for Until Death Do We Part6/6/2010 c1 
16Serendipitist Swan
Wow, I wish I could write chapters this long. I liked the part about angels thinking they were special because they had halos and wings. This was really interesting to read. Interesting in a good way, that is.
-Serendipitist (because Swan is just too girly)
16Serendipitist SwanWow, I wish I could write chapters this long. I liked the part about angels thinking they were special because they had halos and wings. This was really interesting to read. Interesting in a good way, that is.
-Serendipitist (because Swan is just too girly)
5/25/2010 c1 Broken Bird
This is very good! I really liked it! It sort of reminds me of another book, The Book Thief, that was from the viewpoint of Death. A few grammar mistakes here and there, but overall very good! Keep it up! ;)
This is very good! I really liked it! It sort of reminds me of another book, The Book Thief, that was from the viewpoint of Death. A few grammar mistakes here and there, but overall very good! Keep it up! ;)
2/13/2010 c1 7zombie chickens
I really like this story so far. Just the first chapter and I'm already hooked. Stories about death are always interesting, and I like that you're mixing it with this apocalyptic revelations theme. Very intriguing. There were just a few errors that I thought I should point out, nothing big.
'I suppose I will take this one of their hands.' -Off instead of 'of'. Don't you hate missing those typos?
'my patients was growing thin already,-Patience instead of 'patients'.
'Growing irritated as I have wasted to much time on this goose hunt already.' had instead of 'have'.
I thought I should comment that I've seen the show Dead Like me-and loved it- and I don't see many similarities between this besides the fact that it's about a female reaper. Anyway, great concept and great story, I'll definitely try to catch up on it.
7zombie chickensI really like this story so far. Just the first chapter and I'm already hooked. Stories about death are always interesting, and I like that you're mixing it with this apocalyptic revelations theme. Very intriguing. There were just a few errors that I thought I should point out, nothing big.
'I suppose I will take this one of their hands.' -Off instead of 'of'. Don't you hate missing those typos?
'my patients was growing thin already,-Patience instead of 'patients'.
'Growing irritated as I have wasted to much time on this goose hunt already.' had instead of 'have'.
I thought I should comment that I've seen the show Dead Like me-and loved it- and I don't see many similarities between this besides the fact that it's about a female reaper. Anyway, great concept and great story, I'll definitely try to catch up on it.
2/6/2010 c3 Palm Tree
I love Fate. XD Just saying.
Okay. Honestly, I was a bit confused at first because I thought Death was down at the subway playing a game with a vampire but we open here with him reading from the Bible. This is later explained as there having been a time-skip, but I think you could clear this up by changing the first line "It had been a week since my last encounter with a mysterious creature in the subway..." to "It had been a week since my encounter with THE mysterious creature in the subway...". But that's my only real piece of critique here. This chapter was so sadly short, but it did a great job of throwing out a plot, and I am gripped all the more. I'm also glad that Death has a name now, and that Fate is now identified as male? Pretty cool story you've got going here, and I do hope you update soon because I'm dying to know how Malach goes about ridding the streets of hell's spawn. ^^
I love Fate. XD Just saying.
Okay. Honestly, I was a bit confused at first because I thought Death was down at the subway playing a game with a vampire but we open here with him reading from the Bible. This is later explained as there having been a time-skip, but I think you could clear this up by changing the first line "It had been a week since my last encounter with a mysterious creature in the subway..." to "It had been a week since my encounter with THE mysterious creature in the subway...". But that's my only real piece of critique here. This chapter was so sadly short, but it did a great job of throwing out a plot, and I am gripped all the more. I'm also glad that Death has a name now, and that Fate is now identified as male? Pretty cool story you've got going here, and I do hope you update soon because I'm dying to know how Malach goes about ridding the streets of hell's spawn. ^^
2/3/2010 c3 12Caleb Kruspe
Okay, wow. I'm intrigued by what kind of job he'd have, and clearing the streets of hades creatures, I've got a notion that something big is gonna happen. Love the choice of weapons.
12Caleb KruspeOkay, wow. I'm intrigued by what kind of job he'd have, and clearing the streets of hades creatures, I've got a notion that something big is gonna happen. Love the choice of weapons.
