for Just Smile and Nod7/25/2014 c11 
3CelestialNympho
OhwMyF***
This is some really really really good shtuff. I've been following your story for a while now, but I don't remember reviewing it. When I read the A/N of this chapter however, i felt I should definitely make it clear to you that I'm one more person to the number of people that totally enjoy your story, just the way it is -That Bruno reference though-.
It's actually the main thing that struck when reading the story. It's real and so much more. Your story often strikes me as darkly poetic. The drawings, even though I can totally picture myself how they look and how it brings forward what eyes don't get to see -usually then- I can't imagine someone being able to bring those drawings on actual paper, as in an actual drawing, for me the drawing are the words you use if that even makes sense -?-. Your words show me the drawings, how actual drawings won't be able to catch.
And the character, she comes over dark to some people, I however don't feel she is extremely depressed, it just seems like she sees and knows more than 'normal' people tend to know or see. And knowledge is pain. She's observant and different to other stories taking place at high schools, this one has extreme depth, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about as you're the one to create that magic, it just stuns me everything I get to read an update.
I love the character and her observations, it feels like this whole 'depth' is opening up to me. Even when I'm not feeling the disgust towards the others as strongly as Alys does, I totally understand her, which makes me kind of Karri, I guess.
The imperfections of the characters are what makes this story so perfect. It's different, it's dark but enlightening, It's contradictions in one and it all makes sense together.
This is getting way too long. But I had to catch up with 11 chapters, and I still don't feel I got to say how much and what I actually love. I just do, kay?
3CelestialNymphoOhwMyF***
This is some really really really good shtuff. I've been following your story for a while now, but I don't remember reviewing it. When I read the A/N of this chapter however, i felt I should definitely make it clear to you that I'm one more person to the number of people that totally enjoy your story, just the way it is -That Bruno reference though-.
It's actually the main thing that struck when reading the story. It's real and so much more. Your story often strikes me as darkly poetic. The drawings, even though I can totally picture myself how they look and how it brings forward what eyes don't get to see -usually then- I can't imagine someone being able to bring those drawings on actual paper, as in an actual drawing, for me the drawing are the words you use if that even makes sense -?-. Your words show me the drawings, how actual drawings won't be able to catch.
And the character, she comes over dark to some people, I however don't feel she is extremely depressed, it just seems like she sees and knows more than 'normal' people tend to know or see. And knowledge is pain. She's observant and different to other stories taking place at high schools, this one has extreme depth, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about as you're the one to create that magic, it just stuns me everything I get to read an update.
I love the character and her observations, it feels like this whole 'depth' is opening up to me. Even when I'm not feeling the disgust towards the others as strongly as Alys does, I totally understand her, which makes me kind of Karri, I guess.
The imperfections of the characters are what makes this story so perfect. It's different, it's dark but enlightening, It's contradictions in one and it all makes sense together.
This is getting way too long. But I had to catch up with 11 chapters, and I still don't feel I got to say how much and what I actually love. I just do, kay?
7/24/2014 c10 BethXXXRocks
Okay, firstly, wow. Your description was fun… but I LOVE how it doesn’t give away the awesomeness of your plot line. It’s so simple, so innocent. It doesn’t give away the pure amazing insanity of the story. This is seriously my all-time favorite novel so far, and it’s not even halfway through. I love your writing; it is absolutely breathtaking to read through some of your passages and descriptions. I love how you explain drawings, please realize it is not every day that you come across such a talented author who can describe an odd, surreal and extraordinary drawing… in words alone. And not only that- but I know exactly what it looks like- I can see it so clearly. I’m able to look at all her art without actually seeing it. You truly are talented.
Where did you come up with this plot line idea? I can’t even fathom what’s going to happen… but with how you have handled every chapter before this- I have a feeling this is going to be something on a whole new level, something that even published writers would kill for.
Please keep updating!
Okay, firstly, wow. Your description was fun… but I LOVE how it doesn’t give away the awesomeness of your plot line. It’s so simple, so innocent. It doesn’t give away the pure amazing insanity of the story. This is seriously my all-time favorite novel so far, and it’s not even halfway through. I love your writing; it is absolutely breathtaking to read through some of your passages and descriptions. I love how you explain drawings, please realize it is not every day that you come across such a talented author who can describe an odd, surreal and extraordinary drawing… in words alone. And not only that- but I know exactly what it looks like- I can see it so clearly. I’m able to look at all her art without actually seeing it. You truly are talented.
