for Don't Fall For The Players5/10/2010 c3 
59builtonbones
I lovelovelove this. Even though the playboy thing has become quite a cliche in more recent times to me, I love this. Colton with Raine is really adorable and I think that Raine herself is just precious. Sometimes when you write things like "You are" or whatever, I think it would flow better if it was "you're" but that's just my personal preference. I think though that Tenley in a way gives in too easily! And she's falling for his ways. I keep thinking that in the end Tenley is just going to get hurt, unintentionally or not. I'd love to hear more from Colton's POV and I can't wait for the next update!(:
59builtonbonesI lovelovelove this. Even though the playboy thing has become quite a cliche in more recent times to me, I love this. Colton with Raine is really adorable and I think that Raine herself is just precious. Sometimes when you write things like "You are" or whatever, I think it would flow better if it was "you're" but that's just my personal preference. I think though that Tenley in a way gives in too easily! And she's falling for his ways. I keep thinking that in the end Tenley is just going to get hurt, unintentionally or not. I'd love to hear more from Colton's POV and I can't wait for the next update!(:
5/10/2010 c3 Stretch19
the switch of POV was good because it gave an insight to Colton's life, he's not just the rich playboy. definitely loving his little sister Raine and their relationship, it's so sweet. bring on the drama! these first few chapters have done well to set up the story so far so keep writing i'm enjoying it a lot.
the switch of POV was good because it gave an insight to Colton's life, he's not just the rich playboy. definitely loving his little sister Raine and their relationship, it's so sweet. bring on the drama! these first few chapters have done well to set up the story so far so keep writing i'm enjoying it a lot.
5/10/2010 c3 Deleted123321
I really liked this chapter and the switching POV. Just for next chapter, could you write whose POV it is cause i was confused a couple if times ;) But ither than that i like it. (exept Riley, i hate her) Update soon :)
I really liked this chapter and the switching POV. Just for next chapter, could you write whose POV it is cause i was confused a couple if times ;) But ither than that i like it. (exept Riley, i hate her) Update soon :)
5/10/2010 c3 12Raised with Fangs
damn, ya leaving me hanging! update quickly, I want to know what happens next!
12Raised with Fangsdamn, ya leaving me hanging! update quickly, I want to know what happens next!
5/10/2010 c3 sdwinfreak
LOVE IT! I am in love with Raine... and Colton. HeHe! Thanks for sharing this- update soon. =)
LOVE IT! I am in love with Raine... and Colton. HeHe! Thanks for sharing this- update soon. =)
1/6/2010 c1 Siralie
This is definitely not bad, but I would recommend a few things. First of all, I'd have a beta or friend good with grammar check this over - you have a few mistakes that are annoying to read and easily fixable. Mostly just problems with your punctuation, some capitalization.
And the beginning of the chapter contains a lot of information that could be explained throughout the chapter in smaller bits - like explaining Max's adoption on the baseball field when talking to the team, or introducing Molly when we actually see her and explaining moving schools then. The beginning of the chapter should draw in the reader more - you can add all of that information later when the reader's already hooked.
I don't know what the characters are going to be like yet, but this seems like it might be a very cute romance. Keep updating, and I'll keep reading.
Best of luck,
Sira
This is definitely not bad, but I would recommend a few things. First of all, I'd have a beta or friend good with grammar check this over - you have a few mistakes that are annoying to read and easily fixable. Mostly just problems with your punctuation, some capitalization.
And the beginning of the chapter contains a lot of information that could be explained throughout the chapter in smaller bits - like explaining Max's adoption on the baseball field when talking to the team, or introducing Molly when we actually see her and explaining moving schools then. The beginning of the chapter should draw in the reader more - you can add all of that information later when the reader's already hooked.
I don't know what the characters are going to be like yet, but this seems like it might be a very cute romance. Keep updating, and I'll keep reading.
Best of luck,
Sira
1/6/2010 c1 10Koki Enwai
I like the characters. There were a few grammar mistakes here and there, and some infodumping, but that aside it's pretty good.
- Koki
10Koki EnwaiI like the characters. There were a few grammar mistakes here and there, and some infodumping, but that aside it's pretty good.
- Koki