2/3/2010 c3 99Dreamers-Requiem
Ah, things make a bit more sense now. I liked the use of the Book of Revelations, things with that always interest me. The only problem I found was that some of the formatting seems a bit messed up (fictionpress is a pain for that), like the line
experiencing a strange sensation,
that sensation of being watched,
where it seems there is a new paragraph for something that should be carried on from the last.
99Dreamers-RequiemAh, things make a bit more sense now. I liked the use of the Book of Revelations, things with that always interest me. The only problem I found was that some of the formatting seems a bit messed up (fictionpress is a pain for that), like the line
experiencing a strange sensation,
that sensation of being watched,
where it seems there is a new paragraph for something that should be carried on from the last.
1/27/2010 c2 Palm Tree
Oh~. Okay. I really like your Death because he's so laidback but not lazy...? If that makes any sense. He's numbed, I guess would be better, and I can't help but think that it's AWESOME. Thinking about it, the gore in both this chapter and the prologue was wonderful and I loved it because I have that demented violent side, you know. ;D So the bloodsucker is a vampire, right? And, if so, I do think that I love him all the same. He's such a cocky piece of work and, being my fangirl self, I'm already shipping the two. XD -shot-
I like how Fate's cards came into play by the chapter's end and, although it seemed to sort of cut off too soon, it has me eager for the next. I'm not sure where this will go but I'm definitely intrigued and I hope this story will be updated soon! -crosses fingers- X3
Oh~. Okay. I really like your Death because he's so laidback but not lazy...? If that makes any sense. He's numbed, I guess would be better, and I can't help but think that it's AWESOME. Thinking about it, the gore in both this chapter and the prologue was wonderful and I loved it because I have that demented violent side, you know. ;D So the bloodsucker is a vampire, right? And, if so, I do think that I love him all the same. He's such a cocky piece of work and, being my fangirl self, I'm already shipping the two. XD -shot-
I like how Fate's cards came into play by the chapter's end and, although it seemed to sort of cut off too soon, it has me eager for the next. I'm not sure where this will go but I'm definitely intrigued and I hope this story will be updated soon! -crosses fingers- X3
1/27/2010 c1 Palm Tree
OH. Excitement. 8] I'm not sure where this will lead but I really enjoyed reading it. Death's perspective is always interesting and your descriptions of the car crash and its possibile results were very well done. It all really connected well, and I thought it was pretty wicked how he just sucked the souls into the crystal ball and whatnot. I'm guessing from the AntiChrist comment and the mention of the book of Revelations that this will involve the rapture? Or whatever it's sometimes called. XD; If so, wow. Congratulations for tackling the subject, and if not I'm still just as interested. 83 I really, really liked Fate at the end, by the way. Your characterization of these two well known things is effective and right on in my opinion.
GOOD JOB! X3
OH. Excitement. 8] I'm not sure where this will lead but I really enjoyed reading it. Death's perspective is always interesting and your descriptions of the car crash and its possibile results were very well done. It all really connected well, and I thought it was pretty wicked how he just sucked the souls into the crystal ball and whatnot. I'm guessing from the AntiChrist comment and the mention of the book of Revelations that this will involve the rapture? Or whatever it's sometimes called. XD; If so, wow. Congratulations for tackling the subject, and if not I'm still just as interested. 83 I really, really liked Fate at the end, by the way. Your characterization of these two well known things is effective and right on in my opinion.
GOOD JOB! X3
1/18/2010 c2 12Caleb Kruspe
Dang this is good! What does a blank card mean? Now I'm itching to find out more cause you've peaked my curiosity.
side note; saw your post in the roadhouse bar, recrepicating the kindness :)
12Caleb KruspeDang this is good! What does a blank card mean? Now I'm itching to find out more cause you've peaked my curiosity.
side note; saw your post in the roadhouse bar, recrepicating the kindness :)
1/18/2010 c2 99Dreamers-Requiem
This just keeps getting more interesting - I like the introuduction of another creature, so to speak, especially with the mention of Angels in the first chapter. The dialogue here was quite good, too.
99Dreamers-RequiemThis just keeps getting more interesting - I like the introuduction of another creature, so to speak, especially with the mention of Angels in the first chapter. The dialogue here was quite good, too.
1/17/2010 c1 8A Silence in Winter
It's funny, I just got finished with a long talk with my boyfriend's father about the Rapture. Irony, eh?
