for The House of Matthew Garrett4/2/2010 c9 
5Connor Mack
It's really cool to be getting a closer glimpse into Garrett's views, it really allows us to see his character. I can imagine his resentment of today's society, much like how I imagine our generation will hate the next generation and the one after that with their newfangled technology and musical television. I like where this chapter ended, in that I honestly don't know where it can go from here.
I couldn't find anything to comment on, but only that I enjoy the character driven plot. I really like getting to know these characters!
5Connor MackIt's really cool to be getting a closer glimpse into Garrett's views, it really allows us to see his character. I can imagine his resentment of today's society, much like how I imagine our generation will hate the next generation and the one after that with their newfangled technology and musical television. I like where this chapter ended, in that I honestly don't know where it can go from here.
I couldn't find anything to comment on, but only that I enjoy the character driven plot. I really like getting to know these characters!
3/29/2010 c2 6Devil's Playground
The narrator's life seems so mellow and normal. But, keeping the prologue in mind, I was just waiting for something to happen that would change all of that. If the story had started off with this chapter I think I might have been a little bored by the background information, but the prologue did a lovely job of setting the story up, so I was willing to go along with it.
I don't quite have a grasp of the narrator's personality yet, but there were some good lines in here that at least started showing glimpses of insight into what kind of person it is.
The description of the setting was absolutely great - you had so many good details, and it really helped establish a creepy atmosphere. Great ending line to the chapter, too - it left me wanting to read more!
6Devil's PlaygroundThe narrator's life seems so mellow and normal. But, keeping the prologue in mind, I was just waiting for something to happen that would change all of that. If the story had started off with this chapter I think I might have been a little bored by the background information, but the prologue did a lovely job of setting the story up, so I was willing to go along with it.
I don't quite have a grasp of the narrator's personality yet, but there were some good lines in here that at least started showing glimpses of insight into what kind of person it is.
The description of the setting was absolutely great - you had so many good details, and it really helped establish a creepy atmosphere. Great ending line to the chapter, too - it left me wanting to read more!
3/29/2010 c1 Devil's Playground
This is a great prologue. The first sentence was absolutely fantastic - it really hooked me, making me want to know more. I really like the idea of "a friendship that ruined everything," and the phrase "suburban jungle." You had some very creative ways of wording things, and the word choice is excellent.
The ending line was also great, and left me wanting more! Overall, I wish I could give some good concrit, but I wouldn't change a thing about this prologue. It's very well done.
If this is any indication of the kind of writing that the rest of the story will have, I really look forward to reading more of it.
This is a great prologue. The first sentence was absolutely fantastic - it really hooked me, making me want to know more. I really like the idea of "a friendship that ruined everything," and the phrase "suburban jungle." You had some very creative ways of wording things, and the word choice is excellent.
The ending line was also great, and left me wanting more! Overall, I wish I could give some good concrit, but I wouldn't change a thing about this prologue. It's very well done.
If this is any indication of the kind of writing that the rest of the story will have, I really look forward to reading more of it.
3/27/2010 c1 WutNow
I thought the prologue was quite well written to be honest. It gave enough information to keep me interested, but also lacked information that made me want to read a little more. Though it gripped my interest (mostly due to the elevated language), I'm one of those readers that disliked to be told anything about the plot, future events, etc. Sorry, that's just for my personal taste. I liked reading things that allow me to make assumptions as my own, guided by the author (you) of course. I liked the formality of the prologue, but now I know what to expect of the story, and you just gave out the whole plot right there. Though the hook in the end was the burning, which interested me a bit, but not to such an extreme extent. (sorry, it is just my taste and at no fault to you my friend, so please do not take this personally).
Since it is so short, I'm not sure I can offer much criticism. Usually I have a section where I say "Things you an Tweak" but everything seemed to be well placed in the prologue.
