right now. How... lost? That might not be the right word to describe it. Hm... perhaps alone and sad? Yes, those are definitely present. Neglected and unwanted could be another thing he’s struggling with that would describe his parents. Unloved. Basically, he needs to get better, he wants to get better, but for some reason hasn’t been able to. Jasper seems like someone who is making him feel more, and actually making him want to get better. Which he clearly needs. The part at the end where he pockets the pill though, has me worried. I’m not sure if the pills are actually making it worse, or if maybe he’s just needing more help while taking the pills (a better person to talk to); or if perhaps he doesn’t need the pills at all and just needs someone to really help him and that he can talk to and so on. But I do wonder if it might end up having effects? I don’t know much about pills and so on, but I heard that suddenly getting on a certain medication, or getting off abruptly, or doing so sporadically when not supposed, it can leave different kinds of effects on people. Would that by chance be Noah’s case? Or will it be just that he feels better since he clearly didn’t need it? Hm... can’t wait to find out.
His parents, I can see could be a sort of focal point of how the depression may have progressed. I doubt they were much better than what they are now before they learned of his depression. That could have played heavily in making his depression worse, or perhaps, that wasn’t the case (I really don’t know). But, the way his parents are acting now, is so, so not right at all. I really don’t see why they’d think someone who’s hurting and is in a place he is now, would benefit, or even get better by just a pill and that’s it. Granted, he sees someone to talk to. But have they made an effort to be there for him? To try to understand him? To talk to him, to be around him and not ignore him? No. They’ve just pushed it away, ignored it and pretended that a simple pill would make him better when they know it isn’t. It’s sad to read how these parents are treating the situation. They’re clearly not understanding that they should be there for him more so now.
Jasper is a very interesting character. I’ve grown fond of him, wondering at his strength to be able to handle something so life alternating. He’s really shown true strength, when it wouldn’t have been a surprise for someone else in his situation to fall into depression, or something else. He’s made the effort to try to be independent on his own, realize other things that’ll help him later in life (smells, sounds, touch). With the bike, it was clearly stupid of him to do. Hopefully he’ll realize that (which I’m sure he will) and not try to do something reckless. I know it’s got to be very, very hard for him to not be able to do many normal things he used to do (like going for a ride to clear his head, etc), but what he’s got to focus on is the positive things, and the things that improve to help him be better at dealing with being blind now. So that he’s safe, and others are as well. Because if you think about it, not only could he have died, but someone else could have gotten hurt as well. A car could have swerved wrong and hit another and caused someone else to get injured. Someone could have been walking (not sure if that time, but if he had done it sometime else) and the car could have swerved and hit them. Putting himself in a situation like that not only could have been instrumental in his own life (effecting people he cares for) but also others involved (and their loved ones). And, I’m babbling, aren’t I?
Pretty much love this story so far. Love the characters (hate the parents) and am looking forward to finding out how this story progresses. I am also curious as to how the characters problems unfold/and become resolved, and reading about Jasper’s and Noah’s friendship/possible building relationship. Anyway, great job so far! Lovely writing. And sorry for rambling ^^
I just found your story earlier while I was searching for something good to read (can’t seem to find anything that peaks my interest as of lately), but your story caught my eye and I gave it a shot. And man am I glad I did. I couldn’t stop until I read all the chapters posted, and even then I was disheartened, wanting more and more of both Noah and Jasper’s story. It’s just so good :)
Noah would have to be my favorite character. I found myself relating heavily with him, to which I could go into detail, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my depressive issues in the past. Basically, you were very spot on and realistic that even if I couldn’t relate, I still would since it was just so raw and emotional. You really show how hard he’s struggling right now. How... lost? That might not be the right word to describe it. Hm... perhaps alone and sad? Yes, those are definitely present. Neglected and unwanted could be another thing he’s struggling with that would describe his parents. Unloved. Basically, he needs to get better, he wants to get better, but for some reason hasn’t been able to. Jasper seems like someone who is making him feel more, and actually making him want to get better. Which he clearly needs. The part at the end where he pockets the pill though, has me worried. I’m not sure if the pills are actually making it worse, or if maybe he’s just needing more help while taking the pills (a better person to talk to); or if perhaps he doesn’t need the pills at all and just needs someone to really help him and that he can talk to and so on. But I do wonder if it might end up having effects? I don’t know much about pills and so on, but I heard that suddenly getting on a certain medication, or getting off abruptly, or doing so sporadically when not supposed, it can leave different kinds of effects on people. Would that by chance be Noah’s case? Or will it be just that he feels better since he clearly didn’t need it? Hm... can’t wait to find out.
His parents, I can see could be a sort of focal point of how the depression may have progressed. I doubt they were much better than what they are now before they learned of his depression. That could have played heavily in making his depression worse, or perhaps, that wasn’t the case (I really don’t know). But, the way his parents are acting now, is so, so not right at all. I really don’t see why they’d think someone who’s hurting and is in a place he is now, would benefit, or even get better by just a pill and that’s it. Granted, he sees someone to talk to. But have they made an effort to be there for him? To try to understand him? To talk to him, to be around him and not ignore him? No. They’ve just pushed it away, ignored it and pretended that a simple pill would make him better when they know it isn’t. It’s sad to read how these parents are treating the situation. They’re clearly not understanding that they should be there for him more so now.
