for Just Smile and Nod6/9/2015 c22 
2Yannick
Read this all in one sitting, although to be honest I'm not sure why I did. You write well, despite the large amounts of grammatical errors and misuse of 'whom' in 22 chapters.
But here's the problem I have, and it might just be me. The characters aren't real, their quest for outing the wrong is over the top, if two high schoolers could oust the corrupt in their society, corruption wouldn't exist anymore.
I feel as though you don't really understand psychological diseases. It works a lot differently. You don't just get ticks and start hating everyone (oversimplification), despite residual anger towards others, more often than not, those suffering mental health, and especially victims of traumatic experiences are bound to blame themselves and look inwardly.
I'm sure you've researched this before, but not enough. It would be nice to have a story that represents sufferers in a clear light showing both good and bad sides. You also seem to rant/ramble a little. If you have time it would be good to edit the story afterwards and keep only the essential things. You would have a much better story if you focused on only the important 75% of your work.
Keep at it, hope this review was constructive. Feel free to contact me, if you'd like to ask anything.
2YannickRead this all in one sitting, although to be honest I'm not sure why I did. You write well, despite the large amounts of grammatical errors and misuse of 'whom' in 22 chapters.
But here's the problem I have, and it might just be me. The characters aren't real, their quest for outing the wrong is over the top, if two high schoolers could oust the corrupt in their society, corruption wouldn't exist anymore.
I feel as though you don't really understand psychological diseases. It works a lot differently. You don't just get ticks and start hating everyone (oversimplification), despite residual anger towards others, more often than not, those suffering mental health, and especially victims of traumatic experiences are bound to blame themselves and look inwardly.
I'm sure you've researched this before, but not enough. It would be nice to have a story that represents sufferers in a clear light showing both good and bad sides. You also seem to rant/ramble a little. If you have time it would be good to edit the story afterwards and keep only the essential things. You would have a much better story if you focused on only the important 75% of your work.
Keep at it, hope this review was constructive. Feel free to contact me, if you'd like to ask anything.
6/6/2015 c22 random person
Good book, I need more!
Good book, I need more!
6/6/2015 c21 yaraaaa
YAY! I can't wait to see what happens next on the next chapter! This was a very interesting chapter to be honest and I liked it very much! See you tmrw!
YAY! I can't wait to see what happens next on the next chapter! This was a very interesting chapter to be honest and I liked it very much! See you tmrw!
6/6/2015 c21 A
A lot has happened in this chapter ! I never really believed Hayden would go for the small fry like the students. And finally you reveal his true intentions. Can't wait for the next !
A lot has happened in this chapter ! I never really believed Hayden would go for the small fry like the students. And finally you reveal his true intentions. Can't wait for the next !
6/8/2015 c22 3KimberleyStrawberryMacarons
YEP TOTALLY!
ewww what will she DO after he does that!?
please update really soon! :D
3KimberleyStrawberryMacaronsYEP TOTALLY!
ewww what will she DO after he does that!?
please update really soon! :D
6/6/2015 c21 Cary
WHOO! CHAPTER TOMORROW! :D
WHOO! CHAPTER TOMORROW! :D
6/7/2015 c22 BritBookWorm
Just to warn you, this is going to be a fairly long review. I absolutely love this story! I only began reading it today and it's safe to say that I am hooked. I am ashamed to say that I began to read the first chapter thinking that it was going to be a light read and another 'oh woe is me, nobody understands me' kind of fic. But you blew that belief away within the first 3 descriptions of the world and reality Alys (great name by the way) has created stands to be both astounding and realistic in equal measure. The character is purely fascinating and I am sure that the chapters could be just as entertaining if they consisted of only Alys's thoughts. Hayden is also a strong lead and diverse character, his growing concern of Alys is interesting and refreshing in its seemingly unromantic nature as I believe often authors rush the development of attraction against the reason of basic compassion.
There are so many good things I could say about your writing but I am struggling to write them all down so I've approached it like I do in my English Lit essays and decided to pick out my favourite quote. My favourite has to be "You're a wolf, I'm a wolf. There are many wolves. But even more sheep." A very powerful line and I felt I had to read a few more times just for the effect to sink in. I also love your use of 'glacier' to describe Hayden's eyes as it manages to create the image of both achingly cold and hard in equal measure.