Where did you come up with this plot line idea? I can’t even fathom what’s going to happen… but with how you have handled every chapter before this- I have a feeling this is going to be something on a whole new level, something that even published writers would kill for.
Please keep updating!
7/23/2014 c10 Guest
Pleeeeeease update really soon...you have a lot of reviewers who would love quicker updates :D
Pleeeeeease update really soon...you have a lot of reviewers who would love quicker updates :D
7/20/2014 c10 justanordinarywriter
Wow, this is a really interesting story. Hopefully you'll update soon!
Wow, this is a really interesting story. Hopefully you'll update soon!
7/19/2014 c10 Lady Morighan
This story is really unique, really glad I found it and I can't wait for next chapter!
This story is really unique, really glad I found it and I can't wait for next chapter!
7/19/2014 c10 Guest
OH. MY. GOSH.
THIS IS SO AMAZING!
Your story is amazing but your fantastic writing polishes it perfectly. Every scene seems vivid and real and so does every emotion and thought which you manage to portray in amazing depth. Perfect. Everything. Please update quickly!
OH. MY. GOSH.
THIS IS SO AMAZING!
Your story is amazing but your fantastic writing polishes it perfectly. Every scene seems vivid and real and so does every emotion and thought which you manage to portray in amazing depth. Perfect. Everything. Please update quickly!
7/18/2014 c10 Guest
Wow, I'm stunned! I didn't expect that at all. Poor Karri! I want terrible things to happen to Jackson, and now I want those rotten girls to pay. Alys's drama with her mom is making me suspect what the crime was, but I'm not sure yet. At least the woman finally showed that she cares about her daughter, even though she's still in denial about the past. This chapter really showed how much Alys is still suffering. I feel so bad for her. Ever since I began reading this story, I've tried to imagine how it will be when Hayden finds her journal. You have made him so enigmatic that I can't foresee it at all. Now I'm kind of scared about it, because she's in such a fragile state. I'll definitely be back to read more when you post the next chapter. I'm very anxious to find out what will happen next.
Wow, I'm stunned! I didn't expect that at all. Poor Karri! I want terrible things to happen to Jackson, and now I want those rotten girls to pay. Alys's drama with her mom is making me suspect what the crime was, but I'm not sure yet. At least the woman finally showed that she cares about her daughter, even though she's still in denial about the past. This chapter really showed how much Alys is still suffering. I feel so bad for her. Ever since I began reading this story, I've tried to imagine how it will be when Hayden finds her journal. You have made him so enigmatic that I can't foresee it at all. Now I'm kind of scared about it, because she's in such a fragile state. I'll definitely be back to read more when you post the next chapter. I'm very anxious to find out what will happen next.
7/19/2014 c10 1Tash B
I dont know what to say. You have completely floored me and left me speechless. I cant believe i am only just finding this story now, your in depth writing and perception, your characterisation and mystery, your patience and slow but sure and steady plot build is extra ordinarily amazing.
When i read the summary i was like "ok this doesnt seem half bad" and then when i started reading i realised that you were strengthening the story by sort of steadying the base and giving us a proper understanding of Alys and yet still leaving us wondering exactly who she is.
Every chapter leaves you with more questions than you had before reading and that deserves great respect, do i sense the next Agatha Christi e? On a serious note though, i love how you unearth the hidden flaws in the false pretenses of perfection, i think thats what makes me love this the most.
I cant believe Karri has been expelled that is unfair, she didnt deserve it and i guess im worried about Alys' reaction to that because its not like her psyche is in the best shape and Karri is like her only thread to normality so its a really scary thought about what will happen to her.
I have so many thoughts going round in my head, so many questions and theories that i cant even define them properly so until i can get my mind in order i guess ill have to end here for now, oh how frequent are your updates? Awesome chapter and i cant wait for the next one so please update soon, laterz!n
1Tash BI dont know what to say. You have completely floored me and left me speechless. I cant believe i am only just finding this story now, your in depth writing and perception, your characterisation and mystery, your patience and slow but sure and steady plot build is extra ordinarily amazing.
When i read the summary i was like "ok this doesnt seem half bad" and then when i started reading i realised that you were strengthening the story by sort of steadying the base and giving us a proper understanding of Alys and yet still leaving us wondering exactly who she is.