Jasper is a very interesting character. I’ve grown fond of him, wondering at his strength to be able to handle something so life alternating. He’s really shown true strength, when it wouldn’t have been a surprise for someone else in his situation to fall into depression, or something else. He’s made the effort to try to be independent on his own, realize other things that’ll help him later in life (smells, sounds, touch). With the bike, it was clearly stupid of him to do. Hopefully he’ll realize that (which I’m sure he will) and not try to do something reckless. I know it’s got to be very, very hard for him to not be able to do many normal things he used to do (like going for a ride to clear his head, etc), but what he’s got to focus on is the positive things, and the things that improve to help him be better at dealing with being blind now. So that he’s safe, and others are as well. Because if you think about it, not only could he have died, but someone else could have gotten hurt as well. A car could have swerved wrong and hit another and caused someone else to get injured. Someone could have been walking (not sure if that time, but if he had done it sometime else) and the car could have swerved and hit them. Putting himself in a situation like that not only could have been instrumental in his own life (effecting people he cares for) but also others involved (and their loved ones). And, I’m babbling, aren’t I?
Pretty much love this story so far. Love the characters (hate the parents) and am looking forward to finding out how this story progresses. I am also curious as to how the characters problems unfold/and become resolved, and reading about Jasper’s and Noah’s friendship/possible building relationship. Anyway, great job so far! Lovely writing. And sorry for rambling ^^
2/5/2010 c6 1MollyMoo
Oh! Oh, oh, oh! Wonderful! I really enjoy this story so much I just can't tell you!
Okay, so here's what I am thinking this time! First off, I must thank you for waking him up in the first chapter! Often times when I read pieces such as this, the character doesn't wake up for about three chapters and thats when I stop reading. But no! You prevail once again! You have defeated the beast of 'Ongoing Fluff' and let me tell you its a doozy!
You are working with a very steady rhythm of development that I admire! And once again I can't wait for the next chapter! Oh yea, I also love the way that George is taking in Noah, that's so wonderful! And props of massive proportions to Noah for saying no to depression meds! I was sincerely hoping that this would happen! I cannot wait to see what unfolds in the next chapter :D
Oh and I must say, that beta of yours is wonderful, in reading her reviews I find that I'm learning quite a bit myself :D
Keep up the awesomeness!
Moo
1MollyMooOh! Oh, oh, oh! Wonderful! I really enjoy this story so much I just can't tell you!
Okay, so here's what I am thinking this time! First off, I must thank you for waking him up in the first chapter! Often times when I read pieces such as this, the character doesn't wake up for about three chapters and thats when I stop reading. But no! You prevail once again! You have defeated the beast of 'Ongoing Fluff' and let me tell you its a doozy!
You are working with a very steady rhythm of development that I admire! And once again I can't wait for the next chapter! Oh yea, I also love the way that George is taking in Noah, that's so wonderful! And props of massive proportions to Noah for saying no to depression meds! I was sincerely hoping that this would happen! I cannot wait to see what unfolds in the next chapter :D
Oh and I must say, that beta of yours is wonderful, in reading her reviews I find that I'm learning quite a bit myself :D
Keep up the awesomeness!
Moo
2/2/2010 c5 MollyMoo
Wow! Definitely my favorite chapter yet! As most of my criticism rolls onto this chapter and your work in general, I think its time for some well deserved praise!
First of all, I am so glad that their connection is clearly there but its not perfect yet. I love that there is still some discomfort in their exceedingly new relationship as there well should be! It just drives me crazy when relationships are perfect they day they are developed because that is simply NOT believable! Bravo!
Secondly, I am so pleased that you took Jasper out of his persona of near perfection to make him do something utterly stupid, such as trying to ride a bike with no vision! And at night to top it off! What a brilliant thing you did there. Because let's be honest with ourselves, when someone is struggling with the fact that they can no longer do everything on their own, especially things they excelled at, they are clearly going to test those boundries! And that is exactly what he's doing here! Not to mention that in this simple act, you have opened up so many opportune moments! This unlocks so many different reactions and emotions in just as many people! Ah, the joy of consequences :D
Anyways, I am finished rambling on! I can't wait for the next chapter!
Moo
Wow! Definitely my favorite chapter yet! As most of my criticism rolls onto this chapter and your work in general, I think its time for some well deserved praise!
First of all, I am so glad that their connection is clearly there but its not perfect yet. I love that there is still some discomfort in their exceedingly new relationship as there well should be! It just drives me crazy when relationships are perfect they day they are developed because that is simply NOT believable! Bravo!
Secondly, I am so pleased that you took Jasper out of his persona of near perfection to make him do something utterly stupid, such as trying to ride a bike with no vision! And at night to top it off! What a brilliant thing you did there. Because let's be honest with ourselves, when someone is struggling with the fact that they can no longer do everything on their own, especially things they excelled at, they are clearly going to test those boundries! And that is exactly what he's doing here! Not to mention that in this simple act, you have opened up so many opportune moments! This unlocks so many different reactions and emotions in just as many people! Ah, the joy of consequences :D
Anyways, I am finished rambling on! I can't wait for the next chapter!
Moo