for Roses and Omens1/13/2010 c1 
3scripted
I can't believe you... You go on this whole thing telling me how you are NOT a murderous writer, how it's so, so silly of me to even mention that... And then the very first thing you go writing next is about this guy that dies because he is murdered XD
Well done with that XD *claps*
But, in all seriousness... Freaking hell that was incredible! Was a bit weird at first to read because your (old?) style was so different, and I kept expecting a little sarcastic comment to pop up, but my gosh you pulled off this genre!
It's an incredible prologue o.o
It opens with a beautifully written description of London (well done for setting it so well in 1526 too) which paints an amazingly clear picture in our minds - and also makes us feel the atmosphere really easily.
The description you introduce the Judge is also extremely well done. You get it all down without over-doing it, and you really give us a brilliant insight into his life ^^
Like how easily he would bend his morals to get some money, and how he could easily find that humours. Also, you sum up the morals of the people around him too – at how quickly they can make a joke at the expense of poor Thomas, and the lack of guilt they feel from doing so.
“How romantic” for killing your husband to run off with somebody else… xPP So…so twisted xPP (Personally, I’d be happy with chocolates and flowers, but maybe I’m just simple with that). But it’s also so brilliant in subtly giving us an idea of how they think ^^
And then his death was absolutely brilliantly written and described ^^ Yes it makes you an incredibly murderous and frankly creepy person, but as far as a writer goes it makes you fantastic :DD
So much to comment on .
O! One of the best lines (there were loads, so can I just quote one please?) was
“The goblet tumbled from his clumsy fingers to clatter loudly on the flagstones, causing the wine to spill and pool in a crimson puddle on the stone.”
3scriptedI can't believe you... You go on this whole thing telling me how you are NOT a murderous writer, how it's so, so silly of me to even mention that... And then the very first thing you go writing next is about this guy that dies because he is murdered XD
Well done with that XD *claps*
But, in all seriousness... Freaking hell that was incredible! Was a bit weird at first to read because your (old?) style was so different, and I kept expecting a little sarcastic comment to pop up, but my gosh you pulled off this genre!
It's an incredible prologue o.o
It opens with a beautifully written description of London (well done for setting it so well in 1526 too) which paints an amazingly clear picture in our minds - and also makes us feel the atmosphere really easily.
The description you introduce the Judge is also extremely well done. You get it all down without over-doing it, and you really give us a brilliant insight into his life ^^
Like how easily he would bend his morals to get some money, and how he could easily find that humours. Also, you sum up the morals of the people around him too – at how quickly they can make a joke at the expense of poor Thomas, and the lack of guilt they feel from doing so.
“How romantic” for killing your husband to run off with somebody else… xPP So…so twisted xPP (Personally, I’d be happy with chocolates and flowers, but maybe I’m just simple with that). But it’s also so brilliant in subtly giving us an idea of how they think ^^
And then his death was absolutely brilliantly written and described ^^ Yes it makes you an incredibly murderous and frankly creepy person, but as far as a writer goes it makes you fantastic :DD
So much to comment on .
O! One of the best lines (there were loads, so can I just quote one please?) was
“The goblet tumbled from his clumsy fingers to clatter loudly on the flagstones, causing the wine to spill and pool in a crimson puddle on the stone.”
1/10/2010 c1 1RetardedChicken
Wow, I love the beginning, great description I could really imagine it proparly. Great writing and brilliant prologue, UPDATE SOON PWEASE!
1RetardedChickenWow, I love the beginning, great description I could really imagine it proparly. Great writing and brilliant prologue, UPDATE SOON PWEASE!
1/9/2010 c1 WutNow
Here from Roadhouse!
I just want to make a quick suggestion before I start off my review. I recommend placing the Author's Note in the end of the chapter instead of the beginning. It kind of distracts the readers (just a suggestion lol). Anyway, moving on...
First of all, I just wanted to say that your prologue (or first chapter) is very strong. There weren't any mistakes I have seen, with an exempt of this sentence, which is minor: "Metals [Metal] coins jangled [jingled] inside and his audience laughed appreciatively."
I also liked how you incorporated the old England dialect in there- formal and stuff like that. Great way executing the lovely scenery in the beginning, and then transitioning it to the tragic end of the Judge. In all honesty, I believe the Judge deserved it. Has he no guilt? I would, too, slit his throat if I knew his judging was predetermined by payment. I also liked the cliffhanger, which was well done.