- Roadhouse... *Paid in Full (1/1)
-Agent
I thought the prologue was quite well written to be honest. It gave enough information to keep me interested, but also lacked information that made me want to read a little more. Though it gripped my interest (mostly due to the elevated language), I'm one of those readers that disliked to be told anything about the plot, future events, etc. Sorry, that's just for my personal taste. I liked reading things that allow me to make assumptions as my own, guided by the author (you) of course. I liked the formality of the prologue, but now I know what to expect of the story, and you just gave out the whole plot right there. Though the hook in the end was the burning, which interested me a bit, but not to such an extreme extent. (sorry, it is just my taste and at no fault to you my friend, so please do not take this personally).
Since it is so short, I'm not sure I can offer much criticism. Usually I have a section where I say "Things you an Tweak" but everything seemed to be well placed in the prologue.
- Roadhouse... *Paid in Full (1/1)
-Agent
3/27/2010 c2 6MeAsIAm
A small, well written chapter. Explained the lead character to some extent.
"hello." - h should be capitalised
but not by too much - 'too' seems unnecessary
Overall loved it!
6MeAsIAmA small, well written chapter. Explained the lead character to some extent.
"hello." - h should be capitalised
but not by too much - 'too' seems unnecessary
Overall loved it!
3/27/2010 c1 MeAsIAm
The prlouge is very nice and interesting. It makes you wonder,thereby fulfilling its purpose. :) Moving on...
The prlouge is very nice and interesting. It makes you wonder,thereby fulfilling its purpose. :) Moving on...
3/26/2010 c9 99Dreamers-Requiem
Nice chapter - I liked his short monologue about his children and the kind of world they grew up in, I think it really showed his character, especially in terms of his views and such-like. Still, it's a bit strange of him to look someone up, and I'm eager to find out if there's more to it. The only suggestion I have is maybe altering that last line? It just sounds a bit odd, maybe change it to 'ominous click. I was locked inside.' or just take out the 'which told me' ?
99Dreamers-RequiemNice chapter - I liked his short monologue about his children and the kind of world they grew up in, I think it really showed his character, especially in terms of his views and such-like. Still, it's a bit strange of him to look someone up, and I'm eager to find out if there's more to it. The only suggestion I have is maybe altering that last line? It just sounds a bit odd, maybe change it to 'ominous click. I was locked inside.' or just take out the 'which told me' ?
3/26/2010 c5 8Kobra Kid
I really enjoyed this chapter, like all of them. :). I wonder how the Aunt died & who this Matthew Garrett guy is & what he had to do with the dead aunt. Many questions that I cant wait to find out the answers to!
Broken Cross
P.S. Thanks for your reviews on RFTA! :D. Could you please payback these 2 reviews via RFTA? Thanks again!
8Kobra KidI really enjoyed this chapter, like all of them. :). I wonder how the Aunt died & who this Matthew Garrett guy is & what he had to do with the dead aunt. Many questions that I cant wait to find out the answers to!
Broken Cross
P.S. Thanks for your reviews on RFTA! :D. Could you please payback these 2 reviews via RFTA? Thanks again!
3/26/2010 c4 Kobra Kid
That was a very intriguing chapter. I wonder why the old man is there & who he really is. The chapter was a little short though, but I liked the ending.
Broken Cross
That was a very intriguing chapter. I wonder why the old man is there & who he really is. The chapter was a little short though, but I liked the ending.
Broken Cross
3/25/2010 c8 99Dreamers-Requiem
As always, another good chapter. I liked the emotions throughout here, and the way you described Hayden's feelings on reading the poem - nicely done. Nice way of ending the chapter too. I really wish I had more to say, but right now I can't think of any constructive critisicsim to give you. It's good enough as it is.
99Dreamers-RequiemAs always, another good chapter. I liked the emotions throughout here, and the way you described Hayden's feelings on reading the poem - nicely done. Nice way of ending the chapter too. I really wish I had more to say, but right now I can't think of any constructive critisicsim to give you. It's good enough as it is.