Every chapter leaves you with more questions than you had before reading and that deserves great respect, do i sense the next Agatha Christi e? On a serious note though, i love how you unearth the hidden flaws in the false pretenses of perfection, i think thats what makes me love this the most.
I cant believe Karri has been expelled that is unfair, she didnt deserve it and i guess im worried about Alys' reaction to that because its not like her psyche is in the best shape and Karri is like her only thread to normality so its a really scary thought about what will happen to her.
I have so many thoughts going round in my head, so many questions and theories that i cant even define them properly so until i can get my mind in order i guess ill have to end here for now, oh how frequent are your updates? Awesome chapter and i cant wait for the next one so please update soon, laterz!n
7/18/2014 c10 2Wonders of Randomness
Do you read Neill Gaiman? I recommend to you the chapter 'Calypso' from the Sandman books. Look it up and see if you can find it in a library.
I was frustrated at first with how raw your writing is; you have revision to do, and a good deal of it. You use words that don't exist, homonyms or close cousins of the words you want. There's awkward turns of phrase, weirdly flat dialogue in places, places where you're trying to compromise between dialogue and internal voice that turn out contrived.
For all that, you're poetic.
It seems to come spilling out of you like blood, the way you write. There's no time to find the right word or the right way to phrase something, because you know you don't control the way the wound flows, and your job is to get it where it needs to be. I have a serious problem with doing that, and so for me reading the way you write is something of a release. It's a way to understand how to be good without needing to be perfect. This for someone who's struggling not to revise this review as she writes it. Do you understand the sheer enormity of what you've wrought within my brain?
It's haunting, and raw, and beautiful, and touches quite simply on experiences I've had before and am still going through. You manage to treat your characters with respect, and that is a relief to someone who identifies with the ones going through painful things. It's a struggle to disengage from the carefully curated, well formulated prose in published books that have had the benefit of an editor, and when they deal with content like this callously, it's incredibly hard to distance yourself from it, and tell yourself that it's not real and that the author has no clue what they're talking about. It SOUNDS convincing. You are a stark contrast to that sort of writing, and that sort of reading. The poetry of your work isn't wholly borrowed from the form you trap it in - the words and sentences, their order and symmetry and syntax, the paragraphs and the flow and the events all happening according to formula. You transcend all that. You write like poetry in its raw form, when the blood hasn't had time to congeal and be pared down with sharp knives; when it's still red on the screen, the essence and power still evident.
There are things I've backspaced, and am writing out again. I don't want to burden you with praise it would seem daunting to live up to - that's how I feel, even looking at it - but it would be hypocritical. The most important thing you can do with language is speak the truth. When I say you have power, that's what I mean. I feel daunted, looking at it that way, because as long as I'm just reading what you write I feel like I can do what you do. The truth you reach for, that you manage to trap in words, is harder to face as possible, as assailable, for someone else to achieve; but it's also what makes trying to write like you worthwhile.
I don't know if I've been unclear. It's funny to talk of truth in a story that talks about sheep and wolves in a high school setting. In fact, most summaries you attempted to fit onto this framework would render it unrecognizable among the detritus that litters this site. (Credit to you for finding one that doesn't.) But the plot, the setting, all these are window dressing. They tell you little to nothing about why the author is writing.
I can only hope you understand what I mean. To me it would be exhausting in more ways than one to pick apart what you've written; and I firmly believe that too many voices in one's head is the same thing as too many cooks in a kitchen. If you're anything like Alys and have the peculiar quirk of vision (hearing?) that lets you sort out all the voices, however strident, and take only what you need from them, then I suppose it wouldn't matter if I did pick your work apart for you. But in case you don't, consider this long-winded feedback a token of approval and goodwill. In the end, that's all I've really said with it.
2Wonders of RandomnessDo you read Neill Gaiman? I recommend to you the chapter 'Calypso' from the Sandman books. Look it up and see if you can find it in a library.
I was frustrated at first with how raw your writing is; you have revision to do, and a good deal of it. You use words that don't exist, homonyms or close cousins of the words you want. There's awkward turns of phrase, weirdly flat dialogue in places, places where you're trying to compromise between dialogue and internal voice that turn out contrived.
For all that, you're poetic.
