for Howl A Melody To My Heart New10/6/2011 c2 Grammar Police
"Hello I'm Kiran and I will be your waiter today", WAITHER, that should be waitress, another typo. But this is still a good story so far. Just be careful about typos, cause I will always want to correct them.
"Hello I'm Kiran and I will be your waiter today", WAITHER, that should be waitress, another typo. But this is still a good story so far. Just be careful about typos, cause I will always want to correct them.
10/6/2011 c1 Grammar Police
"Little did the werewolf know that, they killed his wife?" Why did you put a question mark there, you should know that typos cannot be accepted by many.
"Little did the werewolf know that, they killed his wife?" Why did you put a question mark there, you should know that typos cannot be accepted by many.
10/3/2011 c7 HERsheKISSxoxo
I love this story...i cant wait for Kiran and Ace's relationship to get even deeper. I'm hoping the other girl wolves are ok, and i wonder if Kiran's dad will show up to the fight? :) cant wait for the next installment!
I love this story...i cant wait for Kiran and Ace's relationship to get even deeper. I'm hoping the other girl wolves are ok, and i wonder if Kiran's dad will show up to the fight? :) cant wait for the next installment!
6/24/2010 c7 horse4ever
Please write more it's so good.
Why did you suddenly stop continuing on this story?
Please.
Thanks
Please write more it's so good.
Why did you suddenly stop continuing on this story?
Please.
Thanks
3/14/2010 c6 
1xXliarliarXx
Love the story! Update soon! :D
Check out my supernatural/romance story When The Sun Goes Down.
1xXliarliarXxLove the story! Update soon! :D
Check out my supernatural/romance story When The Sun Goes Down.
1/31/2010 c6 Sonyashinto
well i can see that this story has some potential. The story has a interesting plot, the only thing is that information seems to be scattered everywhere. Also some reference that is mentioned earlyer is changed later on, like at first you said that she lived in a shabby apartment where rats crawl around because she is living on a waitresses pay, so i don't think that she would be able to afford having a pickup truck as it is a gas guzzalor and to have a Kawasaki Ninja bike, it doesn't make any sense.
Then with the female pack that had been slain in the forrest, after the attack Kiran goes back sees them dead and buries the pack. But then later you have a reference that a male wolf went to see what was left and saw that the pack was dead but Kirans mother wasn't among them which makes me assume that now only Kiran's mother was buried. Then when her father comes around he says that he went to the area and saw tombs in front of the houses, you never mentioned before of there being any houses, we'd assume that they lived in the forest, not inside a house, and if there was houses Kiran could have just stayed there.
Then there's that chapter where she goes to sleep with the little girl Nana and her mother in her apartment's guest room but then wakes up to her own bitten female pack waking her up. When i believe in the beginning you said that she was the alone, and worked at a diner as a living. You can't just put the pack came out of no where and needs her help. First off as she is the alpha of her pack she would continually see them through out the day as the alpha makes sure that everything is going good and to give them order.
The last thing is that after robin was attacked and Kiran kicked robins ex out and he was eaten/killed by the bear, and then there was the report that went out saying that there was wild animal attack and that they were handling it. So with that warning the wolves would probably be getting attacked not just by the werewolf hunters(which haven't been seen since the beginning of all this)but also by the forest rangers of the area, if this town is surrounded by forest.
oh one more thing, the flash backs should be fixed around, it's starting to seem more like a premonition as right after she has a flash back she meets or sees someone from that flash back. instead put a dialog in there, someone asking a question and Kiran telling them what happened. The killing of the rouge pack seem to have been a filler and didn't help or do anything for the story except show that they killed a male rouge pack.
Now please don't think i'm dissing on this story, i'm not. i'm trying to help by pointing out your flaws with this story. Like i said in the beginning i think this story has some great potential, it just has to get sorted out and reestablished.
I'll be looking forward to your next update.
Ja-Ne =^_^=
well i can see that this story has some potential. The story has a interesting plot, the only thing is that information seems to be scattered everywhere. Also some reference that is mentioned earlyer is changed later on, like at first you said that she lived in a shabby apartment where rats crawl around because she is living on a waitresses pay, so i don't think that she would be able to afford having a pickup truck as it is a gas guzzalor and to have a Kawasaki Ninja bike, it doesn't make any sense.
Then with the female pack that had been slain in the forrest, after the attack Kiran goes back sees them dead and buries the pack. But then later you have a reference that a male wolf went to see what was left and saw that the pack was dead but Kirans mother wasn't among them which makes me assume that now only Kiran's mother was buried. Then when her father comes around he says that he went to the area and saw tombs in front of the houses, you never mentioned before of there being any houses, we'd assume that they lived in the forest, not inside a house, and if there was houses Kiran could have just stayed there.
Then there's that chapter where she goes to sleep with the little girl Nana and her mother in her apartment's guest room but then wakes up to her own bitten female pack waking her up. When i believe in the beginning you said that she was the alone, and worked at a diner as a living. You can't just put the pack came out of no where and needs her help. First off as she is the alpha of her pack she would continually see them through out the day as the alpha makes sure that everything is going good and to give them order.
The last thing is that after robin was attacked and Kiran kicked robins ex out and he was eaten/killed by the bear, and then there was the report that went out saying that there was wild animal attack and that they were handling it. So with that warning the wolves would probably be getting attacked not just by the werewolf hunters(which haven't been seen since the beginning of all this)but also by the forest rangers of the area, if this town is surrounded by forest.
oh one more thing, the flash backs should be fixed around, it's starting to seem more like a premonition as right after she has a flash back she meets or sees someone from that flash back. instead put a dialog in there, someone asking a question and Kiran telling them what happened. The killing of the rouge pack seem to have been a filler and didn't help or do anything for the story except show that they killed a male rouge pack.
Now please don't think i'm dissing on this story, i'm not. i'm trying to help by pointing out your flaws with this story. Like i said in the beginning i think this story has some great potential, it just has to get sorted out and reestablished.
I'll be looking forward to your next update.
Ja-Ne =^_^=
1/19/2010 c1 2DianaSweetie
SORRY!, I hadn’t really had time to review it. I wasn’t really complaining about ur first story but I’m glad u re-wrote it :D I’m looking forward to reading the rest. Keep it up!
2DianaSweetieSORRY!, I hadn’t really had time to review it. I wasn’t really complaining about ur first story but I’m glad u re-wrote it :D I’m looking forward to reading the rest. Keep it up!
1/11/2010 c2 CoryD
Much better story so far! I knew it had potential or else I wouldn't have bothered to review. Kudos to you for taking the criticism, redoing it, and doing a good job.
There are some minor spelling and grammar issues. I also think as you write more the style and flow will continue to improve. But this is a pretty dramatic transformation of the story - very much improved!
Now redo that summary. That would really help draw more readers. It runs on, has grammar and spelling issues - and honestly if I hadn't been out of books to read the night I ran across it the first time it I would have skipped over it as it really has no draw.
Much better story so far! I knew it had potential or else I wouldn't have bothered to review. Kudos to you for taking the criticism, redoing it, and doing a good job.
There are some minor spelling and grammar issues. I also think as you write more the style and flow will continue to improve. But this is a pretty dramatic transformation of the story - very much improved!
Now redo that summary. That would really help draw more readers. It runs on, has grammar and spelling issues - and honestly if I hadn't been out of books to read the night I ran across it the first time it I would have skipped over it as it really has no draw.