And now onto the mysteries of their pasts, you terrible human being (only joking) But seriously, I can't take it. Why her father? What did he do? What did her mother do? Why did that woman have tears in her eyes and why did she immediately recognise her? Why are Hayden and his uncle so estranged? How will she react to the kiss? I need to know! I can't take the tension.
Anyway, as I said before I love this story and am waiting eagerly for the next chapter.
Just to warn you, this is going to be a fairly long review. I absolutely love this story! I only began reading it today and it's safe to say that I am hooked. I am ashamed to say that I began to read the first chapter thinking that it was going to be a light read and another 'oh woe is me, nobody understands me' kind of fic. But you blew that belief away within the first 3 descriptions of the world and reality Alys (great name by the way) has created stands to be both astounding and realistic in equal measure. The character is purely fascinating and I am sure that the chapters could be just as entertaining if they consisted of only Alys's thoughts. Hayden is also a strong lead and diverse character, his growing concern of Alys is interesting and refreshing in its seemingly unromantic nature as I believe often authors rush the development of attraction against the reason of basic compassion.
There are so many good things I could say about your writing but I am struggling to write them all down so I've approached it like I do in my English Lit essays and decided to pick out my favourite quote. My favourite has to be "You're a wolf, I'm a wolf. There are many wolves. But even more sheep." A very powerful line and I felt I had to read a few more times just for the effect to sink in. I also love your use of 'glacier' to describe Hayden's eyes as it manages to create the image of both achingly cold and hard in equal measure.
And now onto the mysteries of their pasts, you terrible human being (only joking) But seriously, I can't take it. Why her father? What did he do? What did her mother do? Why did that woman have tears in her eyes and why did she immediately recognise her? Why are Hayden and his uncle so estranged? How will she react to the kiss? I need to know! I can't take the tension.
Anyway, as I said before I love this story and am waiting eagerly for the next chapter.
6/7/2015 c21 69Shadowswept
This was a wonderful chapter with so much information! I did not expect Hayden's living situation at all. No wonder he acts so much more adult than the other kids at school. It's not just his intelligence and temperament setting him apart. He's had to grow up faster than his peers. I love how you are revealing things about these characters in increments rather than as one big reveal. We've gotten tantalizing glimpses into both their pasts. The tears in the woman's eyes when she saw Alys indicate that she was a victim in some way to inspire such sympathy.
I'm intrigued about the intensity of Hayden's anger over the intentions of the sleazy man who approached Alys. He said himself that he was livid. But he softened toward her very quickly, and that is telling. He does have some compassion, at least for her. He was a lost kid in the past who learned to adapt, and I think that's why he feels a connection to Alys. At least that's my perception of it. I like how you introduced that aspect of his character with the addition of Randal. And that was a fun bit of humor with her comment about being let out of the basement. Also, very sly to have Randal remark that she's pretty rather than having Hayden say it. Clever writing in every way.
I found one mistake where you wrote you can me my lawyer too. I think you meant be my lawyer. It's when Alys is arguing with Hayden about what happened with the man who approached her.
I'll have to log out to review the next chapter, since I couldn't wait last night.
69ShadowsweptThis was a wonderful chapter with so much information! I did not expect Hayden's living situation at all. No wonder he acts so much more adult than the other kids at school. It's not just his intelligence and temperament setting him apart. He's had to grow up faster than his peers. I love how you are revealing things about these characters in increments rather than as one big reveal. We've gotten tantalizing glimpses into both their pasts. The tears in the woman's eyes when she saw Alys indicate that she was a victim in some way to inspire such sympathy.
I'm intrigued about the intensity of Hayden's anger over the intentions of the sleazy man who approached Alys. He said himself that he was livid. But he softened toward her very quickly, and that is telling. He does have some compassion, at least for her. He was a lost kid in the past who learned to adapt, and I think that's why he feels a connection to Alys. At least that's my perception of it. I like how you introduced that aspect of his character with the addition of Randal. And that was a fun bit of humor with her comment about being let out of the basement. Also, very sly to have Randal remark that she's pretty rather than having Hayden say it. Clever writing in every way.