It seems to come spilling out of you like blood, the way you write. There's no time to find the right word or the right way to phrase something, because you know you don't control the way the wound flows, and your job is to get it where it needs to be. I have a serious problem with doing that, and so for me reading the way you write is something of a release. It's a way to understand how to be good without needing to be perfect. This for someone who's struggling not to revise this review as she writes it. Do you understand the sheer enormity of what you've wrought within my brain?
It's haunting, and raw, and beautiful, and touches quite simply on experiences I've had before and am still going through. You manage to treat your characters with respect, and that is a relief to someone who identifies with the ones going through painful things. It's a struggle to disengage from the carefully curated, well formulated prose in published books that have had the benefit of an editor, and when they deal with content like this callously, it's incredibly hard to distance yourself from it, and tell yourself that it's not real and that the author has no clue what they're talking about. It SOUNDS convincing. You are a stark contrast to that sort of writing, and that sort of reading. The poetry of your work isn't wholly borrowed from the form you trap it in - the words and sentences, their order and symmetry and syntax, the paragraphs and the flow and the events all happening according to formula. You transcend all that. You write like poetry in its raw form, when the blood hasn't had time to congeal and be pared down with sharp knives; when it's still red on the screen, the essence and power still evident.
There are things I've backspaced, and am writing out again. I don't want to burden you with praise it would seem daunting to live up to - that's how I feel, even looking at it - but it would be hypocritical. The most important thing you can do with language is speak the truth. When I say you have power, that's what I mean. I feel daunted, looking at it that way, because as long as I'm just reading what you write I feel like I can do what you do. The truth you reach for, that you manage to trap in words, is harder to face as possible, as assailable, for someone else to achieve; but it's also what makes trying to write like you worthwhile.
I don't know if I've been unclear. It's funny to talk of truth in a story that talks about sheep and wolves in a high school setting. In fact, most summaries you attempted to fit onto this framework would render it unrecognizable among the detritus that litters this site. (Credit to you for finding one that doesn't.) But the plot, the setting, all these are window dressing. They tell you little to nothing about why the author is writing.
I can only hope you understand what I mean. To me it would be exhausting in more ways than one to pick apart what you've written; and I firmly believe that too many voices in one's head is the same thing as too many cooks in a kitchen. If you're anything like Alys and have the peculiar quirk of vision (hearing?) that lets you sort out all the voices, however strident, and take only what you need from them, then I suppose it wouldn't matter if I did pick your work apart for you. But in case you don't, consider this long-winded feedback a token of approval and goodwill. In the end, that's all I've really said with it.
7/8/2014 c1 Shadowswept
I just wanted to let you know that I'm still thinking about this story and looking forward to the next chapter. No pressure though, because I know that a story this great takes time to write. Also, I think that it deserves a lot more reviews.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm still thinking about this story and looking forward to the next chapter. No pressure though, because I know that a story this great takes time to write. Also, I think that it deserves a lot more reviews.
6/28/2014 c9 2renegade01
I really like this. Its different to anything I've read and your characters especially Alys are very intriguing ;-)
2renegade01I really like this. Its different to anything I've read and your characters especially Alys are very intriguing ;-)
6/25/2014 c8 69Shadowswept
I love the new cover! I hope that means a new chapter is coming soon.
This chapter builds on the theme of things spiraling out of control that began in the previous chapter. You are definitely ratcheting up the tension and drama. Mr. Jackson is at his most revolting in the scene at the end. His lust has made him careless and greedy, and I like how Alys blackmails him without actually spelling anything out. That was so in character for her, and it was so well-written. Shannon is so mad about that poster, but she doesn't see how much she's degrading herself with Mr. Jackson. You have depicted this in all its perverted ugliness, and I love you for it. There is nothing romantic about a teacher taking sexual advantage of a student. Oh, and how fun it was when Alys got creepy on him!
So now I'm all out of chapters to review, but I will be waiting patiently for the next one. I hope Hayden is in it. I'm anticipating his reaction to the scandal, and I can't wait to find out how it's all going to play out. Great work on this story so far!
69ShadowsweptI love the new cover! I hope that means a new chapter is coming soon.