3/18/2010 c8 5Connor Mack
Oh wow..quite a twist. An unfortunate one at that. It's disheartening not only for the fact that Hayden was leaving, but now without being able to properly say goodbye. I'm really curious to see where this heads next, and Garrett himself is really a complex and interesting character.
I didn't catch anything while reading this chapter, but I was probably too involved with the story itself and not grammar.
Again, I look forward to reading more and seeing more of these characters.
5Connor MackOh wow..quite a twist. An unfortunate one at that. It's disheartening not only for the fact that Hayden was leaving, but now without being able to properly say goodbye. I'm really curious to see where this heads next, and Garrett himself is really a complex and interesting character.
I didn't catch anything while reading this chapter, but I was probably too involved with the story itself and not grammar.
Again, I look forward to reading more and seeing more of these characters.
3/18/2010 c7 Connor Mack
(Hey I get how life can drag you away from writing, it got me this week haha)
First and foremost, I really liked the metaphor you used to describe Garrett's eyes, "a flame in the middle of an ocean". It's so simple and yet brilliant. Great use of words!
"steaming cups tea and warm crumpets" I do believe you mean cups of tea, but hey, we all make mistakes like that.
Other than that, I couldn't find anything wrong with this chapter. Great use of vocabulary and not a bit of dragging to be found. Fantastic!
(Hey I get how life can drag you away from writing, it got me this week haha)
First and foremost, I really liked the metaphor you used to describe Garrett's eyes, "a flame in the middle of an ocean". It's so simple and yet brilliant. Great use of words!
"steaming cups tea and warm crumpets" I do believe you mean cups of tea, but hey, we all make mistakes like that.
Other than that, I couldn't find anything wrong with this chapter. Great use of vocabulary and not a bit of dragging to be found. Fantastic!
3/17/2010 c8 7zombie chickens
I really did not expect what happened at the end. Garrett seems like such a nice old man, but I guess we got to see the moody artist side of him. The way this is written still keeps my full attention and I really enjoy the art of it, how Garrett becomes the inspiration, I wonder if that will change now that Hayden seems to have broken any kind of bond that was formed.
7zombie chickensI really did not expect what happened at the end. Garrett seems like such a nice old man, but I guess we got to see the moody artist side of him. The way this is written still keeps my full attention and I really enjoy the art of it, how Garrett becomes the inspiration, I wonder if that will change now that Hayden seems to have broken any kind of bond that was formed.
3/17/2010 c7 99Dreamers-Requiem
Really interesting chapter, and nice interaction between the pair of them. The only thing that bugged me is how would the family know where she lived, but not that she died or was married? It seems a bit...odd, is all. Other than that, a good chapter and great job at revealing his relationship with the great aunt.
99Dreamers-RequiemReally interesting chapter, and nice interaction between the pair of them. The only thing that bugged me is how would the family know where she lived, but not that she died or was married? It seems a bit...odd, is all. Other than that, a good chapter and great job at revealing his relationship with the great aunt.
3/16/2010 c3 8Kobra Kid
Hmm, that was an odd chapter, definitely with the curious man. However, I do think that this chapter was way to small. The first chapter had a good ending, but this one was okay. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the story & where this is going, but this chapter was a little too short. x(. Ugh, its hard to explain.
Anyways, great job though! I like the protagonist's thoughts & how he was so skiddish.
~BC
P.S. Could you please payback these two reviews via Rise From The Ashes? Thanks!
8Kobra KidHmm, that was an odd chapter, definitely with the curious man. However, I do think that this chapter was way to small. The first chapter had a good ending, but this one was okay. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the story & where this is going, but this chapter was a little too short. x(. Ugh, its hard to explain.
Anyways, great job though! I like the protagonist's thoughts & how he was so skiddish.
~BC
P.S. Could you please payback these two reviews via Rise From The Ashes? Thanks!