I usually write positives before the improvements, but I don't find anything about the chapter that needed tweaking. Hm... maybe it would have been nice if you added a nice description of the Judge. Is he rich? Fat? Beard? Well, it's obvious he was snobby lol. Overall, fascinating job!
-Agent.Frappuccino
Here from Roadhouse!
I just want to make a quick suggestion before I start off my review. I recommend placing the Author's Note in the end of the chapter instead of the beginning. It kind of distracts the readers (just a suggestion lol). Anyway, moving on...
First of all, I just wanted to say that your prologue (or first chapter) is very strong. There weren't any mistakes I have seen, with an exempt of this sentence, which is minor: "Metals [Metal] coins jangled [jingled] inside and his audience laughed appreciatively."
I also liked how you incorporated the old England dialect in there- formal and stuff like that. Great way executing the lovely scenery in the beginning, and then transitioning it to the tragic end of the Judge. In all honesty, I believe the Judge deserved it. Has he no guilt? I would, too, slit his throat if I knew his judging was predetermined by payment. I also liked the cliffhanger, which was well done.
I usually write positives before the improvements, but I don't find anything about the chapter that needed tweaking. Hm... maybe it would have been nice if you added a nice description of the Judge. Is he rich? Fat? Beard? Well, it's obvious he was snobby lol. Overall, fascinating job!
-Agent.Frappuccino
1/9/2010 c1 1soojinyeh
The descriptions are very vivid; I like how I can see little pictures in my head of the scenery and what's going on. And at the same time it doesn't go overboard or make it sound corny.
"Metals coins jangled inside"-You mean "metal" coins, singular.
I also like how you keep in very vague as to what had happened-that is, he'd been poisoned by an assassin-until you'd finished the description of the scene. The fact you just refer to the characters as "the Judge" and "the Assassin" gives it a nice touch of mystery. It's done very poetically, in a really poignant way.
I'm interested; you're very good. I'd like to see what happens next.
1soojinyehThe descriptions are very vivid; I like how I can see little pictures in my head of the scenery and what's going on. And at the same time it doesn't go overboard or make it sound corny.
"Metals coins jangled inside"-You mean "metal" coins, singular.
I also like how you keep in very vague as to what had happened-that is, he'd been poisoned by an assassin-until you'd finished the description of the scene. The fact you just refer to the characters as "the Judge" and "the Assassin" gives it a nice touch of mystery. It's done very poetically, in a really poignant way.
I'm interested; you're very good. I'd like to see what happens next.
1/9/2010 c1 4lookingwest
I like your beginning because you describe a wonderful scene with the festival and the imagery is great, you really set the scene up well.
I also like the character you develop with the girl because you add in an interesting dynamic using the Judge as sort of the villain and then switching it when the "Assassin" appears. I think in that respect, you also did a solid job in introducing your plot.
This is a good beginning, substantial, I think, for a prolouge. Love to see more.
4lookingwestI like your beginning because you describe a wonderful scene with the festival and the imagery is great, you really set the scene up well.
I also like the character you develop with the girl because you add in an interesting dynamic using the Judge as sort of the villain and then switching it when the "Assassin" appears. I think in that respect, you also did a solid job in introducing your plot.
This is a good beginning, substantial, I think, for a prolouge. Love to see more.
1/9/2010 c1 6ephemeral dance
Welcome to the Roadhouse- and congrats on posting such a solid prologue to set off what is sure to be a strong story to boast as your first! Lots of authors on here take quite a bit of time to learn and grow, but this prologue was seamless, flawless, neat, and clean. Technically, there were no mistakes that I caught, the description of the festivities in the beginning was great, and you packed so much intrigue and mystery in the last few paragraphs without it feeling rushed at all! Good job; alert'd and thank you for sharing!
6ephemeral danceWelcome to the Roadhouse- and congrats on posting such a solid prologue to set off what is sure to be a strong story to boast as your first! Lots of authors on here take quite a bit of time to learn and grow, but this prologue was seamless, flawless, neat, and clean. Technically, there were no mistakes that I caught, the description of the festivities in the beginning was great, and you packed so much intrigue and mystery in the last few paragraphs without it feeling rushed at all! Good job; alert'd and thank you for sharing!