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8/5/2010 c22 1elle is a punk
I think you're doing a great job with this! Hope you update soon!
7/19/2010 c17 26Mirabella
Wow, so real. Ifeel I can relate to it. :) Beautiful and sadly worldly. Wonderful.
7/14/2010 c22 Isca
"You deign to write. You deigned; you..." This is a marvelous ending, Squid. The repetition of "deign" is so striking. :)
7/9/2010 c8 nevermore199
I must say, I am quite a fan of the zombie love poem. :) Nice job.
5/24/2010 c19 May Elizabeth
"(you must have been in that waiting room, after all)

my dreams appeared to be mocking me

with the breakdown I didn't have in the first place"

I thought of Emilie Autumn's "RantII". Can't give you a higher compliment than that. ^.^

"Misses Sunshine donned some dreadful metal headgear:

a helmet into my REM's;

the pitch of the screen melted

into a vivid ... (again!);

I cried, "It's" yourname;

Misses Sunshine cried as well."

I just liked this odd telling of a story and the image in my head it represented.

Brought to you by The Review Game from The Enlightened Mind Cafe.
5/24/2010 c19 Isca
"The sound they make, a reminder." I love the tone of this line; it's so beautifully tragic. I like the idea that a bird's 'coo' or 'caw' mimics the 'freedom' that the speaker feels only when he is in the presence of his beloved.

"I experienced another few minutes of your life." I just...don't even know what to say to that. That's precisely what love is: wanting to live in the presence of another, knowing that just 'being' with them is enough to sustain, finding nourishment in the very sight of them. I love this line. :)

[Courtesy of 'The Review Game' thread in 'The Enlightened Mind Cafe' forum]
5/23/2010 c21 Isca
I always like how refreshing your pieces are; they're abstract, yet endearing.

"A monstrosity, an angel." This reminded me of Frankenstein's monster. I pity him. Also, the 'fallen angel' imagery here sheds a beautiful light on Lucifer.

"Everything but the sky and the ones who escape." 'The ones who escape' is so striking! I like that this line tells a story in and of itself.

"You scoop up a black and glossy shell." Black. :)

"Blown up by the stars." The stars as volatile. How interesting. It's almost as if love is an adventure that ultimately kills the speaker.

"I'm just a grain of sand." One of the best lines you've ever written.

[Courtesy of The Review Game thread from The Enlightened Mind Cafe forum]
4/28/2010 c12 31drink me pretty
Everything you write

has this unique stream-of-consciousness;

this abrupt, real-life brevity to it.

I love it, so much.
4/28/2010 c9 drink me pretty
this is so fucking beautiful.

i am speechless (and envious).
3/22/2010 c13 Isca
"Your souls are the suicide notes I will seal in my envelopes." Holy cow, Squid. This has to be one of the best lines you've ever written. It's quite impactful. I love the idea that someone is a "soul collector" who is able to mail them to someone else - it'd be like opening Pandora's box, no doubt.

"Well, you just caught my eye." Hmm. I like this line. I think it's like that for most (sadomasochistic) "Masters." They just see someone that catches their eye and they want them. And Masters always get what they want. (How Snapely of them :P).

I also like the tone of the line: "Don't think it matters what you do." It's so startling. The speaker knows that there's nothing anyone can do to stop the pain. Wow.
3/22/2010 c5 Isca
Holy cow. "Sometimes in my dreams you love me." What an impactful, heart-wrenching line! The tone is so angsty it's palpable. This is a perfect ending.

"I'm twenty years in the future." Hmm, I found the phrasing of this line a but awkward. What about: "I'm twenty years older" or "I'm twenty years into the future"?

I like the repetition of "sometimes in my dreams." There's just something so tragic about the tone; it's marvelous. I also like the connection here between drowning, flying, and crying - as if a bird plummets into the ocean.
3/9/2010 c20 Isca
"How many lines?" The tone of this line is so raw - it's quite startling. There's a tenderness to it, a vulnerability, that it very moving.

"No promising anyone anything." How interesting. I like the idea that the speaker doesn't want to make promises to anyone (in case they detect betrayal in others).

"Give in." Oh, good. This was the perfect ending to that stanza. The speaker is fighting with his desires, his emotions, his thoughts, and yet still he know that, in the end, he will succumb. That is both relatable and profound.

You should write from S-O-C pieces. They suit you. :)
2/24/2010 c20 6letyoursoultakeflight
Love how this one came out =]

pesky and persistent still

- and the taste of those words =]
2/20/2010 c19 RipplingEbbulience

Keep writing.

-Rippling ebullience
2/16/2010 c18 Isca
"The empty cathedral unspoiled by unholy light." This is a very mature line; the tone is very serious & the image is very vivid.

"Dark and dream-like, morning eyes in the light." I love this part; it's so captivating and graceful.

"He never thinks; he only feels." BRILLIANT. What a profound message.

This was an excellent entry. :)
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