I found one mistake where you wrote you can me my lawyer too. I think you meant be my lawyer. It's when Alys is arguing with Hayden about what happened with the man who approached her.
I'll have to log out to review the next chapter, since I couldn't wait last night.
6/7/2015 c22 LetMeWonder
Woah. I wonder if he actually has something for her...? Thanks for updating!
Woah. I wonder if he actually has something for her...? Thanks for updating!
6/7/2015 c22 Marie Starr
Woo, first kiss! Not how I imagined it but oh well. Hopefully, the training is effective. Looking forward to the drama!
Woo, first kiss! Not how I imagined it but oh well. Hopefully, the training is effective. Looking forward to the drama!
6/6/2015 c22 Shadowswept
Oh my goodness, I can't even think right now!
I wanted to wait and review each chapter after I gathered my thoughts, but I'm too excited. Well, you really threw me for a loop with this one. I had written this off as never happening, because you kept sidestepping it. And then you surprise me with it when I least expect it. That Hayden is wily. His every move is so calculated that I'm not sure how much of this is just part of his plan, and if any of it has anything to do with his feelings.
Yeah, that's a hell of a cliffhanger! I will review with more care tomorrow, but this story is just so freaking awesome!
There is so much more to say about both chapters. Goodnight for now, and thanks for the great read!
Oh my goodness, I can't even think right now!
I wanted to wait and review each chapter after I gathered my thoughts, but I'm too excited. Well, you really threw me for a loop with this one. I had written this off as never happening, because you kept sidestepping it. And then you surprise me with it when I least expect it. That Hayden is wily. His every move is so calculated that I'm not sure how much of this is just part of his plan, and if any of it has anything to do with his feelings.
Yeah, that's a hell of a cliffhanger! I will review with more care tomorrow, but this story is just so freaking awesome!
There is so much more to say about both chapters. Goodnight for now, and thanks for the great read!
6/6/2015 c21 Marie Starr
I was so scared that Hayden would lash out on her for the mess up but at least he relented but this is just making me want to know her past even more! I will wait in anticipation for it though. Looking forward to the next update!
I was so scared that Hayden would lash out on her for the mess up but at least he relented but this is just making me want to know her past even more! I will wait in anticipation for it though. Looking forward to the next update!
5/31/2015 c20 A
Yay! 2 chapters ! Best Sunday !
Yay! 2 chapters ! Best Sunday !
6/1/2015 c20 Shadowswept
I'm so, so curious about both their pasts. I suspected that Alys's father might be the culprit, but I'm still not sure what happened. I can't even hazard a guess for Hayden. He came to his uncle for help, and the only real suspicion I have of him is doubt about his identity and why he's Hayden's guardian. The drastic change in his career also tells me that something significant happened in his life. I'm wondering about Hayden's parents. I'll have to go back in the story to look for clues.
This is a powerful chapter with the silent communication between Alys and Hayden, and also her reaction to it. Her observations remind me a little of Sherlock. I love how she concluded that the guy was a fraud. And Hayden's strategic positioning Alys in his line of sight was another of those interesting details that make his character fascinating. I'm very excited about this mysterious date, but I have no idea what to expect.
I'm so, so curious about both their pasts. I suspected that Alys's father might be the culprit, but I'm still not sure what happened. I can't even hazard a guess for Hayden. He came to his uncle for help, and the only real suspicion I have of him is doubt about his identity and why he's Hayden's guardian. The drastic change in his career also tells me that something significant happened in his life. I'm wondering about Hayden's parents. I'll have to go back in the story to look for clues.
This is a powerful chapter with the silent communication between Alys and Hayden, and also her reaction to it. Her observations remind me a little of Sherlock. I love how she concluded that the guy was a fraud. And Hayden's strategic positioning Alys in his line of sight was another of those interesting details that make his character fascinating. I'm very excited about this mysterious date, but I have no idea what to expect.