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for A Hearts Lament

5/19/2011 c1 119SomeRandomScribbles
Great piece! I really love the story behind this, and how you express it using the imagery of a cold night. Your descriptions are really beautiful - I loved the lines: "A heart that is split asunder/ Cares not for winters sting". However, I did feel that while created a cold atmosphere very well, you used the word cold itself too often in doing this.

Another thing that would help this piece would be to have another look at punctuation. A few more commas/hypens/semi-colons would help the reading, and a few essential apostrophes have been missed out.

I really love your final two lines - so definite and chilling :)
1/18/2010 c1 8Lea Ai
Oh wow...I was not expecting that ending!

This was beautifully written. I enjoyed the imagery-you captured the feeling of being cold both emotionally and physically wonderfully.

I loved this section:

A heart that is split asunder

Cares not for winters sting

Nor seeks it for loves sweet plunder

And the joys which that could bring.

Great job!

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