One of your other reviewers already mentioned Dead Like Me. Again, I must say that I'm drawing parallels. However, these storylines aren't exactly linear. Both have differences that make them unique. Our main character was rather witty and took some of the heavy pain associated with death away. For us, the reader, that is. I'm sure those poor souls didn't find much comfort in her cold shoulder. D:
I'm curious to know who she is, who she works for, and where those souls are going. You gave us vague ideas. And yes, I'm one of those nosy readers who likes to know more than just "The Big Guy Upstairs." :) Although I won't hound for you more, I personally would like it.
One quick thing, I noticed that you used the word "chapped" excessively, always describing out heroine's lips. I would recommend using a thesaurus, rephrasing sentences, or finding another way to describe the toll of the cold.
If this is a prologue, I'm looking forward to seeing what the full story is going to be like. You've presented us with a lot of questions, especially the ones that Fate posed! Always a good thing when you're beginning a story! ^^
Keep the ball rolling would be my advice! I see you've got other works in progress, but this story hold a lot of potential. I would encourage you to explore that. Open up Pandora's box and see what's inside, m'dear. ;D
Overall, great start to your story! ^^ -Leigh from ze Roadhouse
8A Silence in WinterIt's funny, I just got finished with a long talk with my boyfriend's father about the Rapture. Irony, eh?
One of your other reviewers already mentioned Dead Like Me. Again, I must say that I'm drawing parallels. However, these storylines aren't exactly linear. Both have differences that make them unique. Our main character was rather witty and took some of the heavy pain associated with death away. For us, the reader, that is. I'm sure those poor souls didn't find much comfort in her cold shoulder. D:
I'm curious to know who she is, who she works for, and where those souls are going. You gave us vague ideas. And yes, I'm one of those nosy readers who likes to know more than just "The Big Guy Upstairs." :) Although I won't hound for you more, I personally would like it.
One quick thing, I noticed that you used the word "chapped" excessively, always describing out heroine's lips. I would recommend using a thesaurus, rephrasing sentences, or finding another way to describe the toll of the cold.
If this is a prologue, I'm looking forward to seeing what the full story is going to be like. You've presented us with a lot of questions, especially the ones that Fate posed! Always a good thing when you're beginning a story! ^^
Keep the ball rolling would be my advice! I see you've got other works in progress, but this story hold a lot of potential. I would encourage you to explore that. Open up Pandora's box and see what's inside, m'dear. ;D
Overall, great start to your story! ^^ -Leigh from ze Roadhouse
1/9/2010 c1 99Dreamers-Requiem
Have you ever seen Dead Like Me? Part of this reminded me of that.
Anyway, it's really good & I love the ideas behind it. Just one thing - there were a few spelling and grammar mistakes that I spotted. Such as 'wear house' should be warehouse. There were a couple of things like that but nothing too major. Can't wait to see more of this.
99Dreamers-RequiemHave you ever seen Dead Like Me? Part of this reminded me of that.
Anyway, it's really good & I love the ideas behind it. Just one thing - there were a few spelling and grammar mistakes that I spotted. Such as 'wear house' should be warehouse. There were a couple of things like that but nothing too major. Can't wait to see more of this.
1/8/2010 c1 WutNow
Here from Roadhouse!
I thought the concept is really interesting. I wonder what the cards play into the story. Maybe it reveals the images of the people who are to die? Soul collector of some sort or something haha. Overall, i thought you did a good job.
However, I'm a little confused every time you mention Angel. There is a description in there that said that the Angel was sitting on the narrator's shoulder? i'm sorry if I misread anything, but I just wanted to clear that up.
Oh, and there is this huge line in the beginning of the chapter that is a fragment. I thought it was too long and that you injected an overwhelming amount of info into a long sentence. Try to break things up- there's nothing wrong with shorter sentences. Overall, I am interested in how this story plays out :)
-Agent
Here from Roadhouse!
I thought the concept is really interesting. I wonder what the cards play into the story. Maybe it reveals the images of the people who are to die? Soul collector of some sort or something haha. Overall, i thought you did a good job.
However, I'm a little confused every time you mention Angel. There is a description in there that said that the Angel was sitting on the narrator's shoulder? i'm sorry if I misread anything, but I just wanted to clear that up.
Oh, and there is this huge line in the beginning of the chapter that is a fragment. I thought it was too long and that you injected an overwhelming amount of info into a long sentence. Try to break things up- there's nothing wrong with shorter sentences. Overall, I am interested in how this story plays out :)
-Agent