This chapter builds on the theme of things spiraling out of control that began in the previous chapter. You are definitely ratcheting up the tension and drama. Mr. Jackson is at his most revolting in the scene at the end. His lust has made him careless and greedy, and I like how Alys blackmails him without actually spelling anything out. That was so in character for her, and it was so well-written. Shannon is so mad about that poster, but she doesn't see how much she's degrading herself with Mr. Jackson. You have depicted this in all its perverted ugliness, and I love you for it. There is nothing romantic about a teacher taking sexual advantage of a student. Oh, and how fun it was when Alys got creepy on him!
So now I'm all out of chapters to review, but I will be waiting patiently for the next one. I hope Hayden is in it. I'm anticipating his reaction to the scandal, and I can't wait to find out how it's all going to play out. Great work on this story so far!
6/25/2014 c7 Shadowswept
I wonder where Hayden goes when he skips class. He's intelligent enough to get a high grade on the test even though he misses a lot of lessons, so maybe he's just bored in class. I can't wait to start finding out more about him. Well, Karri's prank is snowballing out of control. The poor girl is too sweet to handle it, and she really didn't think through the consequences. She and Alys are different temperaments, but they fit together as friends. I've noticed that Alys seems to live life on the periphery, and I wonder how she'll handle being thrust in the spotlight.
Congratulations on publishing your novel! I hope you'll do the same with this one once it's finished.
I wonder where Hayden goes when he skips class. He's intelligent enough to get a high grade on the test even though he misses a lot of lessons, so maybe he's just bored in class. I can't wait to start finding out more about him. Well, Karri's prank is snowballing out of control. The poor girl is too sweet to handle it, and she really didn't think through the consequences. She and Alys are different temperaments, but they fit together as friends. I've noticed that Alys seems to live life on the periphery, and I wonder how she'll handle being thrust in the spotlight.
Congratulations on publishing your novel! I hope you'll do the same with this one once it's finished.
6/24/2014 c6 Shadowswept
I'm guessing that Karri's mom isn't around since only her dad is mentioned. The opposite of Alys. This chapter was short but important. It gives us more insight into Karri's personality. I'm glad she has more of a reason for making the posters than just wanting to pull a prank. Shannon is such a mean girl, and this will hopefully bring her down a notch. I like how Karri is trying to help Alys have more friends. She is lonely, and the end of the chapter was melancholy. I think I might have told you this before, but I like the moodiness of this story.
I'm guessing that Karri's mom isn't around since only her dad is mentioned. The opposite of Alys. This chapter was short but important. It gives us more insight into Karri's personality. I'm glad she has more of a reason for making the posters than just wanting to pull a prank. Shannon is such a mean girl, and this will hopefully bring her down a notch. I like how Karri is trying to help Alys have more friends. She is lonely, and the end of the chapter was melancholy. I think I might have told you this before, but I like the moodiness of this story.
6/22/2014 c5 Shadowswept
This is such a beautiful chapter. I believe you must write poetry, because your lovely descriptions of her drawing of Hayden have a poetic feel. I especially loved alone in a cold empty space, watching the white light burn of a destructive sun. That entire passage is absolutely gorgeous writing. I can reread it forever, and I would love to have this story in book form to hold in my hands. Stories like this are the reason I can never be satisfied with only a Kindle. Some books need to be tangible.
Alys has a fascinating compulsion to draw, and reading about it is like being transported into another reality. I wonder if you also draw, because I've never read such detailed, vivid descriptions of art before. Maybe you're just more observant than the rest of us or have a much grander imagination, because your sensory details are so thoroughly described, even how the rain felt. I like how she had a typical argument with her mother, but there is so much unspoken drama between them. That disturbing dream shocked me, because it emphasized how young she was when the bad thing happened.
This is such a beautiful chapter. I believe you must write poetry, because your lovely descriptions of her drawing of Hayden have a poetic feel. I especially loved alone in a cold empty space, watching the white light burn of a destructive sun. That entire passage is absolutely gorgeous writing. I can reread it forever, and I would love to have this story in book form to hold in my hands. Stories like this are the reason I can never be satisfied with only a Kindle. Some books need to be tangible.
Alys has a fascinating compulsion to draw, and reading about it is like being transported into another reality. I wonder if you also draw, because I've never read such detailed, vivid descriptions of art before. Maybe you're just more observant than the rest of us or have a much grander imagination, because your sensory details are so thoroughly described, even how the rain felt. I like how she had a typical argument with her mother, but there is so much unspoken drama between them. That disturbing dream shocked me, because it emphasized how young she was when the bad thing happened.