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2/7/2010 c5 6letyoursoultakeflight
Their set was over- the band was opening for some famous country singer way past his prime

- that is so common these days! I like that you point it out =]

In the dim nightclub, she looked exactly as she was: a girl-woman of average looks dolled up in a way that made her prettier and sadder than before.

- and I really enjoy the way you write, and how real the story feels.
1/30/2010 c4 letyoursoultakeflight
Firstly (and I don't know if I've said this before?) you are such a natural story teller =] You describe it all so efortlessly. And I love how talented Frey is!
1/26/2010 c2 5Alias Blue
I like the way it feels like snapshots of their life - I think a more conventional plotline would ruin this and the vignettes are the best.

I also love the detached style.

Although I was a little confused at first because I didn't realise it wasn't running chronologically - I think you could make that a bit clearer that it's something that's happened in between parts of the first chapter.

I totally got the way Frey feels about Kyle - sort of idolises him.

One thing that tripped me up:

"without any disregard for the fact " - I think it should be 'regard' rather than 'disregard'? Maybe.

All in all, another great chapter.
1/26/2010 c2 6letyoursoultakeflight
Wow. I love this. You get inside the guy's head so well... I just want to keep reading and reading and reading... Love Frey =]
1/26/2010 c1 letyoursoultakeflight
Incredible. I canot believe it only took 30 minutes!
1/23/2010 c1 1LeMaki
This is quite sad, but I like it. I'm looking forward to the fuller version, if you get round to it, because I'm sure it'll be great!
1/19/2010 c2 2PerscriptionRevolution
Once again, chilling. I did get more details this time around and I liked them a lot. I also love the little phrases that are pure brilliance. "limp wrists" for one, was great. Also the "individual shots dwindle down to just him" manages to convey Frey's mood as well as the passage of time. I also loved the last line.

You do forget punctuation in several places, but it didn't matter that much to the overall picture. Just be aware of it next time. Sorry if I'm not being very constructive...
1/19/2010 c1 PerscriptionRevolution
I am so bad at reading for typos so I can't really help you there. What I can say is that this story is frightening and intriguing all at once. I love the writing style, even though it seems very detached from Frey. It is a glimpse into the very private life of a character without really going into day-to-day details. I can't tell whether the story would suffer or benefit from more of those details. Anyway, congrats on a well-written piece.
1/17/2010 c1 5Alias Blue
I like this, and I think I like it better as a single chapter than as a full-blown story. That quick choppiness of running through the scenes and the detached narrative style was what attracted me to the story. Very nice. :)
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